It is often asserted that whites are a dominant and privileged group in the United States.
It's true that white people are, on average, wealthier than the American average in terms of income. But only by 9%, and crucially, that 9% number includes Jewish people who are counted as white in these statistics. This small 9% lead would decrease significantly if Jewish wealth stats were listed separately. [1]
Jews are a high-income group. About one-in-four Jews (23%) say they have family incomes of $200,000 or more. By comparison, just 4% of U.S. adults report that level of household income. At the other end of the spectrum, one-in-ten U.S. Jews report annual household incomes of less than $30,000, far fewer than the 26% of all U.S. adults who are below that threshold. [2]
Other non-white ethnic groups have significantly higher incomes when compared to the US average. Asian Americans, for example, have a whopping 44% (!) higher incomes when compared to the US average. Significantly more than the comparatively minor outperformance of whites. [1]
Jews are overrepresented in institutions of state power. Jewish senators are over-represented at a rate of almost five times in comparison to their population average, giving Jews disproportionate political power. [7]
35 percent of the 400 richest Americans are Jews. And 40 percent of the top 50 richest Americans are Jewish. [3] At that time, only 2.1 percent of the US population was Jewish. [4] An over-representation of almost 2000% (!).
64 percent of the top 100 richest Americans are white (not counting Jews as white) in a 2010 counting. [5] At that time, 72 percent of all people living in the United States were white. [6] So, overall, whites are underrepresented among the highest strata of society.
Whites are not overrepresented in privileged positions since those listed as white are often actually Jewish. Counting Jews as white makes no sense during a discussion regarding racial privileges because more than 97 percent of all white people are NOT Jewish. Non-Jewish whites are in no way overprivileged. For example, to say to a poor rural white person that he has white privilege is simply factually incorrect since in actuality he is underrepresented among the elite sections of the population, only whites of Jewish descent are overrepresented in this regard. Thus one can only speak of Jewish privilege (or maybe even East Asian privilege) but not White privilege.
[1] https://www.pgpf.org/blog/2022/11/income-and-wealth-in-the-united-states-an-overview-of-recent-data
[2] https://www.pewresearch.org/religion/2021/05/11/economics-and-well-being-among-u-s-jews/
[3] https://www.jta.org/2009/10/05/united-states/at-least-139-of-the-forbes-400-are-jewish
[4] https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jewish-population-in-the-united-states-nationally
[5] https://www.gawker.com/5645917/the-forbes-400-a-demographic-breakdown
[6] https://www.census.gov/newsroom/releases/archives/2010\_census/cb11-cn125.html#:\~:text=Race%20Distribution&text=This%20group%20totaled%20299.7%20million,percent%20of%20the%20total%20population.
[7] https://www.timesofisrael.com/5-jews-make-forbes-list-of-top-10-wealthiest-americans/

Hey everyone, long but maybe a helpful post incoming.
I wanted to share my experience in depth with getting ill very suddenly in October of 2022 (8 months in) so this will be a bit of a longer post. I’m posting this to see if there are some similarities out there, maybe if anyone had some advice for me or even just share some progress, treatments or approaches.
Also for anyone reading that’s having a hard time with symptoms & long covid, I am keeping positive and will keep this post positive too. I strongly believe we will find the mechanisms at work; there is already so much research, testing etc. going on so please try keep your head up there’s a lot of people in this and a lot are getting better too. I am 28, male, active and healthy before this and had little to no health problems prior.
What happened to me at the beginning:
Went on a weekend away with friends at a quiet Airbnb near a beach from Friday through to Monday. Stayed at the airbnb all weekend and had some alcoholic drinks, using the hot tub and just hanging out.
I woke up on Monday morning and immediately started to projectile vomit and could not keep even a sip of watefood down. Vomiting at all is a very rare occurrence for me even after drinking so this was immediately a red flag. After about 3 or 4 hours this eventually subsided during the trip home.
After feeling not the best (flu-like symptoms with upset stomach, hot & cold, sore lower back) for 2 days after arriving home; on Wednesday I felt a dissociation/spaced out feeling come on suddenly while working at home & had what I felt was similar to a panic attack (heart racing, cold hands and feet, lightheaded) and after lying down from this I was slammed with the worst headache I've ever had. And this is where all my symptoms started. I can’t remember exactly when I tested (maybe 2 or 3 antigen tests at home) for covid during this time but it may have been a few days or maybe even a week after this but it was a negative test so for a long time I did not suspect covid. I was leaning more towards a bacterial or virus from the hot tub initially.
What followed:
Below are the symptoms I’ve experienced since then, I also contracted covid at the end of February so I’m unsure if I had Covid twice, or a post viral syndrome from another virus or bacteria that was exacerbated by Covid. EBV, Cytomeglo and further virus testing has come back negative and reading symptoms I feel that there is a lot of similarity with long-covid symptoms mentioned by everyone here.
​

