This is a bit late because I've been putting it off, but here's my brief review of Seattle from visiting for five days around Memorial Day weekend. My boyfriend lives in SE Alaska and I live in the Boston area so we picked Seattle as our place to meet up. Also some friends of mine happened to be visiting that weekend as well so we had a lot of fun.

• The good - Seattle is definitely a beautiful city. I loved the huge assortment of flowers in bloom. My boyfriend and I are Asian, so we loved the huge variety of Asian businesses available to see. We went to Chinatown, Little Saigon, and also Ding Tai Fung. One highlight of my trip was finding an hour-long Chinese massage for only $40 (before tip). We stayed in Beacon Hill and there were a ton of options next to the light rail station. Most of the locals seemed nice but I heard people in Seattle are fake nice.
• The bad - There were a couple of days that were cloudy, which got me a little down, though my boyfriend loved it (hence why he lives in Alaska). Also there are some people with a "unique" sense of style in the city.
• The ugly - I've had a morbid fascination with the homelessness situation in Seattle for a while, so I was definitely prepared, though it was so sad to see. I thought the homelessness was especially bad in the Chinatown/Little Saigon areas which is really detrimental to those communities. I didn't feel too threatened myself though a methhead did run into my boyfriend and threatened him afterwards. I can't say for sure the methhead was homeless though.

Overall I had a great time despite some hiccups. I would definitely visit again!

Around 4 years ago I first tried this drug. I have always had to the same supplier and he is one of my best friends. It started by taking the substance maybe once a month after going out to bars or to a club. Then it became a weekly instance. Every Friday I would grab a couple g and use it throughout the weekend. I got accustomed to using it and I went through a phase where things were starting to fall apart in my life. I should've have taken that as the first sign to quit but instead I continued to use but I found a way to make things work.
Fast forward to the last 5-6 months and my usage was increased to basically every day(6-8 grams a week). I haven't seen many people talk about this but I was totally functional. I would be actively high and mow my yard, do chores, be actively present with my significant other etc. I have been holding a successful position at my work. Everything seems fine but I am ingesting a seemingly increasing amount of k and I am always thinking about the next line.
What has made me stop using is the fact that I was starting to have memory issues. Since I was high all the time I would forget plans that I have made, appointments, birthdays. Also I was having trouble sleeping. Averaging 4-5 hours of sleep a day and not good sleep either. Luckily other than that I wasn't having any medical issues other than a runny clogged nose all the time.
I was definitely abusing but it is making it very hard to stop using because now everything is still the same. I'm still actively going to the gym, same job, same friends, except now I am constantly thinking about how much better I would feel if I was high. I am two weeks without k at the time of this post and I don't know how much longer I can last without relapsing.
My hypothesis is that I am not addicted to the substance. I am addicted to being high. I am addicted to being disconnected from the reality that I have built around me. I am so angry at myself for letting this happen and I feel like I don't deserve a lot of the people in my life. I just wanna get high.
​

I'm a waitress at a local pizzeria. I've worked there for 5 years. Long enough that I'm trusted as head waitress and I work most shifts alone. Mostly lunch shifts. just myself and the cooks. Well the schools had a 4 day weekend for school so my boss scheduled an extra person to help with lunch. Answer phones, help with dishes, help clean tables etc. I got slammed that day so the girl that was scheduled with me cleared my tables for me. Here's where it gets blurry for me. I noticed a tip on a table and I can't remember ever picking it up. my memory is not great. I figured I got it until I counted my money at the end of the shift and didn't see it. It was a very rough $5 bill. I didn't have it. I brought it up to a couple of my coworkers that I trusted and they said they caught the same girl stealing tips and they confronted her but that was it. Kind of a "that's not yours to take." End of the conversation. Well, if two different people caught her on two separate occasions, how many times has she not been caught? So, I told the boss/owner. I explained that I personally had no proof. I just had an observation and a bad memory but the other two caught her in the act. He told us to keep an eye on her since there was no proof. He has cameras but I guess it's just live feed.
It all got back to the girl who was literally caught stealing and she is calling everyone fake. She thought everyone was cool and now we are spreading rumors and what not. I don't have a great relationship with her because of things she said about me when I asked her to cover a shift for me. That's beside the point though. If it was just me and just $5. No big deal.
So aita for telling my boss?
Side note: I don't handle confrontation well. So I'm basically a doormat.

I have a feeling I know what people will tell me and that I wont like what they have to say but I need at the very least to write this out and express my feelings.
So I've had trauma and depression since childhood and in my 20's I abused alcohol and drugs [mostly psychedelics' and some xanax], I had horrible depression. At times I couldnt really see colour or taste food, at times my drinking was so bad I barely ate. Very unstable. Frankly the only reason I didnt end up homeless or dead was that I happened to know other traumatized alcoholics and drug addicts and we co dependently saw eachother through the hard times. My best friend in that particular category overdosed just after the pandemic and that was that. I have poor relations with my family [I do talk to one sister] and only a couple friends left. Those friends are actually pretty stable, though one has kind of a drinking problem as I do.
I went into a pre apprentice trades program as part of Welfare; most of the participants are ex criminals or addicts. I met a girl. She was extroverted, wild, friendly, still using too much coke and things like that but on anti depressants, resolute to raise her son and get him back, stay away from criminals and stay away from the drug trade. For someone whos only ambition was to sleep as much as I could for as long as I could, the fact that she wants a red seal for carpentry and wants to open up a shelter for abused children really impressed me, it made me admire her even. We both had similar backgrounds in that respect only she had a far worse life and still wanted and wants a normal one. Maybe im just desperate and lonely but it really hit me to meet someone I liked who I understood who impressed me.
Anyway; during the program we gradually became friends. Not the best of friends, just friends. And she would flirt with me some as well-- as I said a wild girl so its hard to interpret the flirting, and she said she wanted no man just to raise her son. most of her friends are guys. She wanted to hang out and do shrooms but I was busy, so I invited her over a while later and she accepted. But she got depressed on the weekend and never came down; we continued to hang out but she flirted noticably less. Honestly her friend had just died and a lot of other friends in jail and to be frank I was probably being a self absorbed asshole even to invite her down, but I was excited to see her. About a week ago she got full custody of her kid back and is therefore very busy and mentioned it.
After that the program went online mostly, and she skipped a few days for the funeral and drinking, things like that. I ran into her again on the last day and as we had done previously we hung out with eachother most of the day. We ate lunch (where to give an indication of the relationship in some way; were close enough that while waiting for the food she rested her head on my shoulder and I wrapped my arm around her] grabbed some booze and drank for a couple hours. I asked her if she ever wanted to hang out after the program and she paused for a second to think and then answered: "sure, we both live in the same city unlike those other wackos, we can hang out. but id probably have to bring my son along" Not a word for word accurate quote but its close enough. So right there I, in all honesty from a point of self consciousness, am not sure how to take that. Hesitating because she didnt want to? hesitating because she was thinking out the structure of her life? my impression of her is always that shes fond of me and a very open person, but I make bad decisions and calls. So to my ear saying 'my son might be there' is an honest concession to the fact that shes a single mom and in a sense the willingness to hang out with me and her son is a good sign, yes? But I cant get it out of my head its a bad one.
This is where I am quite embarrassed: The last time we drank together this girl got way too drunk and ended up pissing in some water cups and throwing them out the window of the bus. She didnt get in trouble cause she was further to the back, it all worked out. Yesterday on said bus though I was the one who was way too drunk [and a bit high on coke] and so I pissed into a water bottle-- which I slightly overfilled because it was hard to judge and a bit of piss was on the cap, which I then tightened and threw out the window lol. Ofc the bus driver noticed because im a dumb fuck, and kicked me and the girl off the bus -- at least I think thats what happened, I know we both left but in all honesty my memory is sketchy and I wasnt paying attention.
Long story short im pretty sure I heard the girl say something like 'you got some piss on me' holy fuck my soul shattered into a million pieces. Again as a preface; she seems non judgmental and is more than a little crazy-- drugs, things like that. She burned her arm with cigarettes the other day just as a dare to see who could withstand more pain between her and her friend. So I honestly have NO idea how something like that would be received. A regular person absolutely would call me fucking pathetic [trust me...I know im pathetic] and would want nothing to do with me after that. Maybe shes different?
On the way back home stumbling drunk I texted her 'your cool, text me if you ever wanna hang out' and no reply. Again she just got her kid back and has been saying shes too busy to text people-- she even had an argument with someone who thought he was being ghosted.
Honestly what the fuck do I do:
-I cant stop going over this in my head and tearing myself apart. I really liked her and I feel like I shot myself in the foot to the point where I cant salvage it. The programs over and im honestly not even sure how I can communicate with her. Should I apologize? Do I call her up? Should I wait a few days?
-I am if im being completely honest interested in dating her--- but I dont want to be, because she said she just wanted friends, and I do want to be her friend, and I dont want to be that fucking dishonest simp asshole whos resenting her and sitting on the sidelines. I want the crush to go away because she seems like someone I could be best friends with
-I am also aware that line of reasoning sounds precariously like I love her or something, and im not sure if the feelings will go away
-I'm also just not sure if shes good for me or im good for her. I know that since ive met her ive enjoyed waking up and most of my instincts and things I do are shared with her, and I always have felt like a wild fucking loser who no one understood
-All ive done today is walk around trying to distract myself from this.
-Assuming she isnt mad at me and im just neurotic and mentally ill [definitely]; then how or what should I do in going about hanging out with her? I've never been an adult before, only a drunken loser and a petty thief. Is the subtext of hanging out with a woman and her kid that its a date? Should I just ask a generic thing like 'do you wanna drink and hang out?'
Or maybe im just barking up the wrong tree and shes not even very interested me as a friend, I donno.

