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2023.06.06 15:02 nathanielleee Locked out of account
I've used kucoin for over 3 years and all of a sudden it asked for 2FA that I never set up and locked me out of my account. It asks for my ID and other personal information and just gives me the load screen for 15 min when i try to prove my identity. So far ive been locked out almsot 2 months!! Anyone have help with this ?. .
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2023.06.06 15:02 IaProc [First of Our Kind] - Chapter 31 - Part III
When Quin awoke the next morning to his alarm, he felt drained. He hated the mornings when he slept soundly through the night only to awaken feeling like he needed to go back to bed. Judging from Mae’s puffy eyes and the downcast look on her face, she felt the same way. They woke up the same way they had gone to sleep, Mae’s head resting on Quin’s chest. He surmised that this was a heavy night’s rest, no tossing and turning. Mae gave him a quick squeeze of a hug, and then swung herself upright, sitting on the edge of the bed. She then got up and trotted over to the sink, splashing water on her face and massaging her eyes. Her short hair and habit of wearing it wildly meant that her bed head gave her a natural mohawk, fitting for her style. Wiping her face down, she returned to the bed and sat down next to Quin, who had begun to make his effort to get up. They sat side by side silently, relishing the quiet offered by Quin’s chamber.
“C’mon, breakfast,” Mae said, pushing herself up off the bed using Quin’s shoulder. “Maybe we can beat the crowd?”
Quin sluggishly stood up and strode toward the door behind Mae, unsure how and if he wanted to greet the day. As they exited the room, several officers from different sections eyed them suspiciously with sly grins. Mae seemingly ignored everyone, though Quin couldn’t help noticing some passers-by with a nervous glance. They strode through the corridors, heading toward the cafeteria. As they were entering, Quin stole a glance around and immediately saw Pepper, surrounded by a few of her Military crew as well as Liza. He felt a tug on his sleeve and saw Mae’s head inclined in the opposite direction. He followed her away from that group and sat down with her at a bench on the perimeter of the room. He must have looked glum as he sat down, because Mae leaned over the table to whisper to him.
“Hey, don’t worry, I’m positive the rumors will die down soon,” she said reassuringly.
“It’s not just that,” he said as he tapped the tablet at the end of his table and a tray of food shot out across the table to land in front of him. “Pepper didn’t seem to be interested in talking to me.”
“Oh,” Mae said stiffly. “What did she do?”
“Well, nothing really, I don’t think she even saw me come in,” Quin admitted. “But I haven’t spoken to her since we got back, not even with a message. And I’m sure that the rumors aren’t helping.”
“Yeah, plus you came in with me,” Mae sighed.
“Well, uh, what do you mean?” Quin asked.
“Liza and me breaking up is going to do you no favors with Pepper, Quin,” Mae said, rolling her eyes.
Quin sighed and glanced over at Pepper’s table. Her head was down, exchanging with Liza and the rest of the people gathered in the group. She wasn’t even stealing a look over at Mae, let alone Quin. He grew a little more worried. He tried a few bites of his food but found that amount was about all that he could stomach. Mae was similarly not eating much. He pushed his tray away and leaned back, head tilted fully backward, staring at the ceiling. After sighing deeply, he swung out of the bench and stood up.
“Well, there’s no delaying it. I should get to the lab. You’ll be okay?” he said, looking at Mae. She gave him a weak smile and a wave.
“Meet me here for dinner?” she asked.
“Definitely, seven o’clock,” he nodded and turned, making toward the double doors. He purposefully avoided looking anywhere around the cafeteria, though he did feel eyes following him as he made his exit. I’d give anything to have an invisibility cloak,
he thought. Just as he got to the door, the moment of relief at his fingertips as they whisked open, he heard a shout from behind him over the din.
“Quin! Hey QUIN!” came a higher voice. He looked around over his shoulder and saw Pepper coming straight at him at a brisk pace. She slid to a stop in front of him. “Hey, can we talk?” Her head was inclined toward the open doors, indicating that she meant privately.
He acquiesced and followed her as she walked out through the doors. They kept walking down the corridor, silent, not looking at each other but both seeming to be searching for a moment when a third party wouldn’t be around to interrupt them. Finally, after a few minutes of aimless walking, Pepper turned toward him and asked, “Where are you headed?”
“Um, research section, I’ve got lab the first shift,” he said, thumb over his shoulder pointing down one pathway.
“Oh okay, I’m this way,” she said pointing in a different direction.
“Okay,” he said, falling silent. He didn’t know what Pepper was going to say, and was hesitant to start lest he assume she was mad, or upset, or confused, and he would in turn put his foot in his mouth. You’ve got to say something though,
he thought, the silence has been too long.
“So, um, I, uh,” she said suddenly. “I heard about what happened with Nova.” Her eyes were boring into his, the deep brown color making him feel like he was filled with ice. Her tone, however, seemed to show more warmth than he was expecting.
“Yeah, um—" he said, nervously clutching the back of his right arm with his left hand. “Yeah, I imagine that’s gotten around already, the way this ship is.”
“I can’t imagine how stressful that must be. Was Fuentes pissed?” she asked. Again, her eyes said coldness but her tone was almost gentle.
“Like you wouldn’t believe. Nova’s on full lock down. I’m surprised I’m not as well, though there aren’t a lot of places around the ship I’d like to go right now. I think everyone is mad at me. Not just Fuentes. Save for maybe Mae.”
“Yeah…” Pepper said, stopping short of continuing. There was another steady pause between them as they both looked around anywhere but at each other.
“Shame about what happened between her and Liza, right?” Quin offered nervously, hoping that they could just break the tension and put it to rest.
“Yeah, they’re being stupid,” Pepper nodded.
“Well, I don’t know about stupid,” Quin said without thinking.
“What do you mean?” Pepper challenged sharply.
Quin gulped and continued tenuously, “Well, I mean, uh…well, Liza fooled around with someone else, right? They broke up ‘cuz Liza betrayed her.”
“Mae’s not a total saint, Quin, despite what you may think. I know you are friends, but Liza said Mae was overbearing sometimes.” Whatever warmth that was in Pepper’s voice evaporated. Her voice matched the coldness of her eyes. To add to the effect, she crossed her arms, an act that somehow made her seem much taller. Quin shrunk away a little bit.
“That doesn’t justify cheating on someone. If that’s how Liza felt, she should have said something,” Quin shot back, though he found his voice was much less sure of itself than his words were.
“You have no idea what you are talking about. You haven’t been around for any of their dinners. You’re always in that lab, or wandering around clueless, with that distant look in your eyes. If you tuned in from time to time, you would know that theirs wasn’t a healthy relationship.”
“I’m not that distant, and I know only what Mae told me. So yeah, I’ve got her side on this, but she’s my friend,” he said, his tone growing more and more sharp.
“So that’s it, you’re just gonna take her side on this, regardless of what I say,” Pepper shot back.
“Well, you haven’t been too fair either, given what each of them has done,” Quin said, his hands now on his hips.
“I said they were both being stupid. BOTH,” she retorted. “And so are you.”
“That’s great,” Quin said acerbically, though his voice was breaking and he felt his eyes watering a bit. What the hell is wrong with me,
he thought as he reached up to wipe his eye. “You can fit in fine with everyone else. That’s great for you. Tell me how I’m being stupid.”