• Headache - almost constant (mild to severe) (severe sinus & tension type headaches, ice pick headaches & pain at back of head as well as front and temples).
• Neck & Shoulder Pain - almost always (sharp or dull)
• Back Pain - often - mostly lower with stomach pain & sometimes middle & upper back
• Fatigue - occasionally - this seems to be on the milder side, can get through days fine.
• Sinus Swelling - often - CT scan showing persistent sinusitis - post nasal drip often follows. this particularly sucks and is very uncomfortable.
• Brain Fog - often, slightly less - comes with sinus swelling at times.
• Heart Palpitations - less often than before, sometimes onset - throbbing feeling in head and all over - multiple ECGs & 24hr Holter Monitor showed nothing.
• IBS - often for the first few months, now more rarely - irregular stool (size, frequency), undigested, sore abdomen strikes suddenly and can cause intense abdominal pain and diarrhea.
• General feeling of Malaise - often
• Tinnitus - often - sharp noise occasionally, low level ringing often.
• Dry/allergic/irritated eyes - occasionally
• Hacking up phlegm - often, onset
• Dermographism - occasionally - only real visible symptom that I’m having
• Twitching - more often recently
• Chest tightness - occasionally - breathlessness, short of breath or dry cough
• Mouth Ulcers & Eye Styes - every month or so, much more common during illness

Newer Symptoms (After contracting Covid):

• Anxiety & Depression - occasionally - related to health condition, have had good mental health until this. very up and down in progression. feel waves of sadness throughout the day or week.
• Pain in testicles - sore for a period of time, has come back a bit - Epididymis on left testicle side swollen, scrotum tightening occasionally, testing showed nothing. This is quite limiting for exercise & running
• Paresthesia - rare - feeling of sunburned skin (stomach, forearms, top of hands, nose and back of neck) - itchy sensations around body. This has subsided since it happened first.
• Hands turning red occasionally - especially when walking.
• Pain in joints, spine, hands - often - arthritis like feeling

My experience:
I wanted to add how things have been for me personally. I feel like I’ve been through my own hell so far. In the first few months I was doing fine as I assumed it would get better in a few weeks, maybe next month, definitely before Christmas etc. while managing symptoms and hanging on to the words of my favourite google search “does post viral syndrome go away” which always brought me the answer I wanted “it is temporary”. During February my mother was diagnosed with cancer and as an only child I think this is where my mental health began to suffer. In March when my testicular pain began I seen another doctor who mentioned central sensitization and my mind and ability to cope plummeted. I was scared out of my mind and I began to wonder if I would survive and had relegated myself to permanent disability for life. I would get a lot of awful feelings out of nowhere, an impending doom sense that was pretty engulfing. Thankfully I have an incredible partner who has been with me every step of the way and she has kept me from some very dark places, I am extremely lucky to have her. I worked for the initial 6 months after getting sick (work from home job) and told my work straight up that I needed support and to role back my responsibilities. Unfortunately as my mental health declined around March I had to step away from work (thankfully insured for now) but was unable to properly look at my work screen, do complex tasks or manage my work without feeling sluggish and needed to step away every 10 or 15 minutes.
The medical side:
I have seen a number of doctors, specialists including 2 A&E visits. Listed below are who I’ve seen and what I’ve done in chronological order. Thankfully have a close family friend who specializes in virology and took my case on to dive into deeper. After tons of testing for what feels like every variation of medical issue, the only thing that has shown up from all the testing done was a very recent positive test for Anti-CCP-AKS which points to polyarthritis as a symptom not a diagnosis. I have a gamma camera scheduled & a colonoscopy too for the summer. In terms of medication I did about 2 months on Amitriptyline, it probably helped some symptoms but I gained a lot of weight so stopped, I have found it hard overall to tell what helps and what doesn’t. One day I’ll try something I think “oh this helps” and then a few days later I’ll suffer symptoms while trying it out. I have tried my best to avoid taking medication and stick to supplements only.
Tests:

• Multiple Bloods - Initially B cells found, Anti-CCP-AKS (Positive at a low level)
• Urine - Normal
• Physical - Normal
• CT - Normal
• Chest X-ray - Normal
• Ultrasound of Abdomen, Scrotum, Thyroid, Bladder - Normal
• MRI of Brain - Normal

Diagnosis per doctor

• Food Poisoning (Walk-in GP)
• Acute Onset Virus (Urgent Care Clinic)
• Tension Headaches (Urgent Care Clinic)
• Bacterial Sinusitis (Walk-in GP)
• Viral Sinusitis (Walk-in GP)
• Post Viral Syndrome (Urgent Care Clinic)

Specialists diagnoses

• Post Viral IBS - (Gastroenterologist)
• Nothing to offer (Mentioned Central Sensitization is controversial) - (Neurologist)
• (Suspected) Central Sensitization (Internal Medicine - Referred)
• Post Viral Syndrome from unspecified Virus (Internal Medicine - Family Doctor who is following up)

Here’s what I’ve been supplementing & doing to support.

