Goth girl tattoo ideas

I am working on a High Noon Lux and i wanted some ideas for her! I thought on:
a. Steampunk-like scientist Lux, where she would be a "supernatural" nikolas tesla; b. a rich cute yet dangerous girl (mostly inspired by the same aesthetic as high noon leona); c. bounty hunter with the wand being gun-like.
Do yall have any other ideias too?
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Long story short…I have a lot of sexual confusion and I’m not sure how I’m ever gonna figure it out. I grew up in purity culture, but I was also touched by my dad as a baby and only had memories of it as a grown adult. I blacked out for a lot of periods of my life as a kid. Anyway, I was cheated on in every relationship I had been in. The same thing happened to my current partner. We have clicked over a lot of things. We have wanted to get married. We agree we are soulmates. We have had extreme connections in ways we have never felt before. She has gone with me through literal homelessness and stuck by my side while she had a place to go and I didn’t just cause she wanted to show me she was there. My ex cheated on me in disgusting ways cause I was broke. This woman I have now is the embodiment of love and kindness to me. That’s why I’m in so much pain. I’ll explain
I was never really sexually comfortable before her. I always felt sub par. I’ve always been extremely uncomfortable being naked around anyone, and would finish very fast the few times I did have sex, and it was embarrassing. Mind you though, I was addicted to porn and specifically always wanted to have a threesome but didn’t think I would ever get the chance because I was very sheltered and thought most people were trying to keep their bodies to themselves and would only do those things with the most amazing and attractive people. So I always held myself back. I didn’t have almost any sexual experiences and when I did they weren’t good. I didn’t do good and didn’t get any sort of compliment on it either. My current partner was the first person to instill true confidence in me sexually. (TMI coming through BUT) For example: I thought I was small. Apparently it’s too much sometimes. I thought I wasn’t good. Apparently she never came before me. I thought I was ugly. She said every girl wanted me back in school and I was so hot they were intimidated. All of this just makes me wonder why nobody ever treated me that way. I got called ugly. I was weird and socially awkward. Nobody ever called me hot but every other guy got compliments. It seems like all this should be helping right? But it’s just the backstory to the following. Here’s the thing that actually kills me:
She had a threesome with 2 of her good friends before we were together. One of them was a man who had every woman he wanted and cheated on the love of his life in high school to fuck other women because they all wanted him. She was his friend for 5 years and never had sex with him or had any romantic interest. He will also always be around and in our lives because her best friend is his sister. So he will be around us forever. They both broke up with partners one night and had a threesome with another girl. My partner doesn’t do threesomes. She is monogamous. She had told me she would never share me with anyone ever cause it would kill her. But it was okay for her to share herself with this man and another woman? All I wanted was some feeling of sexual freedom after being denied it my entire life. She got that. The dude who got everyone he ever wanted got that. But I finally find the person I’ve been waiting for in a life I’ve been suicidal most of and it turns out they gave my main sexual fantasy to a man who had already had many. And she always talks about how it was a mistake but how she doesn’t wanna feel shame. She also believes casual sex is okay as long as it’s consensual whether it was a good experience or not. The problem is, I see why it’s not okay. I see how it’s the most intensely intimate contact two humans can have. I don’t understand how a man who gives out no love and doesn’t care about her at all gets to experience something absolutely amazing with her, but BECAUSE I love her, I don’t get the same thing. It makes me so sad it hurts my chest. He connected with her the way I physically connect to her and I waited my whole life for that. And he did something with her she will never do with the man who actually loves her and with anyone else but him. And he just gets to keep that experience with the person I waited my whole life for. Every time I think about it I don’t wanna be alive anymore. The trauma with this experience stacked on top has been too much. I was bullied and had almost no friends my whole life too. I have major PTSD. I feel tired of trying. I feel useless and hopeless. It feels like the magic that used to come out in happy tears when I realized the woman from my dreams was finally here has turned into angry background screaming that never turns off and is here to stay. I’m crying just thinking about it and typing this. It feels like my chance at happiness is over. I know I may sound dramatic. I know most people don’t have this experience. But that’s why I need help. I want her so bad. She’s so good to me in every way but this just makes me so hurt. On top of that, she’s also experimenting with the idea that she may be on the asexual spectrum. I’m always the person who initiates and a lot of the time she isn’t feeling it at that moment. It makes me wonder how someone so shitty got to do something so provocative with her and another woman when with me she doesn’t even wanna have sex that much with the man she loves. How was he so much more worth it? Why would she give that experience to a man who is using her when she knows she will never give that to the man who loves her? It feels like in some odd way I was screwed over before it even started. And that sounds crazy as fuck because she didn’t do anything to me. It just doesn’t feel fair. Please help