A little background: I (29F) was diagnosed with major depression and acute anxiety at age 16. After an abusive and toxic marriage/divorce, I was also diagnosed with CPTSD at age 21. I fell hard into addiction for a solid 6 months before getting sober at age 22. (For reference: I was doing an 8ball of cocaine every few days, taking Xanax for the come-downs, and barely sleeping). I am now newly diagnosed with ADHD as well and feel as though I literally have the trifecta (+1) of horrible mental illnesses that make it hard to function as an adult.
One of the most frustrating things I deal with daily is memory loss. I know this is a result of both mental illness and addiction. I can remember things from years ago, but not what my mom told me on the phone an hour ago unless I literally write it down/set a reminder in my phone. My short term memory is totally shot and I feel horrible about it affecting my relationships…
My FH and I have been together for 3 years, and in that time I have forgotten many of the things we have done like movies we watched or things that have been said (sadly a lot of the good things) but can vividly remember negative situations or words that were said to me.
During a conversation when I brought up something hurtful that he said to me months ago, he told me that I ‘do this on purpose’ (claim to have poor memory but can somehow remember the bad things and not the good) when I truly have zero control of what my brain chooses to remember and chooses to forget… does anyone else deal with this? Is this a learned trauma response from years of abuse and toxic relationships? Why can I remember most negative situations and feelings so vividly but not the positive ones?
I feel SO badly about this and am at a loss because I truly cannot help it. I don’t want to hurt him by forgetting the good things and only remembering the bad but I don’t know how to fix this. Any and all advice welcomed