Pepper let his hurt go unnoticed, as she pounced, “You’re being stupid because not everything is about you, Quin. You don’t always have to be the victim, and you don’t have to cry about every injustice in the world.”
“And you don’t have to kneejerk your way into being so mean anytime someone challenges you on something,” Quin sniped back. Bostwick was right that the stress was starting to pile up so high that it was becoming unbearable. Quin couldn’t believe that he was lashing out for no apparent reason, other than that yet another person was mad at him. But she’s not another person,
Quin thought. This time, it’s Pepper.
The look on Pepper’s face told him that she had had enough of their conversation. “You can be Mae’s friend without thinking her shit smells like roses. There’s a difference between friendship and blind loyalty. Stand for something.” She turned to walk away.
“At least I have someone worth being blindly loyal to,” Quin half-shouted after her, though he felt like his reasoning was getting away from him. Here he was, at war with his own emotions for what felt like the dozenth time in the past twenty-four hours.
“OH, GROW A SPINE AND DEFLATE YOUR HEAD!” she ended the argument by shouting over her shoulder.
He spun on his heels and stormed off to the research section, arriving while there were still only a few people scattered around the lab. By the time he had reached the bay doors, his temper had given way to the dejected feeling driving him through the day. No one greeted him as he trudged over to his workstation, though he noticed at least one of the techs stealing a glance at him. Pulling up his workscreen, he logged into his email. At the top of his docket, he found a blinking email from Captain Fuentes marked urgent. Opening it, he found a reiteration of the rules she had laid down verbally in the Logistics bay. He could hear the measured anger in her voice as he read the email in his head.
He sighed heavily as he began the day’s work, clearing through all the ship’s systems and making sure that no other damage was done during Nova’s occupation. A few times throughout the day, he thought of pulling up a dialogue box and trying to speak to her, to reach out to Nova and try to get through. But he found that he was unable to think of any good words to start, and his head was already full and fuzzy with the voices of Fuentes and Pepper shouting, Mae’s deep sadness, and Bostwick trying to gently reassure him.
Quin skipped lunch, though he couldn’t tell if the nauseous feeling in his stomach was from hunger or from a repulsion at the thought of food. Throughout the day, techs and officers came and went in the lab, though Quin kept his head down and his eyes fixed on lines of code, acting as if anything he was reading was being processed by his brain. He found that most systems were in working order, though he decided to do a double-check on the Logistics bay. In the files, he found a folder created by Nova with several different video clips, some of which she showed while they were trying to negotiate with her. He scrolled through them and flicked one open. Then another. He couldn’t tell if he was mad at her for what she did, or himself for being the inadvertent cause, or her again for not simply thinking it through.
When Quin finally pulled up from his workstation, the room seemed a bit dim. Though they were in full flight and had no external point of reference, Quin felt it was late. A glance at his workstation clock confirmed it was just about dinner time. He transferred a certain amount of work to his tablet so that he could return to work after dinner in the privacy of his own room. Nova didn’t appear all day, though he couldn’t blame her, given how he was feeling. He stood, turning around toward the doors and saw no one in the lab. What he really wanted was to have another conversation with Tess, but all he could do was write her a message that would eventually be transferred once the relay was up. It would pale in comparison to the face to face time he had back on Rhea. Then again, he found himself promising to write the message once he got back to his chamber. He trudged out of the bay in the same manner that he entered, at once nervous about encountering other people, dejected at the thought of the many people who held him with the ignoble title of “Creator of Nova,” and frustrated that he had handled the conversation with Pepper so poorly. I wish I was famous for creating something that wound back time,
he thought, because I would certainly use it right now to redo the last forty-eight hours.
That would make his life a lot simpler. There’s a sci-fi movie for you,
he remarked to no one, though he shook his head, disagreeing with the other voice. Nah, time travel flicks always end up with the writer’s head up his own ass.
He glumly strode through the corridors, not meeting the gaze of anyone passing by, half-tempted to return to his chamber and skip dinner. No, you agreed to meet Mae for dinner and you can’t back out of that. A promise is a promise.
Dinner passed relatively painlessly. Mae had found the same seats at the edge of the crowd, so they had relative privacy. She had also taken the liberty of punching up his dinner in the tablet, and he found that she had apparently been observing him. Though the Standard Issue meals were all uniform and technically synthetic foods, the designers thankfully allowed enough variation to pick the flavor of what they would be eating. Quin always preferred the Latin American meals for the spicy and savory flavors over the richness of Eastern European or the saltiness of Southeast Asian, especially when he would have to force himself to eat. He realized he had barely taken in anything all day and his body was screaming at him. He began to scarf some food while Mae gazed absently at his tray. The conversation had quickly devolved just before. “I saw you leave with Pepper,” Mae had asked. “Yeah, it was…a complete disaster,” Quin said. “Don’t tell me you guys broke up too,” Mae said, shocked. “We would have had to have been ‘together’ to break up, but yeah, I would say she isn’t happy with me,” Quin said, his face in his hands. He quickly recounted their conversation to Mae. As he gave her the line by line, a smirk showed through the tired and saddened expression that Mae had seemingly worn all day. “What?” Quin asked, taken aback. “Well, Quin, you are remarkably sweet, but I have to agree with Pepper, as much as I wouldn’t like to,” Mae said. “You were pretty stupid.” “What do you mean? Not you too…” he said, completely astounded. “I mean, you can’t tell someone you like that you trust someone else more than them,” Mae said, shaking her head and smiling. “So, I’m just supposed to throw you under the bus, in order to make Pepper happy and avoid an argument?” Quin scoffed at the thought. “Well you could have approached it with more tact,” Mae said. She dropped her voice a little to mimic how she thought Quin sounded and continued, “’Of course Mae was a bit stupid, Pepper, you are right. But maybe she was feeling hurt and look I’m all sensitive and in touch with people. Now could you please devour my face, blah blah blah,’—whatever you two say to each other when making out would follow.” Quin scoffed again, angry at the thought of Mae suggesting that he would betray her like that. He didn’t appreciate that Mae was getting a kick out of the struggle he was having. Apparently, she caught on, so she stopped laughing and reached across the table to take his hand. “Oh, stop pouting Quin,” she said. “Look, I am really happy at what you said to her. Really, I am. That was very noble of you. But you could have been a little more graceful in walking the line. I wouldn’t have been too put out if I had learned that you said something to her in order to keep your relationship going. But as it is, I don’t see that there has been too much damage that can’t be undone.” “Really?” Quin asked, a little sign of hope giving him something to seize on for the day. “Sure, I mean, give it time, and yeah she’s pissed, but in a few weeks, you can apologize and she’ll think about dating that inflated head of yours again.” She chuckled again and gave his hand a squeeze, then returned to her own tray. They remained silent for the rest of the meal.
When Quin got back to his room, he stood just inside the door after it whisked shut. One nice part of space travel and the design of the ship meant that, once enclosed, most rooms on board were sound-proof. That meant that Quin had total silence, a fact that he relished as he stood with his eyes closed, basking in the nothingness that surrounded him. He trudged over to his bed and jumped down onto it, landing with a thud. He snatched his tablet and pulled up one of the tasks remaining on his docket, though he only managed to get about halfway through it before his eyes glazed over and he found himself looking at the same line three times.