No idea wat they called but people with chips in their neck shown in the op and the scene I saw was a paralyzed girl talking thru typing on some text to speech that passed away
Another scene that maybe a completely diff anime is a fight between wizards and humans with bunny ears or smt Idk
The first line about chips in their neck and paralyzed girl are the main unique details I rmb about the anime I saw shes a friend of the mc I think

My husband works at the same place as his cousin. His cousin is not-so-recently divorced after his own wife cheated on him (who also worked at the same place).
I guess it was months ago that his cousin, who I'll call Jay for the rest of this post, started seeing this woman from work. We'll call her Alice. So I keep hearing about how happy Jay is with this girl from my husband. I didnt realize that I knew Alice until I ran into her and saw her face, and then my husband told me that's who Jay was seeing.
So years ago, I ran into Alice at my obgyn. I was pregnant. She was there for fertility issues. This ob office is over an hour away from our hometown, but is the closest to our town. When we realized we were both from there, we started talking, and her appts always seemed to line up with mine throughout my pregnancy. I also found out she worked where my husband worked (it's a big store) and would frequently run into her there. She ended up finally getting pregnant and her and her husband were so excited!
Now years later, discovering who she was, I mentioned knowing her to my husband, who had no idea she had ever been married or had a kid. So anyway, I looked her up on Facebook (we were actually already friends I guess) and she is still posting her husband!
So my husband goes to Jay and mentions her being married. Surprise surprise, he already knows. I guess she enjoys being the other guy since it was done to him?
I mentioned wanting to tell her husband then, but my husband talked me out of it because it's none of his business and he could technically get in trouble with HR over interfering with a coworkers personal life. So I didnt.
He came home today and told me that Jay and Alice had gotten into a fight at work. Apparently Alice wants to leave her husband to be with Jay, but Jay doesn't want to be with her like that. Managers were talking about the fight. I asked if anyone had told her husband yet, and my husband said no. I really want to tell him (via facebook) but I don't want my husband to get fired over it or cause a bunch more drama at their work place. So WIBTA?

sorry about the wait ya'll, im back with more of my reviews of the to aru series, granted i suck at reviewing stories so i beg your forgiveness for my crap knowledge on all thing critic, but enough about that, its been awhile since i posted my thoughts on the light novel so i should go ahead and start again.
So im finally done reading NT7-12, but im gonna be reviewing them by 2s, im starting with every ones hate it or love it NT7
i for one can say with confidence that i dont hate it but i dont love it either, it was in between, there were some really good parts, but then again there were also some parts that were crap, all in all the story was meh