[First] [Prev] [Next]
This fanfiction is based on The Nature of Predators. Thanks to u/SpacePaladin15 for creating this amazing universe. Please read and support the original work!
It was also inspired by u/YakiTapioca’s Recipe for Disaster and u/Acceptable_Egg5560’s Nature of a Giant. Please give them a read as well, they’re amazing!
Memory transcription subject: Alexander Wolff, Human firefighter
Date [standardized human time]: September 13th, 2136
“Absolutely fucking not!” My frustration with my station commander is almost visibly, but definitely audibly, bubbling out of me while I furiously pace back and forth in her small office. The situation is going splendidly. She called me into her office not even three minutes ago, and we are already almost shouting at each other. “I’m not running away!”
Nicole lets out an equally frustrated sigh. “Alex, you’re not running away. You have to listen to me. I wouldn’t be asking this of you if I wasn’t certain it was the best for you.”
“The best for me?” I stop dead in my tracks and stare at her, a lone tear slowly running down my cheek. “Leaving my family, my colleagues, my friends, my city, my country, and my planet behind?”
She wants to get a word in, but I simply talk over her. “And why me? Karl or Peter or Julia are more deserving of that spot than I am! All three have more experience on the job than me. Karl has been squad leader for years before I even looked at the training manual. Julia’s an actual mechanic and her material knowledge saves our collective asses on pretty much every other call, and Peter has-”
“And they all have their own families here. Partners. Children. In Karl’s case even a grandchild.” Now she interrupts me, her voice carrying a very familiar tone. Our boss spoke like this only when she was making announcements and I learned the hard way that it was always a bad idea to interrupt her at such a moment.
She continues, visibly straining to calm herself down to not escalate our differences into a proper volume contest. “I’ve already asked them and they’ve all refused.”
Nicole stands with her arms crossed in front of her chest, fingers nervously wiggling against the fabric of her black shirt. It is obvious that she’s still fired up from our mutual outbursts as she leans back against the piece of wall next to the tall windows of her office. She turns her head to look outside, watching the fire station’s courtyard where two of our colleagues are doing a routine check on some equipment of one of our fire engines.
After a few more long seconds she forces her gaze away from the window and focuses her aging pale blue eyes on me again. “Look, I know how you feel. I don’t like this entire situation either. But these instructions are signed by senator of the interior Manning himself. Each fire station has to send one member with the preliminary evacuation group. And for our station, that can only be you. You’re the only viable option left.”
“But-”
“No, you’ll hear me out!” She cuts me off before I manage to get out a second word. “I’ve talked with everyone else who meets the requirements stated in the order. Karl, Peter, Julia, Tascha, Ivan, Markus, Günther, Anisa, and Bernd. They all want to stay with their families, no matter what. And the rest of the unit is missing one qualification or another, or hasn’t been on the job long enough.”
Her arms drop and she shuffles around her crowded desk to stand in front of me. The late afternoon autumn sun filters through the half-lowered blinds, making her slightly graying blonde hair glisten like strands of gold. Her days of duty on a fire engine are years in the past, but she is just as passionate and dedicated in her position as our station commander.
Nicole draws in a deep breath. “All of them told me in no uncertain terms that they would only go if they could take their families with them. But since that’s not possible…”
Her voice trails off for a moment before she continues. “Alex, I’ve heard the discussions and rumors as well as everyone else here. If nothing happens then you can simply mark this down as a fancy extended vacation paid for by the government and then tell us how Venlil Prime was. But in the worst case… we will need people with your knowledge, your heart, and your passion to rebuild.”
I’m biting my cheek while listening to my boss, whether out of frustration or nervousness I can’t tell. A moment later I breathe a defeated sigh and nod my assent with my gaze cast at the ground. “Okay, I’ll do it. But for the record, it still feels like running away. I will be gone for so many months, and you’ll be down one crew for all my shifts. It just doesn’t feel right for me to leave you guys hanging like this.”
Hearing my response a warm and caring smile appears on Nicole’s lips. “Thank you. And you’re not leaving us hanging, Alex. I know only very few other firefighters that are as engaged as you are. You put in so much effort and passion even outside your shifts.”
She continues, rattling down the list of things I do as if it was anything special. It doesn’t feel special to me, I’m just doing what felt necessary to help out my colleagues and the fire department.
“Don’t think I wouldn’t notice!” She teases me with a smirk. “You put in several hours with the youth brigade every other weekend, you’re first in line to volunteer for PR work at schools and universities and sports competitions, and when there’s a festival or any other event you always show up for at least one shift of EMS.”
I jump a little when she places her hands on my shoulders, but her now calm and almost soothing voice quickly puts me at ease. I lift my eyes and meet her gaze. “Whether or not you see it that way, you’re one of our best. I know you won’t let us down. And when this whole thing has blown over, you’ll come back to us and tell us about the aliens you met and how you showed them how firefighting is done properly. Okay?”
“Okay, boss.” I force a weak smile.
“Good. The shuttle for your group will leave Tuesday at 0800 from terminal 3, so be there at 0700.” Nicole releases my shoulders before she turns and grabs a stack of papers from her desk. “Here’s the details, the boarding gate, how much baggage you can bring along, what the shelter on Venlil Prime will be like, and so on.”
She huffs apologetically. “I know it’s on rather short notice, but the entire government is basically in emergency mode, from our Senate here all the way to the big guys in Berlin, and they wanted this evacuation happening yesterday.”
Still feeling dejected, I take the documents from her. “Thanks, boss. And… sorry for getting loud.”
She waves her hands. “Eh, don’t worry about it. I know you only mean well, and these times are difficult for all of us. You know I’ll never hold it against you that you basically wear your heart on your sleeves.”
I turn to leave but stop when she suddenly continues.
“Oh, one more thing. I’ve already cleared you from work for your remaining stay on Earth. You’ll probably need the next few days to prepare your things for the trip.”
I nod and reply softly. “Thank you. I appreciate it, really.”
Without any further words I quietly slip out of her office, closing the door behind me with a sigh. After closing my eyes for a second and taking a deep breath to help me calm down, I turn left, the direction of our locker room.
You can do this, Alex. You heard your boss, it’s just a precaution ordered by our government. Once the panic settles you’ll come back and tell some great stories.
My walk to the locker room only lasts a handful of moments and I absentmindedly key in the combination to my personal compartment. Before putting the documents away I give them a quick browse.
Let’s see… boarding via gate F5, baggage is a locked box with two sets of my personal protective gear provided by the station, plus a total of 150 liters of luggage in any form… Okay, that’s quite a lot. Not sure I’ll need that much.
Then I get to the pages about the camp. The buildings look simple and functional, and the units inside appear to be clean and good enough for human habitation. Depending on your needs you’d get differently sized rooms with an appropriate number of beds and other furniture, plus a small attached bathroom.
No communal showers and I get to shit in peace. Okay, that sounds better than I expected.
Automated laundry service like in a hotel. That was nice, the last thing I’ll be needing on an alien planet is having to worry about the reserves in my underwear drawer. Seems that whoever runs this shelter really did their homework. It definitely could have been much worse. But we’ll see how well the actual location manages to hold up to the promises made on the flier.
The following pages are a description of the general area and the local attractions. Small town, quite rural surroundings.
Oh well, let’s hope their rural folks are a bit less judgemental than some of the backwater villages on Earth.
I finally put the documents away, not wanting to waste my precious downtime staring at some paper. You never know when the next call comes in, and once it does we have to be on the road within the next 90 seconds. You learn pretty quickly to be very aware of your time management, especially regarding the toilet. Nobody wants to be in an audience with the porcelain god when the alarm goes off.
After closing my locker, I make my way to the break room. I get barely a single step into the room when I see the heads of the six colleagues sitting on the couch turn at me in perfect sync.
“And?” Karl’s slightly graying buzzcut combined with his stupid, wide, shit eating grin immediately stands out from the crowd. “How was your chat with the boss?”
I quirk a brow. “What do you mean?”
“Yeah, how did it go?” Julia quips, her auburn hair dangling from her head in two thick braids perfectly framing her pale freckled face. “We could hear your little shouting match all the way to here. We even had to pump up the volume on the TV to not accidentally eavesdrop!”
Aw crap. Well, time to rip off the bandaid.
I take a deep breath, and after a short moment of hesitation I spill the beans. “I’m leaving for Venlil Prime on Tuesday. I’m sorry.”
Julia and the other five all but jump to their feet. She rushes me and grabs me in a tight embrace. “What do you mean, you’re sorry? That’s great news! Especially since Nicole really didn’t have much choice left. Glad you picked up her offer before she had to order you to go.”
“Uh huh. She told me you all said no to her already.” I reply, returning the embrace which is getting even more stuffy now with the others eventually joining in.
“Yep. No way we’re leaving our growing families behind.” Günther speaks out, hinting at his daughter due to be born in two months. When I see his lips curl into that grin I already know something incredibly silly will be coming out of his mouth in the next few seconds. “We all have our roots settled here already, but you’re still young and can fly like a teeny tiny birb across the galaxy.”
“I’ll give you ‘tiny birb’ once I get out of this group hug!” I tease in return, earning a laugh from everyone around. “But seriously guys, it’s getting hot in here.”
Eventually they relent and release me, moving to stand in a circle around and peppering me with countless questions and comments.
“You’ll have to send us a message when you get there, okay?”
“Don’t forget to exercise, would be a shame if you came back all withered away.”
“You do realize that Venlil Prime has like 20 percent higher gravity than Earth? Tiny birb here will have problems walking around… ouch!”
“Do you think they have a proper fire brigade over there? I somehow can’t imagine people so skittish and easily frightened being able to put up with this stuff.”
Everyone was laughing and joking, especially Günther whose deep rumbling but jovial voice easily carries through the corridors of the station, when suddenly the all too familiar alarm klaxon sounds and the incident announcement echoes around us.
“STATION 23: HLF 1, HLF 2, DLK, RTW 1, RTW 2, ELW 1. STATION 24: HLF 1, HLF 2, RTW 1, RTW 2. HIGH-SPEED ROAD TRAFFIC COLLISION, FOUR VEHICLES INVOLVED, TWO PERSONS TRAPPED. POLICE ALREADY AT THE SCENE.”
All joking and laughing is instantly forgotten while everyone runs towards their assigned vehicles and quickly changes into the heavy duty clothes. Barely a minute later the gates of Station 23 open, and my unit’s vehicles rush towards the accident with sirens blaring and lights flashing. Inside HLF 2 I went through my mental checklist while putting on my gear.
Heavy RTC, probably some leaking liquids, chance of compromised battery cells. With that many involved vehicles we have to prepare at least two squads for fire suppression and prevention, while the rest will work on getting the trapped people out. Okay, gear check: hood… mask… air tank… respirator… data uplink… radio… IR… ELoc…
[First] [Prev] [Next]