He was staring at the blinking cursor before he found himself wandering into the system log and typing out a message to Nova, which included items like “should talk” and “please respond.” Seeing no immediate response pop up, he opened the ESS messaging application and wrote out a long account of what had happened over the past few days since Tess and he had talked. He remained scant on the details about him and Pepper but went in depth about the situation with Nova. Satisfied with his long-winded story, he hit the send button, logging the message into the ship’s outgoing queue the next time they fired up the light-speed transmission. He sat back and curiously hopped back over to the syslog. Therein, he found a terse response from Nova.
syslogUser:QuintonHammond[GuestUser] 20:48 Listening.
Quin started typing furiously before realizing this would be much easier face to face. Despite the orders of Fuentes, he launched Nova’s display applications.
“I know you are there, Nova,” Quin said. “This would be a lot better for both of us if we talked about this face to face.”
The was a brief pause before a voice came from the tablet. “I am not so sure about that, Quinton. It seems I am a much better communicator via the system log. At least, it is on that platform that I am able to express myself fully without feeling the burden of the conversation’s subtle points of nonverbal communication. In other words, I believe you listen to me better when you are unable to see me.”
“Please Nova,” Quin begged, looking at nothing in particular.
Another pause, and then Nova’s fully-fledged form materialized onto Quin’s desk chair. She was seated inert, her hands resting on her thighs, feet flatly planted onto the ground. Quin sat down on the edge of his bed to meet her eyes.
“Thank you, Nova,” Quin said, smiling wearily.
“Your message indicated that the need to speak to me was urgent,” Nova said, unacknowledging of his greeting.
“Well, yeah, I wanted to see how you are after what happened,” Quin said.
“I am, of course, in perfect working condition. Based on my systems analysis, no permanent damage has been done to the Nemo or to any of its inhabitants. I am complying fully with the restrictions of Captain Fuentes, though I must admit that I am currently in breach of this protocol, and I would kindly ask that we keep this brief.”
“Well, okay, that’s…okay, that’s fine,” Quin said, struggling. He was trying to form what he wanted to say, though he couldn’t quite get it right in his head. For lack of a clear train, he decided to plunge in, despite himself.
“Nova, what were you thinking?” Quin asked, with a pained sigh behind it.
“I was under the impression that my acting parameters included the need to defend this mission against any and all who would jeopardize it,” Nova said flatly.
“But you attacked someone. You attacked a crew member—“ Quin remarked, but Nova cut it.
“Who was in the process of absconding with a variety of assets vital to the completion of the mission,” Nova finished the sentence for him.
“But you can’t act on your own like that, Nova,” Quin said.
“I believe that I AM able to ‘act on my own like that.’ He made his choices, and I reacted accordingly, wherein he was given his just punishment. Though I do understand how you and the rest of the crew appear to be uneasy with my reaction; this is, how you say, getting his just dessert.”
“But you can’t kill someone just because they stole,” Quin replied. “We don’t have capital punishment anymore.”
“His life is rendered no longer useful if he is putting at risk the survival of many others,” Nova replied, again rather flatly. Her face seemed devoid of any expression that would indicate she was seeing Quin’s point.
“That’s too strict of an interpretation of utilitarianism and is kind of against the humanitarian principle of this mission,” Quin retorted. “You can’t look at people in the way of a math equation. That type of calculation is…” Quin stopped before finishing, knowing where that sentence would end.
“Inhuman,” Nova finished for him. “Tell me, Quinton, do you think that I am human, or a computer?”
“Why would you ask me that, Nova?” Quin replied tiredly. “You know that my response would have to be somewhere between them. Surely you’ve thought about that.”
“But when you are talking to me in the way that you are, are you lecturing me as your newly-brought-to-life crewmate, or as your learning operating system?” Her tone was as bitter as she probably could make it sound.
Quin didn’t know how to proceed with her. He honestly had not thought this far into the argument, and frankly, had not even previewed that Nova could be found in this sort of situation. Timidly, he tried a new tack.
“If I’m lecturing you, Nova, it’s because of the choice you made,” Quin said.
“If I am your computer, then my choice is moot, because I only arrived at an end that you programmed me to achieve. If I am a life produced by you, then you are only by orders of separation responsible for what occurred. That would be a product of my choice, thus my responsibility. Again, I ask you Quin, am I your computer or am I someone?”
“Well, fine, let’s assume that you are a person, because that is the route that leads you to assume some sort of responsibility for the consequences of your actions,” Quin said snidely.
“Then, am I not free to make my own choices, including to act in a time of crisis to defend what I perceive is the greater good?” Nova replied, her tone unchanging. “That would be the assumption of my supposed humanity, right?”
“Yeah, but, Nova, if you are human, then you must see that human life is a paradox,” Quin said.
“Please explain,” Nova said, purposefully knitting her brow.
“I mean, sure humans have free will, but we are governed by a set of rules all the time. We have laws, we have social norms, all of these things confine us to a certain set of choices that humans over time have established to promote what is acceptable behavior. You know this. We are free, but we are not completely free. There are always consequences. Like if I go kill someone, I won’t just get away with it. We all have choices to make about whether we live within that set of rules, and we all have consequences to those actions.”
“And I was acting within the set of rules that I had at the time, including Captain Fuentes’s directives, the standard operating protocol of NEMO, the—“ Nova began listing, but Quin interrupted her.
“Yeah, well, now you and I both have the new restrictions from Captain Fuentes, and they are a result of what you did.”
“What we did,” Nova said, correcting him
“What do you mean?” Quin asked, confused.
“You said before that your response to whether I am a computer or a human would be in between. Therefore, you are partially responsible. And not just in a programming sense, Quinton. You systematically ignored me over the past weeks in such a way that I was unable to have your guidance on how to act. Therefore, you set a program in place and then ignored it until it reached its inevitable outcome. If I am culpable, so are you.”
“I uh,” Quin stammered. “I admit that I was a bit distant, Nova. I’m sorry. I had a lot on my mind, and I was trying to figure it out.”
“You were trying to get in the good graces of Commander Bostwick, and you were dealing with the psychological impact of being responsible for the technology side of our medical mission, and you are infatuated with Ensign Penelope Jefferson, and—“
“Woah, woah,” Quin said, waving his arms.
“AND you continue to interrupt me, well before I am finished speaking, Quinton,” Nova said. The fact that she raised the volume on the speakers to cut him off had the intended effect of putting a sharp emphasis on her tone. She was angry, and Quin got it. “You have quite the unfortunate habit of interrupting me before I am able to properly conclude my part of the conversation. For someone who is ill-equipped at times to participate fully in the nuances of communication, it would seem to be appropriate that you would afford me some leeway in making sure that I am able to say what I mean.”
“I’m sorry, Nova,” Quin admitted. “I know that’s my fault. You just have a blank expression a lot of the times, and I forget that you are not human.”
Nova’s mouth opened, then closed again. Quin had learned to read that this meant that she was either processing something or upset. He ventured it was the latter.
“Quinton, that was insensitive. Have you not read any of my syslogs? Just because I do not articulate everything or wear my emotions like a human being, does not mean I do not have thoughts or ways of processing what is around me.”
“Again, Nova, I’m sorry. I forget sometimes. I guess that means my response to your earlier question is that I lean more toward the idea that you are human, even if I forget it occasionally.”