1. the start kinda felt confusing without some sort of context, it starts with touma waking up in dark space with no idea how he got there only to be greeted by every ones favorite nyah nyah sis-con sergeant, all touma gets is a vague mission about some magic organization using some sort of relic to bring harm to a certain part of academy city, long story short, touma gets hazed, shoved in a box and gets shipped out to school gardens to stop some rando magic cabal from hurting the girls there, gets caught within a girls locker room within said gardens and proceeds to jump to some scooby doo chase hijinxs, gets harassed and almost killed again by misaka, gets help(if it can even be called that)from misaki, while also being fitted with crime after crime that he would later have to clear up no thanks to stalker number 2, later finds out something that would he would have rather not have seen
2. tsuchimkados revenge felt so bland and really didnt really mattered to the overall story from the beginning, after school gardens we jump to his POV just to find him heartbroken and distraught that his sister supposed demise, now i for one would have enjoyed this part more if it was actually done right, there was no actual context for why tsuchi was doing this until after we learn that it was part of a way to stop the actual crisis of the story
3. agitated halation at least was mentioned in the last vol so i kinda understood who the main girl was, the crisis that is the agitated halation was a experiment that revolves around fremia seivelun and has the properties to affect those that consider themselves a hero of justice, thankfully IB kept touma safe and also due to the fact touma doesnt see himself as one, though im not sure why it didnt work on gunha, now this part of the story was actually pretty good ill admit, the story starts getting good after touma arrives to beat some sense in to tsuchi, learns more about the project and decides to step in to stop it and find maika(even thought touma believes its tsuchi's job not his), i especially love the fight between touma/beetle 05 vs. the cyborg girl(i forgot her name lol), seeing touma beat up the first one easily while hamazura and kuroyoru got their asses kicked three ways to sunday was peak touma, kuroyoru was best girl in this vol, fremea coming in second
4. you know as much as love kumokawa, i absolutely hated her in this vol, she and the the director she works with were the ones involved in tsuchi looking for revenge for again his sisters supposed death, i know it was staged but this point in the story really never felt right with me, i understand how devoted and loyal she is to touma but come on girl, one day you're gonna slip up and touma will find out
5. now for the the final fight and the inclusion of the lvl fives, what can i say im a TouMAN simp and a sucker for his fights with the enemies, first can we talk about the lv5s for a second, like was it necessary for all of them to make an appearance, like i feel like accelerator could have easily taken out all those fake heroes by himself and still have energy to spare, i love how whenever touma is around the big bad psycho we know them to be is no where to be seen and all we see is a big pasty white softie, now for gunha, for real why didnt agitate halation work on guts for brains, as always misamisa can not exist in one single vol without getting in each others way and picking a fight with each other while there is a literal threat right in front of them, they give me such a headache, now for the final fight, what can i say it was glorious thats it nothing more to say finito

​
now onto NT8: i would say in regards to this vol, it was pretty decent

1. pacing: the pacing not gonna lie was kinda slow and only started picking up right after touma got onto the train and the fight between him and freiya began
2. POV: now i mentioned this before on my review for the battle royale arc, if you're gonna do a constant change in POV make sure it makes sense, otherwise you'll just make the story twice as confusing, i was actually having a hard time following the story during the mid point, after that thing started to heat up

those were my two issues with NT8 everything else was superb, the story only felt great as soon as the fight with freiya began and im just gonna say that the fight got me tearing up, poor baby only learn magic to protect her mother, i hope shes born safe and is able to see touma again, kamachi please make it so
now for the characters
1: touma: need i say anything about our lord and saviour the TouMAN, touma had such good development in this chapter, now i've heard a lot of debate saying that touma will rather fight alone and would not ask for help, some others state that touma will now ask for help more frequently, now in my opinion to this is.......... yes and no, touma still prefers to fight solo and that wont change, ive notice that touma will only risk asking for help or as he states in this vol *using people* if he is not confident that he can do it alone and is to much to handle, if he is confident that he can do it alone he wont bother asking for help and will do it all alone, such is his nature, the battle with freiya is such an instant on not being able to do it alone, since after all he is fighting a baby who is using her mother as a mobile suit armor lol, so he had no other choice but to suck in his pride and have misaka handle crowd control, while index handled finding a way to return control over to the mother without risking either ones death

1. misaka: misaka was fine here, since her mother was also in danger so of course she has every right to join the fight, i would like to mention that this is the only time touma will ever ask misaka willingly for help
   
2. maria: poor girl still couldnt get over kaguns death, i love how understanding touma was with her during this vol, no unnecessary banter between them, i would say that maria does like touma but its still not fully develop like her sisters, but its something
   