It hurts me sometimes that even tho we’ve spent years in love, in a relationship, you never got to see me under a certain light, and I never got to see you that way too.
Walking around this city, I see places that I used to look at online when we were dreaming about this, and I remember how my heart was beating when I’d imagine you there embracing me and loving me in public where we finally can. For months I’ve been looking at couples in public and feel my heart aching. It doesn’t hurt as much now, but sometimes, only sometimes, it does.
I hate your apartment, I hate that part of town. I hate that i was with you in the place where you fell in love with me for the first time, and it didn’t affect you in any way. I hate that I looked at those walls, looked at my stuff in your place. Looked at your bed. At your clothes. And realised that this is not my “home” anymore. It was never my home I knew, but metaphorically speaking it was. Sometimes I lay in bed and close my eyes to try to remember just for a second how I felt when we cuddled when we slept next to each other the first night I was here.
I hate going on dates, they all seem so fascinated by me. They adore me, they’d do anything for me. Some guy was singing for 4 hours non-stop for me. Another girl wanted to make me a custom made dress after a 25 minutes date. And trust me I’ve tried driving them insane. I’ve tried acting weird and clingy so they’d leave, but they never did. I tried being distant, still never did. No matter what i do I’m stuck with the difficult decision to leave every time. This just makes me more sad that you never got to see me in that way. If these people who I had no real interest in were that enchanted. I wonder how you’d be, when you’re the only person who I loved truly.
And I hate how one day you’ll have a first date, and all those things that I wanted us to have but with someone else who’s not me. And trust me when I say, just the thought of this makes me physically sick. I had to take pain killers just to tolerate this.
I say loved not still love because im trying my best to move on. But this doesn’t make sense when we never got to live the relationship we were in for 2 years, not even for a day. Remember that day when we were out and it was just us? how we walked around that neighbourhood and laughed. We played music in the car, then when you finally took me home I wasn’t ready to let you go. So I asked you if we can play with your car’s screen. And although it only gave me 30 more minutes. I was happy that I pulled it off. I never told you this but, I didn’t hug you that night because I was thinking the whole way home about kissing you. But I couldn’t do it.
See I know I’m aggressive and mean sometimes. but it’s only cause I’m deeply afraid. It’s easier to tap into these kinds of emotions. And trust me, it’s so much harder to hug you sometimes. I wish you’d do something that would silence my mind. And I think im too dumb for writing this when we broke up over a year ago.
A year, remember when I told you “if we ever broke up, I’ll give you a year to come back and I’ll take you back”. This hurts. And I think you’re already with someone else. I mean, I’ve seen things. I’ve seen how you show her how the moon looked at the sky.
And I hate looking at the sky now, during the day I remember how you asked me to be yours and said “my darling who’s bright as the sun I’d say, be mine and I’ll forever lighten up your day”. If it’s not my day anymore. But I wish you well. Even tho it hurts me deeply. It hurts too much to know that you’re no longer mine, but it hurts even more to know that you’re someone else’s.
I couldn’t accept it, cause how can you just stop loving me. How can you just give up on me. How can you? I don’t know how you never stopped for a moment and thought that I was one hour away now and not a 6h flight away. I don’t know how you never randomly showed up at my place. I don’t know why we never got to live anything real. And it breaks my heart that I loved you so much way more than anyone else, but I’ll have more memories with them than you. You were only in my screen. And maybe if I never moved you’d still be with me. Maybe I pushed you away here. Maybe.
And maybe you didn’t text on my birthday because you didn’t wanna upset who I’m sure you’re seeing. But how did I go from being me, me…, to becoming the person you’re okay with losing.
If I can ask for anything, id ask you to show me the way. Show me how you were able to let go of a love like ours. how you got over me, me. And I don’t know why I keep repeating “me”. Maybe cause I think I must have meant to you what you meant to me. Or maybe not. But still, is what you’re doing now what I should do too? But how? When all my love have been used up on us.
Although I hate you sometimes for what you did, I still miss you deeply. It’s like I see you as 2 different people. I want you but I hate you at the same time. And this is so damn embarrassing, but I can’t even mention your name to people around me. Not even to myself sometimes. Please be happy.
Someone asked me today to be their girlfriend. I said no, they asked me to take some time to think about it. They know about us. And they’re okay with it. But it wouldn’t feel fair, but maybe I can love them later. isn’t that what you did? A year alone and no progress, I’ve had random stuff but those don’t count as I’ve never opened up or let them in. But maybe if I did just once, it would be easier. Weird that you won’t be my last relationship. It’s like we’re fading.
I promise you starting today, I’ll never write you any letter. I’ll never look at your pictures. I’ll never try to find you in some strangers’ letters here. Or try to find your car in the street. I promise you that I’ll move out of my flat early July and I’ll never tell you where I live. I’ll never listen to our song. I’ll never even say your name again or look at every S and C and think about you. But I wish that maybe sometimes, before you sleep, or during the day when you see something sweet and innocent that reminds you of me, the girl you once loved, you’d remember the love we had. And I also wish that one day you’ll stop seeing me as a monster, and instead you’ll think of me again as someone who you used to think that she’s “bright as sun”
Take care,
Goodbye forever this time. I’m letting you go. please always be happy. If I’ll ever hear anything about you by chance then I hope it’s something that’ll make me cry of happiness for you. I wish you all the luck that you can get. I wish you’d just be happy.
Take care again, please,
w, who used to be bight as the sun

So we're at our 30th session. Most things have played the way you would think concerning Vallaki. There was an attack, Lady Wachter tried to dispose of the players afterwards, they fought back, scared the locals and ran away with their tails between their legs. Urwin died but was preserved by our bard so he could still be revived 10 days later. His wife took him and the kids to the winery seeing Vallaki starting to crumble. They alsa gave Blinksy wood from the Gulthias tree (he wanted to make magical toys).
Lots happend after. Days later they ignited the beacon, annoyed Strahd and they're on their way to Vallaki to get the wedding dress for the abbot. On their way they were attacked by creepy living dolls trying to kill them (after investigating they noticed they were carved from Gulthias tree wood). They also met Strahd who basically said their games are done. He saw the beacon and is now just going to Krezk to persuade Ireena to come with him. It's time for a wedding and the party is not invited! When they arrived at the gates of Vallaki, they noticed new guards at the gate (vampire spawn) and when they got the new mayor, it was Escher (who they met at the dinner). That's where I stopped the session.
So basically the town is completely different now. Vargas died (they know that), Lady Wachter is holed up in her house after the party killed her men. Strahd saw this and send in Escher as mayor (trying to give him something to do). Escher however saw an opportunity and brought vampire spawn with him.
When they enter the town and walk around they would see:

• People hammered to walls with nails (these are some of the people who spoke out against them taking over control. Among them Szoldar, the remaining hunter who helped them during the church attack)
  
• Father Lucian hammered to the wall of his church (dead).
  
• People stay indoors. Sometimes they hear a scream from someone who dare move outdoors or someone who's dragged from their house 'for questioning' (We run a tight ship here in Vallaki!)
  
• If they go to Blinksy they find him dead in his shop. Stabbed to death by his own dolls. They see small feet that run through the blood towards and open window. A bloody smear from a little hand on the glass. In his shop you notice pieces of black wood strewn about. half finished carved doll heads still on his workbench.
  

So basically I got some setting and an idea, I just have no idea how this would continue once they arrive. I figured Escher has strict orders from Strahd to not let them leave if they turn up. This might turn into a fight against vampire spawn, Escher and maybe a bride. I just want this to be a little bit more than just 'arrive - sorry can't leave - fight against vampire spawn - done'.
Any tips would be greatly appreciated.

Hi guys, I am going mad, my game is constantly and instantly crashing - it's simply unplayable. I played early launch and a couple of days into launch with zero issues leveling from 1-60. The last couple of days it's been getting worse, and today I can do absolutely NOTHING. Logging into the game and using 1-3 spells or opening any form of inventory, paragons etc. instantly crash the game (fenris error) or sometimes 'ran of out memory'. I have no other programs running, and closed all proceses of Razer Synapse, Wallpaper engine, Rivatuner, afterburner etc. etc. I have tryed all in-game settings (using low textures, 60 FPS lock, no periphiral lightning, DisableChromaEffects = 1 in pref file etc.). I have DDU installed new drivers both the newest one and an older version in safe mode, have repaired the gamefiles, also reinstalled the game, also reinstalled battle.net + the game to a diffrent harddrive, have done a memory test with no issues coming up, have diasables XMP on memory and no CPU overclock. Have fully updated windows and checked for updates. I have no idea what is suddenly happening - but I cannot play anymore.
Specs:
On PC; i7-7700k; Rog Strix 2080ti; 16gb corsair vengeance (3200 but running stock), windows 10 64bit, Nvidia driver version 535.98 (tried to use 2-3 older versions also, but had no issue at launch so doubt this is the culprit). G-sync ROG PG279QM 240hz display using displayport.
Someone please tell me why the game is suddely not working at all - THANK YOU!