“That is a very weak apology, Quinton, and pales in comparison to the amount of inattention to which I have been subjected over these past weeks. Maybe in order to solicit the appropriate apology, you must be subjected to the same amount of inattention, in order to provoke an appropriately emotional response.” With that, her image evaporated and the tablet went dark.
Quin was left seated, facing an empty chair, his hands in midair as he was about to respond. He dropped his hands onto his thighs, though his mouth remained opened as he stammered, struggling to articulate in his mind what his retort would be. Perfect,
he thought, just perfect. The perfect way to end an otherwise monumental day in the life of Quin Hammond.
He kicked his shoes off and threw himself down onto his pillow, throwing the blanket over his shoulders as he scoffed into his pillow.
“Perfect,” he said aloud, before punching the tablet and cutting off the lights.
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2023.06.06 15:01 murraycares I'm quitting weed forever and if you've been struggling to moderate your usage, you probably should too.
Hey everyone, I'm a long-time sporadic reddit user but will likely be on here a bit more often now as I think being apart of a like-minded community and updating with my progress will be good for me, and hopefully for others too.
I first smoked weed when I was 14 years old, then started using more heavily from 16 onwards. I'm almost 26 now, and for the most part, weed has been a big part of my life from early adolescence til now. Although most of my friends smoke to varying degrees, it's been apparent for a long time that out of all the people closest to me, my use of the drug has been the most problematic.
Long story short, I've been trying to moderate my usage of cannabis since I've been 16 and for a long time, thought it was doable. For years, I never thought I'd come to the point where I have to give it up forever. During 2021/2022 I took a 1 year break from cannabis (a huge deal for me at the time and still kind of is now). I reintroduced the drug into my life with the resolve that I would quit for good if I was unable to regulate my consumption.
Since then I've had a damn good crack at moderating. I've had so many different 'moderating' rules that have worked to varying degrees over the years. Unfortunately, attempting to moderate my consumption has proved to be difficult, tiresome and ultimately unsuccessful. I'm defeated, and am done wasting any more of my life trying to play the game of moderation.
Until a few days ago I have not been ready to give it up forever. When I would think about 'forever', I would think things like "oh, so when you're 70 and retired and there's a doobie being passed around you're going to commit to not having a toke in 45 years?". It seemed unrealistic. It is now very clear, beyond reasonable doubt that making the 'forever' call is the best one. Here's why:
When I'm 60 or 70 I still want to be making the most of my life and don't want anything impeding that (the same reason I want to quit now). As much as I didn't want to admit it for a quite a while, I'm addicted to weed. Once those pathways are made in your brain, they are usually there forever. I have no good reason to believe that I wont have the same problems with cannabis in the future that I've had now. If weed consumption was a problem when I was 16, and is still a problem 10 years later, it had become quite clear that age isn't going to fix anything.
It's a huge call quitting forever, and although I'm excited to remove the 1 thing that has held me back the most, it's also scary. I know that one compromising situation and 1 toke can unravel everything, whether thats 1, 5, 10, or 30 years down the line. I do take solace knowing that In the past I promised myself 1 year and stuck to it. I also take solace in knowing that having it out of my life for an extended amount of time was a lot easier than "just smoking on weekends" or "just with friends". You know the 'seed' that gets planted in your mind to smoke weed, which can be shut down at first, but has a way of growing until you've decided your gonna get high? Well, its a lot harder for that seed to sprout in the first place if you have whole-heartedly made a non-negotiable decision to never smoke.
In the last year I've made a lot of progress in my life and can see doors starting to open up for me (I've always been very ambitious and a big dreamer, however let down by poorly managed ADD and cannabis use) and want to take complete control over my life and realise my full potential. Weed isn't the fun, harmless novelty drug it once was. The net-bad far outweighs the net-good and I'm sick of trying to bargain with my addicted mind. To moderate is to tolerate and I am no longer going to tolerate something which grips me and holds me back in life.
I have given myself 2 weeks to mentally prepare and come to terms with my future without weed. Although it has never been apart of my identity in a '420 blaze it/rep it' kind of way, it has been a huge part of my life and I'm still almost in disbelief in making such a huge decision. The 17th of June, 2023 will be the last day I ever use cannabis (well, specifically THC in any amount that is perceivable). I look forward to posting in weeks, months and years to come to share my progress and hopefully inspire others to give up something which doesn't serve them. Peace and love to you all.
submitted by murraycares
to QuittingWeed [link] [comments]
2023.06.06 15:00 TheGodlessPotato I'm unable to interact with people, including on this subreddit, without it leading to a meltdown.
I am an undiagnosed 42-year-old woman (assessment scheduled for October) that burned out five years ago. I could no longer work and gradually faded away from society to live as a recluse. Two years ago, I stopped using social media and ghosted everyone I knew including members of my own family. Some of them may not even know that I'm still alive. They used to send messages asking if I was ok, and I never responded.
But it wasn't because I didn't care; it was because I no longer felt capable of interacting with people at all in any capacity whatsoever. I don't even leave the house because friendly neighbors always want to chat when they see me. I get everything delivered, including groceries, and wait until they have driven away before opening the door to collect them. And I only do that when my husband isn't around to do it for me.
When I first joined this group about a month ago, I thought I had found a sanctuary. A place I could come to where, for the first time, I was surrounded by people I understood and who understood me. The "honeymoon" lasted about two weeks, until the issues I was having with social interactions in real life began affecting me here as well. I am just too emotionally damaged to handle even the slightest of misunderstandings or disagreements.
Maybe it's PTSD from a lifetime of not being heard, accepted, or understood. I don't know. My mind and intellectual capacity is still intact, but the rest of me feels like I'm reduced to a primitive, childhood state. I can barely take care of myself. Having to make basic decisions like what to have for dinner is stressful and challenging. I often wish I had parents to take care of me. My house is a mess because I feel incapable of cleaning the way I used to, but I need a clean environment to improve my state of well-being. I feel like I'm in prison serving out a life sentence.
I enjoy writing. It helps me process my emotions in a way I'm unable to verbally. I've been considering writing a book about what it was like for me to go through life undiagnosed, but I question why anyone would care. I am no one. I am not interesting. Sometimes when I write posts in this sub, it gets downvoted or very little response. My "intellectual" side says "So what? It doesn't mean anything", but my "primitive" side says "No one relates to you", or "You don't belong here", or "Your writing isn't very good. People find it uninteresting, unhelpful, and boring. Writing a book would be a waste of time".
But some of my posts get a lot of responses. And I get overwhelmed by the attention. If I get more than 20 comments, I stop reading them and never return to my post again. It doesn't upset me, but it does make me feel uncomfortable and under pressure to respond so "ghosting" (for lack of a better term) is my default response and I don't feel in control of it. It doesn't feel like a choice, even though it must be.
In under a month, I have had a few meltdowns just from interacting with people on reddit. Sometimes in this subreddit, and sometimes from others. It is the subreddits that I feel most connected to that affect me the most. Here, it's personal. Other subreddits are mostly centered on my personal interests. Either way, they are places I feel "safe" among like minded individuals. So when there's misunderstanding or disagreement, I take it 100x harder than anywhere else.
I wish I wasn't like this. It's embarrassing. Logically, I know I'm being completely irrational and hypersensitive for no reason. But logic cannot save me from the primitive emotions that take control of my brain. My capacity for logic and reason feels like it is dying, and I am just a shell of the person I once was. It seems that all people, even the good ones, even those who understand and love me, are toxic to my psychological well-being. Because when I cease interactions altogether, my mood VASTLY improves. I feel "normal" again. I don't feel depressed or anxious.