3. shiina and misuzu: does the embodiment of a proper queen and busty tomboy mama not have any concept of fear
   

the ending for NT8 scared me alot not gonna lie, after othinus erased the world every thing just goes dark and we get hit with the after word so quick
those are my thoughts of NT7 and 8, both stories are decent, in regards to misamisa in both these vols, whether seperate or together both character really do make toumas life harder then it needs to be, first we have misaka chasing touma throughout school gardens, starts attacking him while asking him what he is doing there and calling hin a pervet and such, like how does she want him to explain if she keeps attacking him, like hear him out or keep attacking him, make up your damn mind you damn tsundere lol, she also proceeds to almost kill him via dropping him, misaki wasnt any better, sure she was helping him to an extent, but i dont think racking up accusations for the poor bastard is considered helping, it would be just another problem he will have to clear up less he gets tagged as aogami 2.0, in the next luckily misamisa was just seen at the beginning after that its just misaka, again is there whole shtick just making trouble for touma, in my opinion those two are better off not even socializing or remotely becoming a team with how often the fight among each other. sadly there will be more annoying misamisa moments right after Nt13 yippee
well anyway thats all for my review on NT7 and NT8 i will post my thoughts on the god tier vols that are NT9 and NT10 later on in the day so look forward to it, so for now i will give my fingers a rest and i will see you guys later

TW: abuse.
My ex was the most emotionally abusive and narcissistic person I’ve ever met. He left me with lasting PTSD. He never physically hurt me, but he lied, he cheated, he played countless mind games, he was essentially a fraud. Very charming, extremely confident, but slightly “off”.
He normalised all of this behaviour, and I think I just want other people to find it as worrying and disturbing as I do, or to give insight into whether I’m just misreading it all. He made me feel like he was always right.
He was approaching forty and I was in my twenties, but I looked like a teenager. I was an inexperienced virgin who was very vulnerable and alone, in the first stages of recovering from a severe mental health issue, with no friends.
He was an alcoholic, and he had children. And this is the area where things felt particularly weird for me, and it sticks in my mind and disturbs me now. It’s the things he would say and do, all of which he normalised. He would shower with his six year old daughter, and planned to keep doing it. He said when her older cousins came around and had to have a bath, he noticed they started to feel uncomfortable about him seeing them naked “at around age eight or nine” and that’s when he would maybe have to stop supervising.
He was the type of person to publicly say and do gross or upsetting things for shock value. He liked to annoy people. Sometimes I thought maybe he was just trying to gauge my reaction. But mostly it felt like he wanted to normalise everything he did.
One day he told me that his six year old daughter had asked to touch him down there and he had told her no, but thank you for asking, because you always have to ask. I didn’t even know how to respond, I was so uncomfortable. Do I really believe a little girl would ask that? No. And if she did, why would she even have such an idea in her head? And if she didn’t, why would he say it to me?
He would also frequently and repeatedly outline potential scenarios where his daughter might hear us being intimate. I have no idea why, as she was never home, but he used to say things in a joking voice like “if my daughter was here and could hear us and came in, I’d have to just put her in the cupboard until we finished, she would be horrified, I’d tell her we were just playing a game called punching growly bear in the face, and she’d say she wants to play it too, and I’d say oh no you don’t!”
I think it’s all deeply disturbing and a sign that his predatory and abusive nature extends to every area. I’m not saying he abused his children because I don’t know, but I truly feel his comments to them and about them weren’t normal at all, no matter what he tried to make me think.
I’ll also add that he’s the only person I’ve ever been with in my life and we were involved for years and I was very trauma bonded and damaged by him, so my mind is still trying to heal.

(I wanna start off with saying that I am using a fake account so no one can figure out who I am).
I (20m) am studying journalism and have many different classes with many different people. I have this class once a week with this one girl that I have really started to like. We kinda live in the same area so when that class is over we usually ride the buss home together. Background about me I am a very shy and awkward guy who have had some failed relationships in the past. But with this girl I feel confident and started to open up more as a person as the term went by. We bonded over some shared interests and I really think she is the one and that she maybe really likes me too. So around the end of the term I decided to ask her out (hang out) to see a movie or something like that. She responded relatively quickly and said she said “maybe” because she was very busy. At first I thought “okay she doesn’t like me”, but the day after when we rode the buss home together she acted normally and we talked like we usually do though I was a bit more awkward. That made me realize that she maybe she was honest and was genuinely busy, side note, she has harder classes than me and tend to have many exams. So the week after I tried again and texted her if she wanted to hang out, however this time she didn’t respond for almost a day. I couldn’t sleep that night because I was overthinking whether I have read her signals wrong. I ended up so embarrassed that I deleted my message at 3 am, and replaced it with: “Nvm 😃”. For a week I looked at the message which she didn’t respond to either or even opened. I got so embarrassed that I skipped our last lesson together. Two weeks after I deleted my message I kept thinking about her and knew that I had to do something. More background story, this girl is best friends with a girl I have some history with in High-school, let’s call her Vivian. Vivian and I went on a couple dates and wrote to each other for a time. However, we didn’t work out and discontinued our “relationship”. Since they are good friends, I thought maybe it’s a good idea to write to Vivian to ask about her friend, whether she likes me or not and why she is not responding to my message. Vivian also took a couple of days to respond and then said her friend was not interested in me. I feel so stupid right now, I should’ve known from the first message that she wasn’t interested, this girl is very kind and probably didn’t wanna hurt my feeling by being vague because she is not that kinda girl that wants to hurt people. Did I take it too far by asking her friend (my ex). AITAH?