How do I explain to my boyfriend that his close female friend makes me uneasy?
To start, I (18f) have a boyfriend (23m) who I’ve been with for around 6 months. I met him on an online game and through him I met one of his closest friends (24f).
Before my boyfriend and I got together, he was in a relationship with another girl. That relationship went really sour after a month and he was really hurt after it. Before getting into a relationship with me, there was a few days were him and his close female friend were flirting, discussing getting into a relationship and so on, despite my feelings I supported them.
Needless to say their “relationship” didn’t actually get any further than that, from what I gathered she had a miriad of mental health issues and when she went into an in patient facility, he ended things with her because he realized that what she needed was not something that he was able to give. I saw him the day it happened and he was distraught, even more so than the ending of the official relationship he had.
I was there for him through that and eventually we decided that we would give things a try. I always felt really guilty as I felt like I stole him from her when she wasn’t able to talk to him, due to her being in a in patient facility. Initially we hid it from the main friend group as not to cause drama, but after we talked to her privately and she gave the green light, we became more open about our relationship.
About a month after that occurred, she was hanging out with us and I will admit I got a little anxious, because she was talking about their friendship before I came around, and she was telling a bunch of inside jokes that I “wouldn’t understand”. I started having a panic attack and kinda tuned out, but according to my boyfriend she kept trying to assure him that I’d be fine, and to just leave me alone for a bit. Eventually he shouted at her to stop, because she was starting to stress him out. She got upset and left.
Following that incident she told us she didn’t want to hang around us for a while so we could “work on our relationship.” We agreed and we didn’t get on the game for a few days. When we did get back on, we joined a friend of ours and she was there. She apparently started getting upset and left immediately after seeing our names, and the group starting yelling at us that we were awful people for not respecting her boundaries. Neither of us saw her online.
Both my boyfriend and myself were alienated after that, and although she talked to my boyfriend, she didn’t talk to me, and from what I gathered the girls in the friend group were calling me a wh*re for “stealing her guy” and “breaking girl code”.
Since then I’ve felt really uneasy being around her, we were “invited” back to the friend group after 2 1/2 months and it’s pretty much gone back to her subtle jabs and talking exclusively of memories that involve the two of them and it’s beginning to make me resent her, but I don’t know how to say something without it causing harm to my boyfriend. He’s reassured me multiple times that he doesn’t like her like that, and that he had gotten with her at a really low time in his life but I don’t know. I want to explain it to him without coming off like it’s her or me.

My fiancé "Maggie" (29f) has a lot of issues. Issues that she has not gotten help for or a diagnosis. She was diagnosed with PTSD and severe depression years ago and CPS told her since she had mental disabilities that she was incapable of taking care of her kid. Now she outright refuses to get help for this exact reason. She doesn't want to be labeled and then have DHHS on her doorstep again. Her trauma and fear surrounding this IS valid so please don't pull the "she's an AH for not getting help" argument. She tried and the system failed her.
A few things are incredibly obvious. Like I know for a fact she has OCD tendencies, ADHD and sensory issues (on top of her PTSD). Repetitive noises (ie: dogs licking themselves, dogs nails on the floor walking behind her, dogs drinking water, dogs barking/whining). She loves dogs. Hates the noises they make. Every noise. It drives her mental. She gets overloaded incredibly quickly with the noises. To a point of not wanting to go to my sister or mother's house unless she's outdoors because she cannot stand being surrounded with 3 dogs (they both have 3 dogs each) and the continuous sounds they make or the amount of dog hair on everything. She will invite them to our place all day long but cannot stand going to their houses.
Well, this past weekend was my neices 8th grade graduation/party following and despite her not wanting to go because of the dogs, she sucked it up for our nieces sake. Within an hour she was ready to rip her hair out. The dogs were at her feet the entire time and wouldn't leave her alone. One of them is an excessive licker and that was driving her bat shit crazy. One of them is a whiner as well so that didn't go over well. She goes outside to the car and put her head on the steering wheel. I go out and ask what's wrong (I genuinely didnt know at this point) and she just about snapped. She said "if I have to be around those dogs for 5 more fucking minutes and listen to them licking themselves and whining I'm truly going to yeet myself off the nearest building." But she was angry when she said it. Partially yelling. So I told her to quiet it down and stop acting like a psycho and we would leave soon. She looked at me like I was a dick, started the car and took off. Went to her mom's house and she's been there since. She says I'm a "fucking prick" for making her feel invalidated.
ETA: there are definitely more noises that bother her but the issue is the dogs for this scenario so those are the only issues I outlined. And to be clear: my fiancé is a damn good woman and has many coping mechanisms that work for her- hence why she removed herself from the equation without causing a scene. I simply didn't like being snapped at.