• High water consumption
• Vitamin B, D
• Omega 3 (3000mg daily)
• Magnesium (600mg daily)
• Probiotics (Align 1 capsule per day)
• Coconut water, multi-vitamin & electrolytes

Overall I feel a bit better but having plenty of attack/relapses/waves or whatever we want to call them. I find the biggest help is sleeping or resting as much as possible, hot showers and eating right. I’m happy to answer questions and see what compares. I would love some more advice on supplementation as I know its basic at the moment.

Hello, my intent is not to get help but just to report something that happened to me so that it doesn't happen to other people (unfortunately even with proper care it is not possible to save yourself). On 8/28/2022 I received 53 emails of 53 items from my inventory being sold. Mainly emoji, TF2 weapons and cosmetics, and many cards. I get a phantom notification from Steam on my phone where I have steam guard active, I click on it and it shows me the screen where you accept or reject marketplace listings but nothing appears. At that moment all my stuff was sold in a very few seconds to buy a DOTA 2 item. The thing that amazes me is that it was all done despite the fact that I had all the accouterments in place, and it's unsettling that a company like Steam would allow these things and not restore your sold items. Sorry for my English.

Hey dudes,
We've got an important announcement that will affect everyone who enjoys this community. The moderators of this subreddit have decided to join ModCord. We plan to make our subreddit private in solidarity with many other subreddits as a protest against a recent decision made by Reddit. This includes many front page subreddits, like videos and aww. We will remain privatized until Reddit reverses their decision, however long that may take.
As you may be aware, Reddit recently announced a policy change that will have far-reaching consequences for third-party mobile apps and tools. The price increase for accessing Reddit's API will effectively eliminate beloved applications such as Apollo, Reddit is Fun, Narwhal, Boost, and BaconReader, along with affecting other means of customizing Reddit, including the use of the old.reddit.com desktop interface and the Reddit Enhancement Suite.
This change not only affects users who rely on these third-party apps for enhanced features and quality-of-life improvements, but it also impacts subreddit moderators who depend on external tools to maintain the integrity of their communities. These tools have been instrumental in keeping our discussions on-topic and our subreddit free from spam.
We understand that this decision may be met with mixed feelings among our community members. Going private is not a step we take lightly, but we firmly believe it is necessary to express our concerns and protect the values that have made JustGuysBeingDudes a thriving and engaging space.
By going private, we aim to raise awareness about the potential consequences of Reddit's policy change and the negative impact it could have on our subreddit and others like it. We hope to send a strong message to Reddit's administration, urging them to reconsider their decision and engage in meaningful dialogue with the community.
We invite each and every one of you to stand with us in protest.

1. Stay informed: Keep an eye on updates from JustGuysBeingDudes and other participating subreddits. We will provide updates throughout the protest period, sharing any developments and actions that arise. We will still be around to respond to messages, comments and modmail through this process. You may also message us on our official (albeit basic) Discord server.
   
2. Spread the word: Share the news about our subreddit going private with your fellow Redditors, friends, and anyone who might be interested. Engage in discussions on related subreddits, and use your social media platforms to make some noise in support of our cause. Having the media on our side will be crucial for this to work.
   
3. Contact Reddit: Reach out to the administrators of Reddit by messaging the reddit administrators or directly contacting reddit. Express your concerns and share your thoughts on the policy change. Additionally, consider leaving a negative review on Reddit's official iOS or Android app to make your voice heard.
   
4. Be respectful: While this decision may be frustrating, it's important to maintain a respectful and civil tone. Threats, profanity, and vandalism will only detract from our cause and hinder the support we are trying to gather. Harrassing the Admins won't do anything, if you want to help, don't do it.
   

If you have any questions or suggestions, please feel free to reach out to us through modmail or join us coordination sub, ModCoord.
Sincerely,
The Moderators of JustGuysBeingDudes.
Relevant links
https://www.reddit.com/Save3rdPartyApps/comments/13yh0jf/dont_let_reddit_kill_3rd_party_apps/
https://www.reddit.com/apolloapp/comments/13ws4w3/had_a_call_with_reddit_to_discuss_pricing_bad/
https://www.reddit.com/SubredditDrama/comments/1404hwj/mods_of_rblind_reveal_that_removing_3rd_party/
https://www.reddit.com/redditdev/comments/13wsiks/api_update_enterprise_level_tier_for_large_scale/jmolrhn/?context=3