Ok to get the basics over with: my engagement is really short. There's been a lot of drama but I'm officially having a large wedding on October 1st this year.
Picked out my dress this week so now I'm working on getting bridesmaid dresses done in case they need alterations. My fiance is adamant about Tiffany Blue being one of our colors. I got him to agree to it being an accent and so now I'm working on finding a color that will work with that. He said he wants it to be the color of his bow tie too. I asked if he wants it to be the groomsmen tie color and that's still up in the air.
The part that is giving me MASSIVE anxiety is he says he wants the color of his suit to be a surprise. I don't know if he's looking at something traditional like gray/black or something lighter like tan. I don't know if the groomsmen will wear the same color. I don't know if that color will work with Tiffany Blue let alone the color I pick for the bridesmaid dresses.
I have no idea how to even begin building a color palette with this information. I don't want to take his fun away but I have dresses, flowers, decorations, and (lets be honest) probably groomsmen ties to figure out. I don't even know if this is something people can give advice on. It's become a huge point of stress for me as I try to help my girls narrow down dress parameters.

I’ve been looking a lot into Demiromantic and now I’m very much questioning it. So I’m lesbian and asexual, and every girl I ever had a ‘crush’ on only about a month after meeting, I feel like I was forcing that crush because I was pressured. But that’s different for my current girlfriend. I met my current girlfriend back in 6th grade (I was 11 in 6th grade, now I’m 14) and about after a year of knowing her, I figured out I had a crush on her. The same thing went with one of my exs. My ex told me I should be with her friend because she was cute. Appearance didn’t matter to me and I never believed in love at first sight myself. I knew I didn’t have feelings for her friend but after almost 2 years of knowing my ex, I got To know who she was and her personality and we were amazing friends, then I developed a crush. Now, I thought all of this was just normal human ways until I found the label Demiromantic. I honestly have no idea if any way I’m feeling leads up to Demiromantic, anyone able to help? Personality and a good friendship with someone is extremely important to me when it comes to having a crush, I also never got lots of crushes, I had 2 real crushes in my life time, my ex and my current girlfriend.

I have known God since creation. I was a little child and I knew God inside and outside me. I was not raised in religion or taught what to believe. It was just always in me. I doubted who or what exactly it was, but I never doubted God's existence. Until I was 23 and in RCIA. When I started to define God as Catholic it gave me doubts. Which I have overcome, minus times of despair.
I really wish I could reject God and celebrate the world. Live as if this is the only life I've had. But I know God. He's always been there. But it's hard to explain. In my early 20s, before embracing Christ, I had a lot of new age and eastern ideas. I lived differently. I liked it and people liked it. By accepting Christ I had to accept the cross. Which...ugh.
My relationship just ended with an atheist girl. Who was trying to embrace my religion, but she was raised in a communist country. She has no real concept of God. Concepts of God, ways of living, went beyond her. I feel like I wasn't the best example. I didn't convey the faith like I was supposed to. In the beginning I told her, I didn't care if she followed my faith. I wanted her to be her. I knew who she was and wanted her to have her own mind. But she wanted to understand my faith and I tried to show her.
The loss makes me want to reject God for the world. But...he's always been here. I just really hope there's a heaven. I used to think if I live my life for God, it doesn't matter. God is it's own reward. But to reject the world and not fight like hell to change it for hopes that God is in control and not us... I really hope there's something there. Cause I can't go back. I can't change what's always been. In the end I always choose God. We didn't officially break up til 3-4 days ago. But in reality, she left me at Easter. What kind of devilry is that. The salvation and new life of Christ, and the death of your relationship and love.