Prompt used: Rewrite the following text in Terrence McKenna trip report style Source trip report: https://www.reddit.com/tripreports/comments/10ul2eg/what_was_in_that_gummy_a_cannabis_oil_trip_report/
Trip Report: A Journey through the Veil of Perception
Preface: Let it be known that I embark upon this report with full acknowledgment of my underlying issue of anxiety. My chest pain, experienced during this profound journey and lingering beyond the peak, was undeniably real. The panic that ensued was a response to the physical discomfort rather than the cause. Please bear this in mind as I recount the extraordinary events that transpired.
+14:00: As the clock struck 2:00 PM Eastern Time, a peculiar day unfolded before me. My wife, in an act of legality and love, procured a set of gummies from a reputable establishment in the United States. The label bore the words "Infused Gummies" with a promising 50mg per serving, while the primary ingredient remained shrouded in mystery, merely labeled as "Cannabis oil." My online investigation into this product revealed skeptical Reddit posts dismissing its legitimacy. Nonetheless, I brushed it off, assuming it was a CBD-infused treat, a substance I regularly consume without adverse effects. To provide some context, I am a 30-year-old weighing 135 lbs. I once dabbled in smoking marijuana but ceased due to its tendency to induce panic attacks, often accompanied by chest discomfort and pain. I now rely on Prozac 20mg to quell my anxiety, supplemented by a nightly off-label dosage of 25mg Hydroxyzine for sleep.
+14:10: Ingesting the gummy, I initially believed it to be a calming CBD variant. Engrossed in the world of Valorant, I playfully proclaimed my altered state to fellow players over the microphone, exclaiming, "Marijuanaaaaa.... dudes." Surprisingly, my performance seemed enhanced, surpassing my usual abilities. Delving deeper into the experience, I sipped a cup of black coffee, unaware of the potential for heightened anxiety in the near future.
+14:15: In an abrupt twist, the familiar chest pain associated with marijuana engulfed me. It became apparent that this was no mere CBD-induced relaxation; something more potent coursed through my veins. Instinctively, I called for my wife, desperately seeking solace amidst mounting discomfort. With great difficulty, I implored her to administer 2mg of Diazepam, a prescribed remedy for my airplane anxiety, rumored to hasten the conclusion of psychedelic episodes. As the chest pain intensified, my mind succumbed to panic. I reached out to my mother and eventually dialed 911, my tears cascading as I pleaded for a picture of Jesus from my desk. Convinced of my impending demise, I yearned to seek forgiveness for any unconfessed transgressions, lamenting the challenges faced by my wife, who resides on the autistic spectrum. Already burdened by the loss of her beloved father to ALS, the thought of leaving her bereft filled me with anguish and compelled me to question the cosmic purpose behind such suffering. Through my tears and cries, I beseeched, "Who stands to gain from my demise? What purpose does this serve?"
Times noted beyond this point are approximations, for my perception had begun to warp under the influence.
+14:25: The arrival of the Emergency Medical Technicians (ENTs) brought a temporary respite from my inner turmoil. As they attended to my wife's inquiries, my impatience surged, compelling me to interject, convinced of my ability to provide the answers they sought. In hindsight, I later learned that ENTs typically direct their questions to the sober party, a fact that eluded me in that moment. Despite my belief that I could not walk without succumbing to death, their reassurances and gentle support emboldened me to prove otherwise..
+14:30: Time became an elusive concept as the ambulance stood still, a stationary vessel in the fabric of existence. Vitals were attended to, though my memory blurred the distinction between moments. A vibrant-haired Emergency Medical Technician (ENT) uttered words of intrigue, speaking of the same gummies that had unraveled my consciousness. Was this a genuine expression or a kind attempt to allay my fears? The examination of my vitals revealed a disquieting remark: "That's a little high," one of the ENTs whispered. A brief return to rationality prompted an apology and a desperate plea for mercy. Tears streamed down my face as I poured out my soul, recounting the challenges endured by my wife on the autistic spectrum and the loss of her father to the merciless grip of ALS. In my anguish, I implored the heavens, questioning the purpose behind such torment. Who would gain from inflicting further suffering upon a kind, gentle soul already burdened by life's struggles?
It was in this moment that the conviction of my imminent demise overwhelmed me. The chest pain intensified, and a peculiar sensation tingled in my lower abdomen, convincing me of organ failure. "I am on the precipice of crossing over," I declared to the ENTs. "No one dies within the confines of an ambulance." But suddenly, the torment subsided, swept away by a surge of relief. With closed eyes, I beheld an orange light followed by the brightest, most encompassing white light. "I have traversed to the other side... I have arrived!" I exclaimed to the bewildered paramedics. I found myself in the presence of God, enveloped by the comforting embrace of divine radiance. The ethereal light formed a half-circle, with our world represented by a slender orange line and the fiery depths of hell occupying the other half. Within this heavenly realm, I basked in warmth, bathed in love, and received the answer I sought from the divine.
+14:45: During this stage, the veil of coherence began to fray. I recall directing some harsh words towards the ENTs, probing their beliefs and urging them to seek redemption. When I questioned their faith, the red-haired paramedic revealed himself to be an atheist. Unfazed, I declared that I had encountered his long-lost dog from his Tennessee days, now by my side in the celestial realms. Overwhelmed by emotion, I wept uncontrollably, for the silence that followed spoke volumes. In my mind, it confirmed the authenticity of my otherworldly connection. "Your dog waits for you in this sacred realm, do you not comprehend?" After a prolonged pause, the paramedic finally responded, "I never had a dog." Did he speak the truth, or did his atheistic worldview deny the profound truth I had unveiled, refusing to acknowledge that I had accurately revealed the dog's name and place of residence? I also sensed the presence of Mother Teresa, emanating warmth, love, and deep understanding. A desire to explore her life and teachings stirred within me, eager to delve into her wisdom once this extraordinary experience concluded.
Yet, paranoia began to take hold, exacerbated by the remnants of past marijuana-induced anxiety. Doubts crept in, whispering malevolence in the shadows. A nagging suspicion emerged that this ambulance and its occupants were not what they seemed. Every word uttered by the ENTs appeared tinged with sarcasm, as if they mocked and derided me. Reluctant to share personal details, I refused to provide my phone number, questioning the necessity in the face of impending demise. When asked for my social security number, I hesitated, demanding an explanation. "Why do you require such information if I am destined for death
+14:50: The realms of transcendence once again beckoned, and I ascended to the heavenly abode to administer my judgment upon those who had shown me cruelty and malice. "The fire approaches! Your world shall meet its end in seven days," I warned them with conviction. Their response, though, reminded me of our shared fate. "But you too reside in this realm, therefore you shall be part of that impending doom," they retorted. Undeterred, I refuted their claim, directing their attention to the earthly vessel below, pointing out, "This man, encased in flesh down there, is but a fragment of the earth, forever bound to your world. Look at that visage! Handsome, isn't he? Yet he is not the essence that resides where I am, bathed in the luminous radiance."
In a whimsical turn, I offered to descend from the heavens, mocking their requests for communication. "Oh, so you desire my presence amongst you? Let me descend the celestial ladder," I playfully gestured with my hands, mimicking the act. "Here I am, back in your midst. What is it that you seek once more? My social security number, perchance?" Their confirmation elicited a pause, during which I began to recite the digits once again. But my delivery took a sharp turn, revealing the depths of my mistrust and suspicion. "It is XX-XXX-F.U.C.K.Y.O.U! Perhaps you crave my bank account details to pilfer my worldly possessions upon my departure? Or my address, so you may torment my wife as retribution for my perceived transgressions?" Regrettably, much of the subsequent dialogue remains obscured in the mists of memory. Nonetheless, they denied harboring such nefarious intentions, vehemently asserting their innocence.
A profound paranoia took hold, feeding upon the fertile soil of insults hurled and perceived grievances. I became convinced that their fury had escalated to the point where they planned to plunge the ambulance, with me ensnared within, into the depths of a watery abyss. The sensations of jolts and a disconcertingly linear trajectory only cemented this dreadful conclusion. The insertion of an intravenous line into my arm became tainted with the belief that it served as a sinister instrument, a tool intended to puncture and end my fragile existence. It was a distorted delusion, crafted by my distressed psyche, yet it enveloped me with a chilling realism and unshakable terror.
+14:50: Then, as I arrived at the hospital, the fabric of reality unraveled into a tapestry of hallucinations. The edifice before me appeared unfamiliar, triggering a sudden revelation. "Ah, it all becomes clear now! This (privately funded ambulance company) incessantly bombards us with entreaties for funding because they clandestinely transport unsuspecting souls to serve as unwilling organ donors or some grotesque enterprise!" The realization struck me with a thunderous force. In the depths of my mind, I conjured an intricate web of conspiracy, intertwining the origins of COVID with the nefarious actions of the United States government. A chilling notion gripped me—those of us vaccinated, myself included, were susceptible to an insidious trigger, ingeniously concealed within a government-manufactured "gummy." I wove a nightmarish narrative where this counterfeit hospital, a den of deception, conspired to exploit individuals like me, destined for organ harvesting or worse. The truth crystallized within me—the United States, a realm of deceit and propaganda, while China, in their assertions, held the keys to veracity.
As I rolled along the hospital corridor, a mantra escaped my lips, reverberating through the sterile air. "China's gonna get y'all! China's gonna get y'all!" I chanted relentlessly, a fervent proclamation of impending reckoning. In my altered state, I believed myself to be the sole patient who had unveiled the facade of this fabricated facility, and my mission was to awaken others to this truth. But their vacant gazes and apathetic demeanor revealed an unsettling indifference to my urgent warnings.
One of the ENTs interjected, uttering enigmatic words that pierced the fabric of my perception. "We got their balloon. Shot it down. It was a spike/spice balloon," they revealed. At the time, unaware of the news and its dissemination, I perceived the ENT as an agent of the clandestine "organ harvesters" or the enigmatic CIA, intricately entwined within the web of the COVID, vaccine, and gummy conspiracy. The details he disclosed about the balloon being downed assumed the guise of top-secret information, irrelevant to my fate as I teetered on the brink of imminent demise.
As I lingered in the hallway, awaiting the solace of a room, my presence caught the attention of a bespectacled individual donning a mask, seated beside a bedridden soul. His gaze fixated upon me, undoubtedly captivated by my perceived insanity, transforming me into a spectacle of amusement. Yet, my distorted psyche translated his scrutiny as a covert examination, reminiscent of a CIA operative. "Ah, another one they've brought in, one who has unraveled the intricate tapestry of deception. Well, his days are numbered, and escape eludes him," I interpreted from the contours of his countenance.
This marked the pinnacle of my transcendent journey, where the boundaries of time blurred into a tapestry of shifting realities. I fervently swore that I had journeyed six decades into the future, emerging from a deep coma. The resonant voice of an aged woman echoed in my ears, tenderly caring for an individual robbed of speech. It dawned upon me that the voice belonged to my beloved wife, weathered by the passage of time. Her speech bore the familiar cadence and nuances, albeit slowed and burdened with fragility. She must have been in her eighties. How I longed to communicate, to convey that I could hear her, but the words eluded me. My aged wife gently spoke, "My middle daughter and I are closest to him, and we shall advocate for his well-being." In that moment, fear metamorphosed into unbridled elation! Daughters, I have daughters? Three radiant souls bearing my legacy. How wondrous! Yet, the revelation carried a shadow of estrangement, for only the middle daughter extended her care. In the boundless realm of technological advancements and the complexities of a changing world, the fractures in a father-daughter bond could manifest in unforeseen ways, a mystery shrouded in the mists of uncertainty.
+15:00: The room embraced me as I was gently rolled into its confines, gradually reconnecting with reality, or at least a semblance of it. A glimmer of awareness flickered within me, nudging my conscience to acknowledge the tumultuous barrage of mean-spirited and belligerent words that had escaped my lips. Apologies flowed incessantly towards the red-headed ENT, a genuine attempt to atone for my transgressions. Yet, his reassurance echoed through the air, soothing my troubled mind, urging me to release the weight of remorse. The older, gray-haired ENT graced my presence as well, and my repentant refrain persisted, "Sorry, sorry," reverberating like a mantra.
Left alone in the room, a recurrent visitor caught my attention. Suspicion coursed through my veins as I wove intricate narratives of espionage, unsure whether these clandestine figures were undercover agents for the United States or some inscrutable force aligned with China. However, a sudden realization pierced the veil of confusion—those fools had unwittingly left me with my cell phone! Elation surged within me as I seized the opportunity to capture firsthand footage, an unadulterated glimpse into the clandestine machinations lurking within these hidden corridors. With a short selfie video and a fervent declaration, "This is what's really going on...you won't find this place on any map here in the US! Please find me!" I harnessed the encrypted power of the Signal app, ensuring the transmission remained concealed from prying eyes.
Shortly thereafter, a visitor graced my presence, their identity fading into the recesses of my memory. Yet, their words resonated, "Two people would like to visit you. Your wife, and I believe the other is your mother." As they both entered the room, the illusion crumbled, the veil of delusion torn asunder. No longer ensnared within the clutches of a covert facility, their words flowed with lucidity, tethered to the realm of normalcy and comprehension. Realization dawned upon me—I had consumed a gummy, and the imminent blood work would unveil any potential lacing of additional substances. Paranoia lingered, and I questioned, "Who's that guy who keeps walking by? He's a Chinese spy, isn't he?" Their assurances tempered my fears, dismissing the mysterious figure as a mere visitor or custodian.
+15:15: As the tendrils of reality tightened their grip, I grappled to maintain coherence amidst the sporadic fluctuations of my thoughts. My speech teetered on the edge of autopilot, an involuntary stream of consciousness dictated by the enthralling influence of the drug. Yet, when I summoned my inner strength, channeling the essence of my true self, I declared to my wife and mother, "Look, he's coming back!" Gratitude enveloped my being, for I discovered that I resided a mere three doors away from the sanctuary of the psych ward, a potential refuge should I remain trapped within that altered state indefinitely.
+15:30: A gradual reintegration into the realm of lucidity and reality commenced, as I found myself immersed in profound conversations with my wife and mother. Eagerly, I recounted the awe-inspiring encounter with the resplendent white light, a transcendent phenomenon that reignited the dwindling embers of my belief in a divine presence. In truth, my faith had faltered in the face of relentless violence and the weight of atrocities that plagued our world. However, the veil was lifted, and a newfound certainty enveloped my being—I knew, without a shred of doubt, that the path to basking in the iridescent glow of the white light lies in the simplicity of kindness and goodness bestowed upon one another. Yet, it must be acknowledged that my journey had also acquainted me with the vast expanse of hell, an abyss of comparable magnitude to heaven, reserved for those truly consumed by malevolence.
+16:00: The tethers of reality grew stronger as I treaded the path of sobering clarity. Though almost fully reclaimed by mundane existence, I expressed to the doctors a lingering discomfort in my chest, despite the dwindling influence of intoxication. Eager to investigate further, they conducted several tests, including a blood test that hinted at a potential clot in my chest. However, the subsequent CT scan yielded negative results, offering solace in the assurance of a healthy heart. Nevertheless, one of the doctors advised me to consider reducing my caffeine intake due to a specific heart condition that might have been triggered by the gummy. Yet, resolute in my conviction, I declined to curtail my coffee consumption, guided by my own research that affirms its cardiovascular benefits and the absence of any previous chest discomfort. At this juncture, a dose of Xanax, its potency eluding my memory, was administered, a gentle salve to assuage lingering restlessness, as my heart continued to beat with a mild elevation, hovering in the low 100s.
+18:00: Satiated by a delightful repast at Wendy's (oh, the unparalleled bliss of their chocolate milkshake, surpassing all other fast-food establishments!), and armed with the comprehensive test results, the time for departure arrived. Discharged from the hospital's embrace, my wife assumed the role of the gentle chauffeur, guiding me homeward, a sanctuary awaiting our return.
CONCLUSION As the gentle assurance of the ENT resonated within my wife's heart, the veil of intoxication gradually receded, bringing me back to the comforting embrace of reality. Approximately six hours had elapsed, most of which were spent serenely reclined upon the bed, relaying the chronicles of my journey to my beloved wife and mother, now lucid and aware. Today, an overwhelming love and gratitude for the gift of life courses through my veins. This morning, I uttered the words "I love you" to my wife with an unprecedented frequency, to which she responded joyously, exclaiming, "This is wonderful! I adore it when you express your love so abundantly!" I strive to hold onto this profound sentiment, hoping it transcends the realms of mere afterglow, enabling me to shower affection upon my wife and all sentient beings. It feels as though I have been granted a second chance, a brush with the periphery of a potential near-death experience. What was that? Was it the influence of THC, exacerbating my existing anxiety and eliciting a common reaction when individuals consume gummies within the confines of hospitals, as the staff shared? Or does it bear the characteristics of an entirely distinct encounter? It is worth mentioning that a genetic test revealed the presence of a gene associated with an augmented susceptibility to psychosis through heightened utilization of cannabis products.
Did I venture into the realm of a psychotic break, or was it solely the product of the psychedelic substance? Did the ENT refer to the Chinese balloon as a "spike/spice balloon" due to suspicions of it being laced with a synthetic substance? The debate persists, hinging on whether I traversed the domains of hallucination, a glimpse into the beyond, or a profound ego dissolution. Yet, at the core of my being, I remain steadfast in my belief that a comforting white light awaits us, a realm attainable through the embodiment of kindness and benevolence towards our fellow beings. My faith in a divine presence has been irrevocably reaffirmed.
REFLECTION MONTHS LATER For those who serendipitously stumble upon this account... An enduring afterglow manifested, suffusing my being with an overwhelming love for the world. Never before had I experienced such an intense surge of affection towards my wife, as every gaze upon her triggered an inexorable impulse to exclaim, "I LOVE YOU!" A profound sense of love emanated from the depths of my chest with each proclamation. Yet, as the days waned, the enchantment gradually faded. Curiously, I observed a peculiar reaction to encounters with malevolence, particularly in the realm of online video games. Instances of unkindness and aggression left me bewildered, incapable of comprehending the absurdity of such behavior. The very notion of harboring anger over trivial matters in a world teeming with opportunities for mirth and laughter struck me as preposterous. Indeed, I found myself convulsed with laughter, consumed by the sheer ludicrousness of anger directed towards a mere game. During this four-day afterglow, I sensed a profound connection to a genuine near-death experience, wherein the veil lifted, revealing the true nature of our earthly existence. This realm, I perceived, is meant to be a realm of joy and laughter, where anger and hostility are incongruous intrusions, blemishing our shared journey. Is there anyone else who has experienced a similar four-day afterglow subsequent to ingesting a gummy?