IGSRep Page 8
IGSRep Page 9
IGSRep Page 10
List of games I have for trading (all are Steam keys unless specified):
ADOM (Ancient Domains Of Mystery)
AI War: Fleet Command
Blackguards
Boreal Blade
Calico
Cosmic Osmo and the Worlds Beyond the Mackerel
Evan's Remains
Fort Triumph
Founders' Fortune
Fractured Lands
Hotshot Racing
Infinite Air with Mark McMorris
Just Cause 3 XXL Edition (might keep)
Lethal League
METAL GEAR SOLID V: The Definitive Experience DLC (just the DLC for MGSV multiplayer)
Millennium: A New Hope
Monster Prom 2: Monster Camp
Othercide (might keep)
Peaky Blinders: Mastermind
Per Aspera
Phoenix Point: Year One Edition
Planescape: Torment Enhanced Edition
Poker Night 2
Police Stories
Railroad Corporation
Rapture Rejects + Humble Exclusive "Safari Outfit" DLC
Regular Human Basketball
Resident Evil HD REMASTER
Resident Evil Revelations
Resident Evil Revelations 2 - Episode 1: Penal Colony
Revita
Rogue Lords
Rollerdrome (might keep)
Siege Survival: Gloria Victis
SimpleRockets 2
Size Matters
Snake Pass
Spelunx and the Caves of Mr. Seudo
STAR WARS™: Squadrons (Origin key)
Swag and Sorcery
S.W.I.N.E. HD Remaster
Telltale Texas Hold'Em
The Ambassador: Fractured Timelines
The Haunted Island, a Frog Detective Game
The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante
Vane
We Happy Few
Low tier (all are Steam keys)
Arson and Plunder: Unleashed
Corporate Lifestyle Simulator
Gun Monkeys (not on Steam anymore)
Huntsman: The Orphanage
Puzzle Chronicles
Rush for Glory
Russian Superhero Dead Ivan
Shiplord
Skilltree Saga
Three Dead Zed

A couple of friends and I created a setting based on Spelljammer, where our floating city is the main hub for tier 2/3 one-shots that we (or players, if they like to dabble in it) run. We also have our own characters and play in each other's games. My character is a peace cleric that lives at and runs the city's temple/hospital/sanctuary. We discussed that my character would've cast the Hallow spell on his abode and as secondary effect I was looking for some sort of constant healing effect. Since this isn't a listed option, we chose the 'effect offered by the GM', ergo: us :P
At first we were thinking of a constant healing effect of 1 HP per 15 minutes, so 4 HP per hour, which isn't absolutely over-the-top, but still useful whenever a party decides to take a short rest there. On average it's about 1 hit die less to spend if need be.
Now, we already kind of agreed on this, but I was wondering if any of you have insights about what would be considered 'ok' with the use of this spell. And perhaps anyone that has created a similar idea and would like to share their version.

What's happening with Reddit?

Many users here choose to browse Reddit using a 3rd party mobile app, for a variety of reasons. Some are unhappy with the state of the official app, others simply want a more customized experience while scrolling posts. Regardless of the reason, these apps, such as Infinity, Apollo, Bacon, RiF, Boost, etc. will all be shutting down in the coming months if changes are not made on Reddit's side.
 
Reddit is making changes that make it financially unfeasible to run a 3rd party mobile app as a developer. 3rd party apps used to be able to access Reddit's data for free, but Reddit is now asking for an exorbitant fee for access to its API. Additionally, Reddit is removing the ability to advertise from these 3rd party apps, meaning that they will be forced to use a subscription model.
 
Even if 3rd party Reddit apps survive, NSFW content will also become inaccessible via Reddit's API. What this means for users is that 3rd party apps will no longer be able to display NSFW content at all.
 
Even if you don't use Reddit on a mobile device at all, this is likely only a single step in making the Reddit experience poorer overall. Other methods of customizing Reddit such as RES or even Old Reddit could be next on the chopping block.

What is the purpose of this protest?

arknights, in addition to many other subreddits you may use, will be going private (inaccessible) for a period of 2 days to protest the new changes to Reddit API pricing that directly threaten the existence of 3rd party Reddit apps. This will occur from June 12th to the 14th.

Our Plea

Reddit is a special place for many of us, and we understand that a company has to make money at the end of the day. However, we ask Reddit to consider a more sustainable pricing model for its API usage, one that would enable 3rd party apps to continue operating without charging their users exorbitant fees for usage.

TLDR

All 3rd Party Apps for browsing Reddit, such as Boost, Apollo, Relay, Reddit is Fun, Infinity, etc. will be effectively forced to shut down permanently following changes to fees for API by Reddit. We are closing this subreddit for 2 days in protest of these changes.