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Hey folks. So, my 11 year old had 2, possibly 3, seizures when she was 2. She was home, napping and her Dad went to get her for dinner and caught her just in time. She then had at least 1 more on the way to the hospital and possibly another at the hospital. (I was driving home from work when it happened, no idea until I got home and the neighbors told me about 911). Something happened, most likely some meds they gave her too much of, she was paralyzed on her left side for more than 48 hours. Then we left the sh!tty hospital and she was taken to a children's hospital. Did allllll the tests, kept her for about a week, everything was fine. It ended up that she had a febrile seizure, her body temp got hella high and that induced it. The other 2, not so sure about. (This was in FL, we live in MT now with waaaaaay better docs and facilities). Anywho, put her on Keppra for 1.5 years. Nothing ever happened, neuro said all is well, take her off. Perfectly fine, no issues, no sickness, nothing. That was 2013. Now, here we are(were)in 2022, she has a cold. No fever at all. So, we're literally driving to the Dr, she falls asleep. No biggie, happens right? Well she was startled awake I guess and immediately had a seizure. 911 comes and it takes soooooooo long to get it to stop and safely move her. Less than 24 hours later, like it never happened. New Drs, New meds, same tests, still not a clue wtf is happening. That was Feb. In May 2022, went on field trip at school, totally fine. On the way back, falls asleep and again, wakes up in a seizure. School calls 911, she's like an hour away from me, so I head that way. By the time I get there, like it never happened again. She also occasionally has these weird "absence seizures", that will freak you OUT.
Anywho, the car riding thing. If she's too long in a car, she may or may not throw up in the car, but when she gets home, she's exhausted and nauseous for a few hours. I am absolutely TERRIFIED of just taking her grocery shopping!!!
Are there any ways I could help with that? I mean, she HAS to be able to travel and leave the house, right? Maybe some Dramamine for car sickness? After 2015, she would get car sick really easily, but 2017, just stopped. She's 11 and has no other issues, barely even has a cold. I just wanna be able to help my baby girl bcuz I know this is so hard for her. Any tips or suggestions (other than talk to the Dr bcuz DUH, but he's in another city so not easy to do) on car sickness would be fantastic! We always keep puke bags and water for her, just in case.

I've been dm'ing for a little bit now and my current campaign is close to wrapping up, so I naturally my head has started spinning with ideas for the next one I'm gonna run. One idea that's been stuck in my head is running a game where all the current characters have a signature magic item that grows in power with them. Something unique; powerful but limited. Think Bleach Zanpakuto or the signature gear of literally any magical girl.
Now I've been working on making it an actual subsystem for the game for a little while. Sorting different benefits into tiers, what the growth rate of the items are, do they grow with level up or more story based, and exactly how powerful can the "core ability" of an item be.
The question to you all then is, am I trying to homebrew something that already exists in another system? Does anyone know a system that either does already or is close enough I could just reflavour?
P.S If any of you are able and willing to cast "Remove Curse: Voluntary DM" it would be appreciated. I can't escape.

I am an 18 year old female, Next year I plan to apply to one of the most top law universities in Japan...tbh pursuing law in Japan has been my dream and I am really really passionate about this university, however recently a lot of people have been asking me to reconsider my options as they think it might not be the best idea....For one, I'm brown, that creates ethnicity issues as well as job problems, I'm not sure if the people would be open to bring their cases to someone who doesn't belong from their country, Secondly, I'm a Muslim hijabi (I cover my head) which means I am most likely going to stand out from the average crowd, and finally, I'm a girl, which creates safety issues, I'll likely live there alone and most people have expressed to me that me living alone might not be safe for me....i know that no place is perfect but I don't want to waste my money on a university and still not be able to settle down, however, this is my dream and giving up on it is not easy for me.....Does anyone have any idea how Japan is like? Whether it is safe for me to stay there? or is it even worth it for me to practice law over there?