a rambling vent.
t-minus 20-something days until I am free from my adulterous and abusive partner of 2.5 years. I should be excited; I should feel empowered and strong. I know I am logically doing the right thing. Everyone in my social circles, to whom I’ve disclosed my situation (friends, managers, one relative so far), have all agreed — get the hell out.
In fact, some are even amazed that I stayed so long even after finding out about the dating & hookup apps, the mysterious transactions, the emails soliciting sex work from backpages… Truthfully I’ve been clawing my way to financial independence for the past year since I realized what he was doing. I figured, yes I know, but maybe he’ll change. And if not, I will just fake not knowing and take the time I need to be prepared to move out so I’m not homeless. And from there, it took a long time for me to wake up. Because it wasn’t just the cheating, it was the screaming, berating, the few times that he had shoved me or lightly slapped me on the cheek, the sexual objectification, lies to hide his drug use.
One day in the car, after he made another comment on how awful I am at driving (a skill that I had been confident in for my whole life — I grew up participating in motorsports), the words just fell out of my mouth. I said:
“I never thought of myself as anything other than capable until I met you.”
He brushed it off. In that moment, the words were more jarring to me than anything else.
I am a shell of who I was. I have no confidence; my memory is shit, I feel so dumb when I used to be very academic; I second-guess everything, I can’t even talk without worrying what someone is thinking about what I am saying; I weigh more than I ever have; I feel and look horrible. But all of these feelings are in complete contrast to what I’ve done in the past 2 years. I learned a new trade that is now supporting me with ancillary income, I switched professional career paths and increased my salary by 20%, and established 2 separate circles of friends (I haven’t made new friends since 2019).
I used to pride myself on my independence. I used to think I didn’t need anyone to survive on my own. I used to value my level of integrity and character. My childhood was absolutely destroyed by infidelity; it still haunts my mother to this day. How could I let this happen to me?
Now I just feel like… I’m the one sneaking around, making these plans to leave him? Everything is sent in stone. I won’t reverse my course. I paid my deposit, set up my accounts, paid first month’s rent. But I now I feel like the bad guy. I feel like I’m overreacting. Are people going to think, “why didn’t you confront him first?” But what’s the point in that when someone made a pattern of cheating on me since 6 months in? And to top it off, I realized a few weeks ago that he is also been meeting up with and talking to “The Ex” (the one who everyone said to not worry about; they were finally done - he found me) off and on for at least this year, and I think last year too.
I should be looking forward to my apartment and putting pride in keeping things clean, and decorating, and enjoying my own safe space. It’s an absolutely beautiful space, brand new. But I’m dreading it all. I don’t know what the next chapter is supposed to look like. I just feel like an almost-30 year old failure leaving a relationship that I thought would be “It,” that I was in denial of every glaringly crimson red flag. It’s like I can’t even trust myself to date again. And why would I want to. And am I even going to be interesting or pretty or young enough to meet someone else when I’m ready?
And then, not like it matters, but he’s just gonna go off smirking to everyone that I was The Bad Guy that just Up And Left for No Good Reason. And that I was Lazy because I would play video games after working & cooking us dinner, that I didn’t want to pay the mortgage (I paid half even when I was part-time looking for a new job, at my own financial detriment, when he makes over 80k-100k) or invest in furniture for his house, that I didn’t do XYZ in bed (even tho he only lasts 2 minutes), that I didn’t do all of the chores, that he “bought me” a car (after he forced me to sell mine; and then made it so I paid this car loan in his name so I was financially trapped.)
I hope in another universe, there’s a better version of this man and we are together living happily as equals. But that’s not this universe, and it could never be.
Factually I should be happy. I am leaving a man who was abusive, degrading, unfaithful in so many ways, and manipulative. Honestly, even ONE of those things, is more than enough reason for most people to leave. I just don’t feel that way. I’m terrified of what he’s going to think or say to me when I tell him that I have had enough of his behavior and that I’m moving out (I’m pushing this off until a few days before my move-in date so I can pack & leave ASAP.) He knows the exact thing to say to tear me down. He is going to be completely blindsided. if you got this far, thanks for reading. I am wondering if any of this is relatable to someone else out there, and if anything I have done is respectable or commendable. I feel like a coward.