Hello, I am looking to sell my Corsair Gaming PC. It started out as a Corsair Vengeance i7300 (link to the corsair product page below) - https://www.corsair.com/us/en/p/gaming-computers/cs-9050027-na/vengeance-i7300-gaming-pc-i7-12700k-rtx-3080-2tb-m-2-32gb-ddr5-4800-cs-9050027-na#tech-specs I ended up selling the RTX 3080 that came with it and replaced it with a 3060 Ventus 3x 12G. I've reached out to Corsair support to confirm the exact model of all the parts that are in the PC and have added them to PC part picker for a general break down (part picker link below) https://pcpartpicker.com/list/cYq3Kp Images of the PC here: https://imgur.com/a/BHLFdgD
I purchased this PC in May of 2022 and have used it moderately to play COD MW2. I have the original packaging for the PC as well as for the 3060 GPU and am willing to ship or do local pick up around this zip code (23503). If shipped I can ship the PC and GPU separately or together. I have the support foam that came with the PC to stabilize the GPU if shipped together.
I am asking 1300.00 shipped OBO (not looking to part out)
If you have any questions, please leave a comment and then send a DM and I will be happy to share some answers!
Thank you for taking a look :)

Easy-Going Games: Whitethorn Showcase: - Aground - Evan's Remains - StarCrossed Humble Choice May 2023: - Warhammer 40k: Chaos Gate - Daemonhunters - Spiritfarer: Farewell Edition - Operation: Tango - Builder Simulator Humble Choice April 2023: - Death Stranding Director's Cut - Aliens: Fireteam Elite - Revita - Founder's Fortune Humble Choice February 2023: - Pathfinder: Wrath of the Righteous Enhanced Edition - Scourgebringer Humble Choice January 2023: - Tribes of Midgard - Encased Humble Choice December 2022: - Where the water tastes like wine - Blade Assault - Super MagBot Humble Choice October 2022: - Maid of Sker - Railroad Corporation - Golf Gang Humble Choice August 2022: - In Sound Mind Humble Choice November 2021: - SimpleRockets2 - Mobius Front 83 Humble Choice October 2021: - 112 Operator - Guts and Glory - Ring of Pain - Garage: Bad Trip - The Textorcist: The Story of Ray Bibbia - Tools Up - Hiveswap Friendsim - Black Future '88 - Syberia 3 Humble Choice September 2021: - West of Dead - Swag and Sorcery - Fort Triumph - Orwell: Ignorance is strength - Framed Collection Humble Choice August 2021: - We need to go deeper - As far as the eye - Cepheus Protocol - Encodya (GOG key) Humble Choice July 2021: - Nimbatus - Paradise Killer - Kill it with fire - Bee Simulator - Elderborne - S.W.I.N.E. HD Remaster - Deadly Days - ADOM Humble Deckbuild & Battle: - Neoverse Humble Heal COVID: - Tooth and Tail - This War of Mine - Wargroove - Death Squared - Crusader Kings Complete - Pinstripe - Teleglitch: Die More Edition - Dwarfs!? Humble Down to Earth: - Arida: Backland's Awakening February Choice: - Train Station Renovation January Choice: - Deleveled December Choice: - Shining Resonance Refrain - Zwei: The Arges Adventure - Zwei: The Ilvard Insurrection - Frog Detective 1: The Haunted Island - Path of Giants November Choice: - Rover Mechanic Simulator - Townsmen October Choice: - Iron Danger - Autonauts - Shadows: Awakening - Fantasy Blacksmith - The Suicide or Rachel Foster - Goat of Duty - The Uncertain: Last Quiet Day - Basement - Lightmatter September Choice: - Fun With Ragdolls The Game August Choice: - American Fugitive June Choice (4 choices) - Stygian: Reign of the Old Ones - Remnants of Naezith - Overload - The Stillness of the Wind - The King's Bird April Choice (2 choices) - Molek-Syntez - Raiden V: Director's Cut - Shoppe Keep 2 - Capitalism 2 - Hidden Object Bundle 5 in 1 - Still Life - Nightmares from the Deep 2: The Siren`s Call - STAR WARS - Knights of the Old Republic - AI War 2 - A New Beginning - Final Cut - Hitman GO: Definitive Edition - Journey of a Roach - Psycho Train - Alchemy Garden - Anomaly Complete Pack - ATV Drift & Tricks - Dreamland Solitaire - Hermes: Rescue Mission - Richard & Alice - Caravan - City Climber - Alien Spidy - Broken Age - DUCATI - 90th Anniversary - Hacknet x2 (One with Labyrinths DLC) - HIVESWAP: Act 1 - Pikuniku - Psychonauts - Super Hexagon - Tropico 4 - Reigns - Mr. Shifty - Regular Human Basketball - Think of the Children - Sword Legacy Omen - Almost There: The Platformer Software: - Music Maker EDM Edition + 10$ Voucher Code I'm looking for anything on my wishlist or Paypal Wishlist: https://store.steampowered.com/wishlist/id/KatoMacabre/