I wish I wasn't this way. I wish a lot of things. I wish I had known about autism sooner. I wish I had known about burnout and had seen the red flags. I wish I was productive. I wish I didn't hate myself so much. I wish I could be more concise and not ramble so much. I wish I didn't feel like a burden on my husband. I wish I wasn't so hypersensitive. And I wish I could interact in this sub and help others. But I just don't feel good enough, or strong enough, to be around other people.
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2023.06.06 15:00 AutoModerator Questions & Answers - Weekly Megathread! Please use this post to ask any Pokemon GO question you'd like!
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2023.06.06 15:00 AutoModerator Off-Topic Tuesday - [06/06/23]
Welcome to our weekly general discussion thread!
Feel free to chat with your fellow forensically-minded redditors about anything! Introduce yourself, show us pictures of your cat, complain about your kids, lament about exams/work, tell us what you're eating today... whatever you want! Here are a few resources that might answer your questions:
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2023.06.06 14:59 Recent-Development10 [A Terran Space Story: Lieutenant Saga] - Chapter 119
Only ten chapters to go. If their intel is correct a trap is going to be laid. But is it accurate? Does it work? I hope you enjoy!
The next chapter will be out on Saturday. Terran Space Story: The Lieutenant Saga Academy Days First Previous
Chapter 119: Contact with the Enemy 3 Days later. March 18th, 2267. 02:44 Slip Space – CNS Waukesha Executive Conference Room
John walked into the conference room with a minute to spare. He looked rushed and harried to his senior staff and those that could view him through the video link. That wasn’t entirely untrue, he had just received a wealth of information in a debrief from the command team of this operation.
“Apologies for running it entirely too close. I just got off a call with Admiral Gallo of Second Fleet,” John said as he took his seat, “Our attack on the Paximus system drove the pirates into a frenzy. Mission accomplished at that end. Thirty-six attacks have occurred through our own and Mercantilist space. Overtures to the Alliance have not yielded much in the way of intelligence yet but our diplomats are still trying.”
Vanessa Davis, the captain of the CNS Pasto, jumped in as John took a drink, “Can you summarize the results of those attacks?”
“The pirates targeted lightly guarded facilities. In our space. We lost two stations on the frontier. Each pirate fleet lost between ten and forty percent of its attack fleet. We gave far better than we took,” John paused and looked at the room, “The pirates are badly bloodied. They are regrouping for a new push. It seems their divide-and-conquer plan won’t work for much longer. Especially now that our forces have dug into position more.”
“What’s the loss of life so far?” Oscar asked from on screen, “About four hundred Naval personnel and roughly four times that for civilian losses in our territories. Losses in Alliance and Mercantilist territories are rumored to be much higher.”
“Caught with their pants down?” Tessa said sarcastically.
“And flat-footed. Again, that is if our intelligence is accurate. Even Naval Intelligence isn’t confident of the reports that are coming out of Alliance territory. The disruptions in the channels used to funnel information to us are being felt now as many of those channels seem like they’ve been shut down violently,” John said.
“What’s the good news? You seem almost giddy,” Brady Cohen, the captain of the CNS Lagos asked.
“The Icarus was part of an attack that was repulsed in the Luyten system. Their attack only resulted in the loss of four smaller pirate vessels,” John paused for dramatic effect, “That fleet is heading here to the Tau Ceti system to get some revenge.”
Walter grinned, “Funny how that is our destination. What of additional reinforcements from the Navy?”
John grinned, “Weird, right? Twenty to thirty hours behind us. This means we are going to have to play a delaying fight to make time for those reinforcements. Also, the Tau Ceti’s solar militia will be temporarily conscripted by the Navy. They will be following my orders, not their planetary governor’s.”
“What’s the target there?” Vanessa asked.
“The shipyards in orbit around Tau Ceti Prime’s moon,” John said.
“How do you see things playing out?” Brady asked.
“Their fleet is made up of the Icarus and about twenty other ‘capital’ ships. I use the term loosely since their capital ships are old-ass cruisers. They have a single carrier in play too. The vast majority of their ships are corvettes and shuttles.”
John pressed a few buttons on the screen which displayed the contents of both the presumed pirate fleet along with the system’s militia. A moment later the militia’s ships were reorganized. Each was headed by one of the frigate captains in the task force.
“I’m creating four squadrons of ships as you can see here. Commanded by each of our four-frigate captains,” John paused, “Oscar, I haven’t ignored you but your role in this is to observe, utilize electronic warfare, and provide target priority for us.”
“Understood,” Oscar said as he nodded his head.
“Our cruisers are going to push into their capital ships at point-blank range and eliminate them,” John said, “The smaller ships will eliminate their chaff and provide an additional layer of missile defenses for the cruisers.”
“Woah, that’s a ballsy strategy. That gets us dangerously close to their guns,” Tessa said.
“It is, but if those larger ships are destroyed or put out of commission that will crush their morale,” John said as he leaned back in his chair, “If their morale is crushed then this alliance of theirs won’t last long. And the Icarus isn’t likely to be shooting at you if you’re dogfighting with their cruisers.”
“What happens if they have reinforcements that we aren’t aware of?” Brady asked, “Or if they have a reserve fleet that’s been unidentified or kept hidden?”
“Fighting retreat to the asteroid belt,” John said, “Then we commence gorilla-like warfare to delay the pirates and keep them focused on us in the system.”
The senior leaders of all ships spent the next hour and a half discussing the battle plan. The major addition was the fleshing out of any fighting retreat. John was guilty of a great many things, but losing battles wasn’t something he spent a ton of time thinking about. Cheating his way into winning a battle, on the other hand, was something he spent a lot of time thinking about.
The updated plan came together quite nicely. The small fleet would arrive in the Tau Ceti system within the next day and a half. About twelve hours ahead of the pirate fleet. If things went to plan then John felt comfortable, if not entirely confident, about decimating the fleet.
The question of them ultimately was could they kill the Icarus? That was unknown as of yet. He feared he still didn’t have enough firepower to put that ship down. But he was confident that he had enraged that crew once more.
2 Days later. March 20th, 2267. 04:12 Tau Ceti Prime – L2 Lagrange Point
Four squadrons of ships, each with a Confederate Frigate leading the charge, were converging on the shipyards above the moon. The Tau Ceti militia was very well equipped, all things considered. Multiple frigates were included in their fleets that were one or two generations old. Modern corvettes were a staple ship found in the fleets.
John and the other cruisers, including five from the militia fleet, had just fired their engines. Like the frigate squadrons, they were burning toward the shipyards. Their prey just arrived in the system.
“They have more ships than expected,” Willy said.
“Order all ships to launch drones. Hold about ten percent back for added point defenses,” John said, “Walter, your recommendation?”
“I’d recommend all ships launch two to three waves of homing-multi-missiles. Get them on their back foot using up their defensive weapons,” Walter said.
“Barbara, all ahead flank. Tessa, contact the fleet. Each ship is to fire three waves of two multi-missiles. Coordinate targets within each squadron. Big ships are to open fire with long-range weapons the moment they have range. The focus is on the Icarus’ escort ships.”
“Letting them know, sir,” Tessa said from the communications terminal.