My extended family isn’t the best. In all honesty I don’t really care about having a relationship with any of them. I recently went through a traumatic incident that my two cousins caused and I’m still trying to emotionally and mentally recover from. My mom is so keen on the idea of having an amazing relationship with her family. That’s fine and I understand why she wants to but I feel like sometimes it’s at my expense.
My second cousin invited me and my family to his sons first birthday. I’m very excited to see his baby and everyone but I know my other second cousin will be there and I’m dreading it.
Basically she whines, she’s always bitchy, nasty, she makes me very uncomfortable and anxious. Ever since I was a child I felt nervous to be around her. I also felt less than her because she had the bigger personality, she was always outgoing, I always thought she was prettier than me, and everyone she encountered seem to take a liking towards her. I’m very quiet, reserved, anxious, so being around her just always brought me sadness.
My mom always told me that I should at least try my best around her and be loving, kind, all of that because “she’s family”. I always told her it’s hard because she ignores me and makes me feel horrible.
My mom excitedly told me that she’s going to the birthday party with her boyfriend. Recently, my boyfriend had to leave the country due to visa reasons and he’ll be back in August. So, I have been very depressed and lonely without him. Being around my second cousin and her boyfriend I know won’t be the best thing. I tried to tell my mom that. My mom blew up on me and told me that I have always been jealous of her, basically told me I’m the problem not her, and I need to talk about my therapist about my problem towards her. I mean I haven’t seen this girl in a year so I don’t know why I have to tell my therapist about this if I rarely see her??
I feel so sad that my mom likes her so much. She is neglecting my own feelings all because she’s trying to hold onto extended family. My mom even told me that my second cousin is trying to get our family together and she’s even planning to book a family vacation for all of us to go on. I really really really don’t want to go. My mom even asked me “what’s going to happen when your father and I are gone and you have no family?”. Honestly, I’m alright without extended family. My boyfriend and I are planning to get married and start our lives together. So if anything I’ll have his family too (that’s only if his family likes me lol). Basically I don’t know why my mom likes her so much and that she treats her like she’s gods gift to the world. Now I’m left thinking maybe I’m the problem in all of this.

ok. always scary to bring this up, but this is reddit, whatever.
due to some repeated trauma in my formative years (2-5), my consciousness didn’t form the usual way. i grew up with a fragmented memory, and overall my life experience has been way too fucking complicated because of it.
the gist of it is i share my body with the other consciousnesses that grew up with me. we’ve only recently been truly understanding each other and our shared existence, and a certain revelation has made me really nervous.
one of my closest… headmates? …is a girl. before we started transitioning, she was really open to the idea. she had never experienced dysphoria before. now that we’re ~8 months on T, she’s been having bad dysphoria spells. it might be worse than what i’ve experienced, but my memory is shit. all we know is it’s bad, and very uncomfortable.
i think she would gain a lot from having a discussion here, so i’m going to get her out.
i know this kind of stuff is the butt of a lot of bullying, but all we can say in our defence is it’s hard for us to believe we exist too. (also, we should all try and trust each other more.)
alright, hello, insert brief introduction. i’m the girl. i’m not really sure what to say. right now, the worst dysphoria comes from our voice. it’s getting much deeper. i daydream about what college will be like once we start to pass, and the only way i can think of being happy is wearing a mask and going mute.
i talked to an older (also trans) system about this once, and they said something that i don’t think i’m ever going to forget.
something like “looks like you’ll be experiencing both the transmasc and transfem experience.”
i’m a girl. we were born a girl, and then the most prominent of us realised he was a boy. but… my body is going to become… masculine. “masculine”. whatever. i don’t know how i’ll feel in the future.
the one joy i hold onto is remembering i’m not going to be the only girl like this. sure, i won’t have the same genitalia as most of those who hurt like me, but i’ll still hurt with them. i’lll still have joy like them. i’m not alone.
please ask any questions you have, please talk to us about this, we need it.
i copy and pasted this from my post in the ftm subreddit