Me and my SO broke up around 4-5 weeks ago now, and even though it was a "mutual" break up I'm so broken and this week, quite frankly downright depressed. It would be nice just to hear any words of consolation, advise or wisdom (or even opinions tbh). My ex was my bestfriend and I was his. We lived together, spoke every single day for almost 3 years, were going to get engaged in 2 years, spent all our weekends and evenings together and planned our entire lives together. We shared finances and goals and literally everything. He was my first real relationship and I still can't believe it.
About us
Me 26(F) and my ex partner 23(M) were together from ages 20 (him) and 23 (me) we met during the pandemic through a mutual close friend by chance, basically being at the same place at the right time. I met him when I was at a huge crossroads in my life, had just escaped a total nightmare experience in another country; escaping issues from romance breakdowns to losing jobs to losing friends to crazy people to everything you could think of going wrong and was staying with my godparent's on a whim through the Christmas period, turned out my ex lived quite literally down the road from my godparent's, he had been to my old house-share years before with his ex when I was also with someone else, and we even worked at the same shop when we were 16, everything about us meeting felt like total fate. After a couple of weeks of hanging out on the cold winter streets due to the pandemic, I went to live with my parents in another country, and we decided to continue getting to know each other through long distance, things seemed to be moving pretty fast but in an organic and beautiful way. After only knowing each other for around 2 months we spent our first virtual valentines together where I wrote him an anthology book of poems and he composed a whole ballad for me. Finally in the summer time he came and stayed with me and my parents for 2 weeks and he bought me a silver ring to ask me to be his girlfriend, he had asked my two godsisters about which one they thought I would like. For the next year and a half this was how our relationship went, long distance but seeing each other for 2-3 weeks straight every couple of months. Our relationship felt like a dream, I had never felt so in love and it was the first time I had ever experienced a mutual love. I had had plenty of situationships and weird relationships before, but it was always the case of me liking someone more than they like me or them liking me more, I had never experienced a love where you're both in love with each other at the same time. I was utterly obsessed and so was he. Everything was perfect, I had never been so happy and I felt that my SO was undoing all the pain and self-doubt I had about relationships in the past. We had plans for our wedding, our future, when we're going to get engaged, everything, and this was the first time I had ever experienced a serious love like this. It was the first time I had felt comfortable enough to fall asleep in someone's arms and let my guard down. My SO loved me for me despite my insecurities, and this was the first time I was experiencing real love. My SO told me how happy he was all the time, how I changed his life and how I was the joy in his life and that he would do anything to make me happy. I had never been treated so romantically or with so much love and care. He cared about me in a way that my parents and friends and family friends would comment on it out of how amazing he was with me. Our relationship was perfect for a while.
Around 8-9 months before we broke up, I moved back to the city where I grew up in and both me and my ex are from, and we decided to move in together. We got an apartment through my new job and everything seemed amazing, living together was a dream and I remember never feeling happier.
What lead to the breakup
In February of this year I had back from a 2 week trip to see my parents, and my ex was missing me like crazy, whereas I felt like I wasn't missing him all that much for some reason, to top that off I came home to an incredibly messy house (his friend had stayed over for the 2 weeks) and I had caught a nasty virus which left me unable to hear properly in one ear and lead me to have eustachian tube dysfunction for around 3 weeks. I have pretty bad health anxiety and this was one of the hardest periods of my life. I was on the verge of feeling suicidal and I was suffering from seasonal depression on top of that and it was genuinely one of the toughest, darkest moments in my life. I remember not feeling as supported, cared for or comforted as I would have liked and me and my ex were arguing quite a bit during the time, and he had also been going through a psychological health problem too and I felt like we couldn't be there for each other properly at all, on top of that I felt like I had to keep cleaning up after him/reminding him to do his tasks in the house, and I remember thinking I would be better off if I just lived on my own, as I could see our relationship going to the drain if we continued this way. In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have made any decisions when I was in such a vulnerable and highly distressed state, but I basically told him I want to move out after we had an argument on his birthday that lead him to storm out on me and leave the house (he always did this when we argued, he would say "I can't do this" and leave me hanging which really hurt me) - he seemed okay with this suggestion but also it seemed like he didn't really take me seriously/was in denial? As that same night in an uber he looked at block of flats and said "our next place should look like this". A couple days after this we had had another petty argument and I confided in a male friend who my SO has met and knows everything about, and my friend basically told me that his parents are moving away for 10 months and I could move into a spare room there and pay really cheap rent to his dad, with no contract so it would be good for me and my SO as it would be temporary and I could move back in with him whenever I wanted. He even suggested my SO move into the house as well as we could have seperate rooms which may have helped. So the day after an argument my ex came to comfort me and I basically just dropped a bomb on him and told him that I'm going to be moving in with my friend in a couple weeks time. This lead him to basically have a breakdown and say things like "I'd rather you move countries than move there" "you're going to be happy living with him and not me?" "what if I said I wanted to move in with a childhood female friend?" "I