“Got any ideas on how to get rid of that carrier?” Ingrid asked, “That’s the ship that’s got me worried.”
“Tessa, contact the Basilone, I want them to focus all their electronic attacks on the Icarus. With any luck, we’re going to stunt her ability to participate in the initial part of the battle.”
“The fleet has responded in the affirmative. They stand ready for your order to fire,” Tessa said.
“Fire the first wave. Forty-five-second delay for the second and third waves,” John said, “Barbara, adjust course to two-two-five, down ten degrees.”
“Ahh, that ol’ nugget,” Walter said from the rear of the bridge, “Training the forward railguns on the carrier.”
“Fire at will my man,” John said calmly, “If you have a firing solution for the Icarus with the other guns fire them at her. But make sure you have two torpedoes loaded for that fat sonofabitch.”
The first wave of missiles screamed through the void at the pirates. The third wave was fired roughly at the time the first wave reached the appropriate distance from the pirate ships to launch their payloads. Three hundred smaller missiles were fired out in all directions from each missile.
The mother missile had programmed targets into each one. It, like its offspring, continued to scream through the void at its targets. A hellacious, and impressive, amount of anti-missile fire was given off by the pirate fleet. Their defensive weapon systems eliminated an impressive number of missiles.
But they didn’t eliminate all of them, even with the Icarus’ upgrades dozens of missiles impacted against the kinetic shielding. The smaller ships held their own, but those diminutive missiles were successful in impacting numerous pirate ships. Thankfully, from the pirate’s perspective, those small missiles could only kill smaller ships if a fair amount of luck were involved with where it struck its target. It was a rare occurrence for only one of these missiles to not only strike their target but kill it.
Five pirate vessels succumbed to the first wave of missiles, with each requiring multiple impacts to end them. None were larger than a shuttle that suffered battle-ending damage. That changed after the second wave of missiles found their targets. Nothing larger than a corvette was destroyed, but more and more ships had given up their ghost. The third wave ripped through the fleet, virtually every ship was now bearing recent scars. Two dozen more ships died in the cold expanse of space.
Railgun rounds and lance fire were now being unleashed upon the pirates. Their fleet had been slapped and was being pushed back. That it was happening as quickly as it did surprise John. Something didn’t feel right.
“Taking evasive actions,” Barbara said, “That is a hell of a lot of return fire.”
“Thirty-two enemy ships are now dead,” Willy said, “That first wave of rail fire was punishing. But they outnumber us four-to-one still.”
John pressed a button on his seat’s armrest, “Commander Buckley, launch the first wave of fighter bombers. Have them burn to the station for rearmament.”
The speakers then turned on briefly, “Launcher first wave, we’ll have the second wave queue up for you.”
“Targeting the Icarus so soon?” Ingrid asked.
“Distance to that carrier?” John asked.
“Twenty-five thousand kilometers and closing fast,” Willy said.
“Railgun fire is wearing down their forward defenses,” Walter said, “Suggest we have load four multi-missiles with scatter rockets.”
John instantly knew what Walter wanted to do and nodded, “Do it.”
“Dare I ask what they are going to do?” Ingrid asked quietly.
“With any luck, they will confuse the carrier’s anti-missile systems, or make them preoccupied and they ignore the pair of torpedoes we are going to deliver to them at danger close range.”
“Ahh, yes, that would make great tactical sense,” Ingrid said.
“Ugley reports a glancing blow from the Icarus’s main guns,” Tessa said, “They can still fight though.”
John nodded. He couldn’t know for sure how many friendly ships were going to be lost. The Icarus was no slouch of an opponent. They were going to lose friends that day. But who would it be?
The Waukesha continued to close the distance to the enemy carrier. As Walter said, the forward defensive systems were failing due to the withering amount of railgun fire. Their rounds were already impacting their armor plates. Though none had been compromised yet since the kinetic shields were still holding on enough to arrest the momentum from incoming rounds.
The next volley changed all of that. Dozens of kinetic and electromagnetic shielding arrays blew out at the same time. The four forward rail turrets continued to volley fire and punish the enemy carrier. Armor plates were being brutalized across the front face of the enemy ship. Some rail rounds found their way into the hangar that partially faced them.
“Frigate squadrons are annihilating the enemy,” Willy said, “Forty percent of their support ships are out of commission.”
“Have we suffered any losses?” John inquired.
“The militia has, but none of the…”
The Waukesha was then rocked by a pair of heavy and loud impacts. Time stood still for the briefest of moments. John stared intently at the screen ahead of them. Their primary drive cone was struck, which was very worrying. The other round was a cruise missile that detonated right at the corner of the starboard hangar.
“Everything’s a-ok captain,” Marty said from engineering, “Just some scoring. The drive cone damage is going to affect our maneuverability a bit. If we take any more damage to it then I’m jettisoning it though.”
John’s brow raised as questioned his engineer, “Not to be that guy chief, but…”
“Secondary drive cones become our main output. It’s the six smaller cones around the big one. They aren’t as good, but as long as you don’t bleed off too much momentum, we should be good.”
“Easier said than done,” Barbara said as she looked back and John.
“Enhance our evasive maneuvers,” John said to his chief helmsmen, “I’d prefer to avoid being killed today. ETA to fun time on the carrier?”
The Waukesha continued to scream toward her target. Railguns continued to volley fire. More and more armor plates across the bow of the old, yet very large, carrier were compromised. Dozens of volleys were also fired at the Icarus. Walter, and his targeting VI, had done an excellent job of multitasking.
While no overt damage had been dealt to the Icarus. Her kinetic shields were already degraded. Pot shots were being taken at her from every angle by dozens of Confederate ships. Her shields held, but they weren’t infallible. Those shields would yield some time, though it was a fair question to ask when precisely that would happen. None knew.
Moments before the Waukesha reached point-blank torpedo range, two cruisers that flanked the Icarus exploded suddenly. Ironically, the two ships were named Hammer and Anvil. They had been close allies to the Icarus and flew with the large pirate battleship on numerous sorties over the years. Both were atomized in bright blue balls of plasma.
“In range now,” Willy said from the rear of the bridge.
“Fire, Barbara, pull up as hard as you can. All weapons on the Icarus, blast her ass with everything we’ve got!” John shouted excitedly.
Two torpedoes were launched from their forward launchers. A dozen cruise missiles and multi-missiles were also fired from her other launchers. The ship’s maneuvering thrusters were fired and pushed well beyond their safety limits. This radical course adjustment was thought to be necessary if the torpedoes caused a fusion explosion in their target.
Unfortunately, the radical evasive maneuver was unneeded. Both torpedoes struck and penetrated deep within the mammoth ship. But neither struck the core or set off a lucky, or crazy, secondary explosion that led to a massive fusion reaction. Instead, the power simply shut off after two large explosions were registered internally to the carrier.
Two giant bulges in the exterior armor plates could be seen. Ironic in a way that this old ship resisted such a large internal explosion. Unfortunately, for such rare craftsmanship, the blast had to go somewhere, and as the hull plating prevented the explosion from radiating out into the void, the explosion tore through the interior of the ship.
What safety measures that were engaged, such as closing bulkheads, were insufficient for the magnitude of the blast? The hull survived, as a matter of speaking, but nothing internally did. Everything inside the ship was pulverized and beaten to a pulp. The emergency shutdown procedures successfully shut off the core before bad things could happen to it. If the raging fires didn’t consume the crew or the blast’s shockwaves didn’t get the crew, the complete destruction of all breathable atmospheres would end what remained of the crew.