One thing I've learned about ADHD is that our brains have this ability to attach to a thought and play it on repeat for days on end - especially when anxiety is high. (happens mainly with traumatic memories, hence the sometimes harder recovery from traumatic events).
Has anyone figured out how to stop these anxious thoughts from coming up and how to stop your brain from listening to them?

So I have a level 40 and 35 and it just started crashing with out of memory error last night. I cleared up space and lowered my graphics. Now it's just shutting down with no errors at all. It just closes. I've played every day since it came out. Anyone else having issues?

Has anyone ever booked a mobile nail salon for their wedding day? The idea would be to have brides, bridesmaids, etc. getting nails done on the wedding day alongside hair & makeup.
I’m unsure if this would even be a good idea to do but thought it could be a fun thing to do!

Hey everyone, trying to figure out where my power issue lies. I just RMAd my 3090 with EVGA and it seems that has not fixed the issue of my computer immediately restarting during intense graphic scenes. I've noticed it happens when a screen changes drastically and rapidly or when shaders are much more intense. Such as an explosion causing a fireball in war thunder with low graphics on, or when shaders warming in Warzone 2 or when playing a poorly optimized game like sons of the forest or Star citizen. It sounded like EVGA had this issue with the first run of 3090s which mine original was from but unsure of where the RMA replacement came from (new old stock or another RMA repair)
Not sure how this can still be the case as my PSU is a Thermaltake Toughpower GF3 1650 W. I even have 3 separate 8 pin connectors coming from the PSU to the card.
​
Motherboard: MSI MEG Z790 Godlike
CPU: Intel 13900k
Memory: G.SKILL Trident Z5 Series 64GB (2 x 32GB)
GPU: EVGA GeForce RTX 3090 FTW3 ULTRA
PSU: Thermaltake Toughpower GF3 1650W
Please let me know if anything more is needed. I am at a loss since this should be overkill in terms of power but maybe there is something I don't understand about the PSU that is needed to correct this problem.
​
Thanks in advance! Ill be at my PC watching for replies all day so hopefully we can solve this!

Hello everyone.
In past months I’ve been having A LOT of synchronicities, and they were all “good”, they were all related to a dream of mine in pursuing. But last few days I watched a movie with my friends, one of my favourites ones, and there was a character that has exactly my nickname (how my friends call me, which is not common at all, it’s even not in English, never saw ANYONE called like this) and this character basically died. What’s even more staggering is that I’ve seen this movie 4+ times during my lifetime and I had no memories of this character called like me.
That frightened me a bit, especially because of a thing even more strange happened a few minutes later. My friends where joking about what brand of car we mostly resemble (idiot games I know) and a friend of mine told me I was a Chrysler, what’s chilling about it is that a few hours before I was into Chrysler website because I needed to find out some things because of my job.
That really frightened me. A couple of days passed and I tried not to think about it, then just a few minutes ago while returning home I saw the manifest of death people (in my hometown they hang these manifest next to churches), I never look at it. But this time there was a bunch of people gathered so I tought “maybe someone I know”, I looked and there was a person dead that has exactly my surname (not a common surname at all…).
Am I just paranoid? Maybe they’re coincidences but heck… I’ve been having coincidences a lot in these past months. Can someone relate? Any advice?
May sound stupid but is the universe telling me I’m going to die soon?