don't wanna come over there and hangout with another guy". I want to make it clear, as I know I may be judged, that I had 0 intentions of "doing" anything with this friend, nothing has ever happened between us even when we've shared the same bed many years ago and our relationship is completely platonic, his parents know me and we've seen each other in our worst moments and he's literally a recovering addict, I explained to my SO that the reasons for moving there would be more than just to help our relationship but also because it would be good for me to get over my health anxiety as there would be a garden and I would be in my childhood borough, and that another problem for me was that me and my so's lives were so out of sync, I was working from home and he was working in the city in a really fast paced environment where he would meet tons of new people and experience things and he would always have a story to tell me when he came home, whereas I felt like my day was so boring and unproductive compared to his and being in that environment wasn't helping the things I was going through, the truth was that I was extremely unhappy with my self/my life and the only thing giving me genuine joy and happiness was my partner and our life together. I didn't realise that until after we broke up. I just want to make it clear that I gave him a very clear vision and genuine reasons for me wanting to do this, it wasn't just "I wanna move in with a male friend" I had given a whole list of reasons, both personal and to do with the relationship but he wasn't okay with any of it and said that it broke his heart and that "maybe we should just break up" because he doesn't see things working if I move somewhere else (even if I don't move in with the friend) because he's going to be so busy and that he doesn't think having "breaks" like this in relationships ever leads to anything good. We both cried and he seemed totally serious about leaving me. I basically begged for him not to do it and I told him I wouldn't move in with my friend. The same night he said to me "you're hurting me, you want to leave me" and I replied "well you want to break up with me?" and he said "I said that in retaliation" which I felt was really horrible and manipulative but I was just glad that he didn't want to actually breakup as the thought of losing him was too much to bare. A couple days passes and he tells me that he's okay with me moving in with my friend, but then every time we're drunk in bed he asks me not to leave and he says stuff like "I'm heartbroken" when he comes home, and in general I can tell he's broken by what happened. 2 weeks later we ended up having another argument over my health anxiety which lead him to telling me that "he's not happy either" and that me complaining about the cleaning/wanting to move out isn't one sided and that he's got things to complain about too, namely that I complain a lot about my life and self and that I'm negative, I asked him why he didn't tell me this before and he said that "he didn't know as it gradually started to bother him" but that I've been like this since the beginning of the relationship and he mentioned breaking up again. I basically pulled the same thing where I started crying my eyes out and begged for him not to leave me as I'll change my negativity and I won't move in with my friend. He said he's willing to give it another go but if things don't change he can't do it anymore. After this incident it was extremely hard for me to gain his trust again as I couldn't believe he had suggested to break up in the first place, I thought we were inseparable, ride or die and that we would never give up on each other unless one of us cheated or there was an intentional betrayal. I explained how upset I was and he basically told me again that he didn't mean what he said and that it was in the heat of the moment and that he wants to be with me and he'll make us happy and help with the cleaning and he once again asked me not to move out and I agreed not to. Everything was going well for 2 months where we only had one argument that was resolved well, until we went to a club 2 days before we broke up and we basically ended up abandoning each other (he wanted to leave due to anxiety I wanted to stay due to the event being a big deal for me and he basically told me to stay) and I ended up getting drunk on my own (I have past alcohol abuse problems that he was aware of), texted him stupid shit like cursing and being offensive and blaming him for being at the event alone, almost dying on an escalator, getting him to call me an uber, coming home and being a crying drunk mess to him to waking up to him sleeping on the couch. The next day I apologized for everything and told him I was in a blackout (he always knew that before we met I had issues with blacking out with alcohol) he told me he forgave me, but then 2 days later he told me he was unhappy and I basically told him that this time if he wants/needs to break up with me then he can and I won't stop him. And he did. I also want to mention here that we both have mental health issues but incredibly different kinds, mine makes me talk about a certain topic (food namely) all day everyday and my body image issues and him makes him anxious and panicky. We always tried to support and be there for each other but I'm more of a pragmatic, motivational speech type of care-giver and he's more affection and love, and I think ironically we both needed the opposite thing from each other.
The breakup
He told me that he was unfulfilled and unhappy in our relationship and that he had been feeling that way for a while, and that there's nothing I can change, he's too hurt and heartbroken and can't go on with the hurt anymore. He told me that he still loves me and will always love me and have a place in his heart for me and that I showed him a love he never even knew was possible but that his feelings towards our relationship changed and that he fell out of love with me. I asked him if he still fancies me and he basically just stayed quiet. I asked him if what happened at the club was what made his decision and he said that it was a big part of it. I told him if I could take back any time I hurt him I could and that he has no idea how sorry I was for what happened at the club (he already knew how sorry I was). What I don't understand is that he never seemed unhappy, he never seemed turned off by me, he always hung out with me and invited me to places, bought me gifts, not once did I ever feel the love had faded - he never treated me differently, I couldn't understand how someone could be feeling so unhappy but