“SHIP KILL!” Walter shouted.
“Focus on our target,” John shouted over his excited weapons officer, “All guns on their turrets, we need to take that ring out!”
One more pirate cruiser took a brutal rail round that sheared off every armor plate on her port side. She was leaking atmosphere and it looked like her spine had been bent towards the port side. While the round fired from the Ugley would get credit for the kill, the pirate's attempt at firing their railgun ultimately caused a cascade of explosions that ended its life.
“Tessa, contact all of the cruisers, we need a full salvo of micro missiles at the Icarus,” John said.
Just then the Waukesha once again shuddered mightily. Thanks to a combination of angle and speed her kinetic shields were able to deflect the rail round fired by the Icarus. Their port side’s shielding arrays were noticeably weaker. The next shot would likely penetrate them.”
“Barb, we need…”
“I see it and already adjusted our course. Giving her our starboard side once I roll over.”
The Waukesha deftly rolled over gently in space and adjusted course to circle its current most hated enemy. Laser batteries, lances, and railguns all fired at the Icarus. Some rounds were impacted on its heavy armor, doing nothing but superficial damage at this point.
But given enough time, the papercuts they were giving their large adversary would add up. While not as impressive as a knockout punch, bleeding to death an opponent also resulted in a win. Though that would come at a cost as the fight would last considerably longer.
Barbara adjusted course once again causing the Waukesha to fly farther away from the Icarus. The timing was impeccable. Just as the Waukesha began to grow distance between the two ships the missiles came in. Thousands of rockets and guided mini munitions slammed across the starboard side. Electromagnet and Kinetic shields flared out of life. It would be hours before they could be restored to full use.
“Walter, all rails on that ring.”
The old veteran of the weapons console was a step ahead of John. As Barbara rolled the Waukesha back into position to close the gap, Walter was able to get six turrets firing. All lances were firing at the enemy turrets.
One was slowly rotating to point at the Waukesha. One lance shot scored a hole-in-one of sorts and impacted several meters above the breach. In doing so it mangled the magnetic coils in the large barrel. A moment later the Icarus fired. Thanks to their shot being guided by the hand of God the round struck the obstruction and caused an enormous explosion within the barrel.
The whole turret sheared off from its mount. A small amount of atmosphere leaked before being sealed off. The Waukesha was the first to draw blood. But that wasn’t all.
Multiple cruise missiles were fired by not only the Waukesha but the other cruisers too. One massive explosion after another ripped across the Icarus’ hull. Deep crater marks could be seen in a dozen armor plates. Her armor was compromised. The fleet had turned the impossible into a possibility.
Better yet, the Waukesha’s lightning focus on her enemy’s turret ring worked. They had shattered it in three locations. The enemy’s primary guns powered down. The biggest threat from the big ship was no more. But that didn’t stop John and his allies from targeting the turrets and destroying each and every last one.
The battle had turned to favor the Confederates. But it was not over, not yet. The Icarus still drew breath. So long as she did, she was a threat. It was a threat that they were desperate to end, once and for all.
“Open a line to all ships,” John said, “Press the attack, all ships fire their heaviest ordinance at the Icarus!”
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2023.06.06 14:48 webdev20 How to Bulk Edit Featured Images in WordPress
Images are an integral part of any engaging web content, and the WordPress platform understands this very well. Within this versatile platform, 'featured images' play a starring role by adding visual appeal to your posts and pages, giving your readers a sneak peek into the content that awaits them.
However, updating these featured images individually can be a daunting task, especially when you're dealing with a large volume of posts or pages. Thankfully, WordPress offers the functionality to bulk edit these featured images, saving you valuable time and effort. But how exactly does one go about this process? Buckle up, because we're about to explore just that.
Step 1: Understand the Importance of Featured Images
Before diving into the process of bulk editing featured images, let's grasp why they are essential. Featured images, often known as post thumbnails, serve as the representative image for your posts, pages, or custom post types. They are typically displayed on your website's blog archives, related posts, and popular posts, creating an instant visual connection for your readers.
This aesthetic appeal is not their only advantage, though. Featured images can also improve your website's SEO. By using relevant, high-quality images, you can improve user engagement and reduce your bounce rate.
Step 2: Ready Your Images
A crucial step in the process of bulk editing featured images is preparing the images themselves. Quality matters. Using high-resolution, captivating images that align with your content can significantly enhance the visual appeal of your posts.
To prepare your images, make sure they are optimized for the web. This involves reducing their file size without compromising quality to ensure fast loading times. Tools like Adobe Photoshop or online services such as TinyPNG
can help you achieve this.
Step 3: Navigating to the WordPress Dashboard
The journey of bulk editing your featured images begins at the WordPress Dashboard. Here, you can access all your website's posts and pages. To navigate to this panel, log in to your WordPress account and click on 'Dashboard' in the left-hand column. Once you're in the dashboard, click on 'Posts' or 'Pages', depending on what you wish to edit.
Step 4: Selecting Posts for Bulk Editing
Once you've navigated to your list of posts or pages, it's time to select the ones for which you want to update the featured images. WordPress offers an intuitive interface to do this. Simply check the box beside each post or page you want to modify.
Step 5: Initiate Bulk Edit Mode
With your posts or pages selected, you can now enter the 'Bulk Edit' mode. This is done by choosing 'Edit' from the 'Bulk Actions' dropdown menu located above your list of posts or pages. After selecting 'Edit', click the 'Apply' button next to it.
Step 6: Editing Featured Images in Bulk
Unfortunately, the default WordPress 'Bulk Edit' mode does not offer the option to change featured images. Here's where plugins come into play. Plugins like 'Quick Featured Images' or 'Dynamic Featured Image' extend WordPress's functionality, allowing you to edit featured images in bulk.
Once you've installed and activated your chosen plugin, you can follow the plugin-specific instructions to update your featured images.
Step 7: Review and Update
After successfully updating your featured images, it's essential to review the changes. This process involves visually scanning the posts or pages you've updated and checking that the new images reflect accurately.
Bulk editing featured images can dramatically streamline your WordPress management process. While it may seem complex at first glance, breaking it down into these steps can simplify the process. With this newfound knowledge, you're well-equipped to enhance the visual appeal and SEO of your posts or pages effectively and efficiently.
Related Articles -
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2023.06.06 14:48 WhidperOlk [Progress Post]F/34/5'6": An overview of 11 months of weightlifting 4-6days a week
I've been posting on the dedicated threads recently, about my recent sense of achievement on my results, and I thought that I could create a bigger post with an overview of my progress so far. Brace yourselves, it's probably going to be a long post. Sorry in advance. The beginnings:
I actually started weightlifting at the beginning of 2018. I was fresh out of my PhD, where I had gained 10kgs thanks to a burnout and anti-depressant medication. This was followed by a bad breakup where I lost those 10kgs in one month as I just could not eat. I went from 55kgs to 65kgs at my heaviest, back to 55 kgs. While in the end, I was happy to be back at what I considered my regular weight, I was very much skinny fat: https://i.imgur.com/5dJPvCt.jpg
In April 2018, I enrolled in the gym next to my new job. Started with a short program for my back paired with a few cardio classes, then transitionned to weightlifting, following PHUL(power, hypertrophy, upper lower, 4 days a week). At the time, I had gone back to 58kgs after a month with my parents and wanted to go back to 55kgs, so I was cutting and eating 1600 cal a day.