seem so normal on the outside. He told me that it was the hardest decision he ever had to make and that it's not one sided, that he tried really hard and he stayed because he loved me, and that we're going through the same thing but that we show it differently but we both have to be strong. I told him that maybe this is also the right choice for me but I would have never been able to be strong enough to do it. He asked me if I'm still going to message him here and there and suggested we go for a drink in 6 months as friends once we've healed and had space. He said despite the hurt he doesn't think of me negatively and will never say anything negative to anyone about me and he said he doesn't want to date anyone for at least a year until he's healed. We cried and held each other. The next day he woke up and started crying next to me before I was even awake and told me he loved me and then went to work, and I haven't seen him since. On day 2 of our breakup I realized that I don't want to be in a relationship when I'm so unhappy with my life/self and that this breakup isn't one sided after all.
The aftermath
We knew we had to keep in contact due to our flat. Immediately after our break up on text I noticed that he was talking to me differently, and when I asked him why he said that it's too hard for him to talk normally with me. We had some back and fourth here and there (mostly started by me) he messaged me a week in to tell me that he has to remove our instagram pictures because it's effecting his daily mood and mental health and that it makes him sad/hurt, even though we said we would remove them together at the same time when we're both ready. I vented to him. A lot. I told him the break up is mutual, I explained to him how hurt I am, how I'm not ready to let go. He was very stoic and mature about everything, which freaked me out and made me second guess everything we ever had. (Immature of me, I know) He told one of our mutual friends that he had been drunk for four weeks straight and things were tough. He seemed happy on instagram stories but then again I guess so did I. In the end I couldn't handle how casual and stoic he was being towards me on text and I ended up blocking him on everything and getting my mom to send him a message explaining that I don't hate him and I've done this for my mental health. He had messaged my mom on her birthday saying that he will always treasure their times together and that he loves her. He responded to my mom's message about why I blocked him saying that he's sad to hear that and he thanked her for the message. He's only messaged her recently to tell her about the flat, saying that he left me bedsheets like I asked and that I'll have to buy food when I come to clean out my stuff as the fridge is empty. He sends her hearts and the fact that he still cares whether I eat or not (I mean the place is gonna empty for 3 weeks so of course there wouldn't be food!) means a lot because I guess it shows that he doesn't hate me despite how much unintentional pain I've caused him. I spoke to his mom just to thank her for everything and she told me that they're all so shocked and upset and that they had never seen him so happy with anyone and told me that they're forever grateful as I brought him out of a dark time period of his life that they never thought he would get out of. She asked to see me and asked if we would ever get back together and she told me that she's hopes that we will because she could see how happy he was and that we genuinely loved each other. It hurts me that my ex only seemed to acknowledge the small time period where he was unhappy because of me and didn't acknowledge how happy I used to make him and how at one point I was the only thing keeping him going in life.
Me now
It brings comfort to know that so many horrible things lead to this breakup and it wasn't just a matter of my partner not loving me anymore. I messed up. I hurt him and he hurt me. I've done a lot of self-reflection and understood that I pushed my ex away with my unhappiness, complaining, negativity and inability to be happy for him. I just wish he would have told me how serious all of these behaviors were and given me an ultimatum before things had blown up in our faces with the whole moving out thing. The truth is towards the last couple of months of our relationship he had been given a new business opportunity that he was extremely occupied, stressed, excited and passionate about as well as doing better than ever with his music career. In contrast with me, I hadn't achieved any of the goals I had wanted to achieve since being together, instead of losing weight I gained weight, instead of having my dream life , my life was a dream just because of my SO. I hadn't achieved anything. I was miserable. But my SO was thriving, doing things he's proud of, getting tattoos, feeling more confident in himself/his life, whereas I was feeling so bad about my life. There are so many things about myself and my life that I want to change. There are so many things I need to work on on the inside and the outside. Being in a relationship at this time would have never worked for me, and for this reason I am grateful for this breakup. But I still love my ex so so much and every day without him presents a new hell, I think about him all the time and have dreams about him constantly. Blocking him was the right choice as I was so hung up over his stories and who he was following and I don't want to let any man have that sort of hold over me. But now he feels like a ghost. I miss him so much and I feel so anxious about him hating me or resenting me. I want to see him again one day like we said, I want him in my life again even if it's just as friends because truly we had an amazing friendship. He is an incredible human being and I hate that I showed him my ugly sides, I know he showed me his too but right now all I do is reflect on the ways I messed up and how I could have been a better girlfriend.
TL;DR: my ex and I were madly in love, his life was going great and mine wasn't going anywhere, he broke up with me after certain events unintentionally hurt him and he started to become more and more unhappy. I soon realised I can't be in a relationship if I'm not happy with my life and self first. Now I've blocked him on everything but as far as I know we're on good/okay terms and hopefully we'll meet again someday.
I understand that this post is confusing as it's not asking for any resolution or particular insight, I just wanted to vent and see if people had gone through anything similar or had any opinions on what happened. Thank you for reading if you did