I was kind of consistent, until mid 2019. Went back to 56kg at my lowest and looked like that: https://imgur.com/N2eKGPn https://imgur.com/UoJi2aD https://imgur.com/Qtjfih5
Then, I suffered an overuse injury in my hip, and everything went to hell. Combined with Covid, moving to a different country, doing online classes and project to try to shift carreers, I neglected a bit the gym.
2022-2023: 11 months of treating the gym like a job
In July 2022, coming back from our holidays, I decided I wanted to focus again on weight lifting after weighing myself at 63 kgs, which was really close to my all time heaviest. At started back on a cut, aiming for 1500 cal a day and at least 100g proteins (but really aiming for 120g), going to the gym 4 days a week with my trusted PHUL, without being able to squats because of my old hip injury which never really healed and liked to flare up for no reason.
I tried to be cautious, but still injured my shoulders along the way, so I had periods where I focused more on legs, and others where I focused more on upper body, depending on which part of my body needed extra nursing. From july 2022 to end of september 2022, I went back to 58 kgs. At some point in the middle, I started to add stationary bike everyday and it really helped me shed the weigh faster.
In October, we moved to a different town. For one month, the kitchen was split in two apartments, so we ate out a lot of the time and I stopped tracking calories, still going to the gy, thinking that it would be a good opportunity to lean bulk.
It wasn't a lean bulk. It wasn't dramatic, but between this and the end of the year, I ended up taking a month out of the gym in December and went back to 61.5 kgs at the beginning of January 2023. I decided that to ease back into my routine, I would start by going back to the gym and count my calories, without restricting. Trying to go for 2 months of maintenance, before going for 3 months of cut for summer.
I was kind of disapointed at first as after 2 months of what should have been a recomp, I didn't really looked different, but I kept on going. Mid January, I invested in a fitbit watch, and it really helped me be more active in general by encouraging me to walk my 10 steps a day, logging my water and food consumption and be more mindful of my sleep hygiene.
I effectively maintained at 61.5kg in January and February, eating at 2100 cal a day. In March, I cut to 1500 cal a day, started doing 45 minutes of stationary bike after each gym session and the weight just dropped like a stone. I was thinking that it was a bit too quick, so Iauthorized myself to eat a bit more, upping at 1700 to 1800 most of the days for the 2 next months, and ended my cut a few days ago at 58 kgs:
Here is a summary of my appearance throughout the 11 months: https://i.imgur.com/2k7E3QS.jpg
I now have: What I did:
I took a bit of time to find my preferred program and frequency for the gym, but ultimately, I settled down on a Pull/Push/Legs split, going to the gym 6 days a week. This one specifically
Now, I usually spend 30 minutes warming up and doing mobility exercises to minimize the risks of injuries, then for the first big lift of the day, I would make a pyramide to work up to ny working weight to the day and warm up the joints for the specific moves. Except for a few occasions where the ego lift got the better of me, it's worked pretty well to help me lift injury free since I started doing that. However, I end up spending at least 2 hours just for the lifting session, which is followed then by my 45min to 1h15min (depending on the series I watch during my bike session) of cardio. Definitely too much time and I need to find a way to cut a bit of time. Now that I am not cutting anymore, I am cutting the cardio: not everyday, and not for as long.
My lifts have progressed, even thought I was cutting and I am now at:
- Benchpress: 42.5 kgs for 5*5 reps
- OVH press: 27.5 kgs for 5*5 reps
- Deadlifts: 75 kgs for 5*5 reps
- Squats: 40 kgs for 5*5 reps
- Pull ups: can rep 4 strict pull ups
My squats are very weak compared to my other lifts, but because of old injuries from 2018, I had been unable to squat pain free for years, even with just my body weight, so I am actually very happy with this number. Now that I am eating more, I hope it will go up and catch up with the others.
Nothing really impressive, but I am quite proud and stronger than I've ever been.
What I learned/Impact:
Tracking my weights, calories and heart rate in addition to my menstural cycle haa been eye opening to me on the impact my cycle has on me.
For example: Weight loss and period Resting heart rate and period
When I started doing cardio, my resting heart rate dropped dramatically. However, when it started rising again, I was worried and thought that I was overtraining or something. Turns out, not only do I have water retention around my ovulation and periods, my resting heart rate is also very much cycling and is at its lowest at the end of my period and at its highest a few days before them. And I don;t even know why I was surprised. A week before my period, I am always plagued by fatigue and spend just so much time in bed! Turns out it's not just in my head, or me being lazy. I actually have physical symptoms that explains it.
I have also learned to work around my injuries to keep training, while leaving my problematic joints/muscles resting, which helped me be more consistent and i think it really helped with the results I can see now. I have lost of little painful things that are slowly starting to disappear:
- the sole of my left foot was really painful and prevented me to run for the longest of time: now that I do calf raises without using my hands to stabilize my self, my left ankle that I had strained a few years ago is getting stronger and this pain has disappear.
- my hyperlaxed wrists are finally strong enough for me to do push ups where i was previously able to hurt myself carying the laundry or brushing my hair.
- as mentionned. earlier, I can finally squat pain free after years of instant pain each time I would attempt a body weight squat.
- I used to have worrying chest pain where I would be unable to take deep breaths without pain, which looked to me like I had a pinched nerve in my shoulder that would run through my whole chest (medical exams didn't show anything): now that my chest and back have more muscles, i haven't feel this in months).
And finally, of course: My confidence is through the roof. I'm very happy with the way I llok right now and very happy with the sun allowing me to finally only wear minishorts and crop tops XD.
It's been a week since the end of the cut. I'm aiming to eat 2000 to 2100 calories a day, still going to the gym 6 days a week for 1h30/2h00 and scaling back on the stationary bike to only 35 minutes maybe everyother day. My weight is already up to 59kgs, but I'm guessing it's just the water retention of eating more carbs and more in general. If I maintain at 59kg for the next months, it will be good enough for me. At the end of summer, I'll try to bulk again until march of next year for a new cut and I hope bigger muscles for next summer :).
I hope this was interesting for you. If you have questions, dont hesitate. And again, sorry for the length of the post!
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2023.06.06 14:48 RenkiDFFOO [C2A] Dimensions' End Mission Dungeon
My apologies, I forgot that the mission dungeon started with DET 15. This will be the spreadsheet for all of the Dimensions' End Mission Dungeons.
Clear Video Spreadsheet: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1E6OFYn20Xo-3QbMi_rvJ3uKr9hC5WvPcAUj_SBh01RA/edit?usp=sharing
Xcaliblur reddit post: (to be added)
d3stroth preview guide: (GL Exclusive)
d3stroth reddit post: (to be added)
JP Strategy thread: (GL Exclusive)
If you do not mind copying and using the format below to keep things easier for those seeking help that would be great.
Character 1 (Call) Character 2 (Call) Character 3 (Call) Friend Summon
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2023.06.06 14:47 newsu1 Seize Love, Embrace Life - Newsu 👌
Life is a fleeting journey, a precious gift that should be cherished and embraced to the fullest. In the grand scheme of things, our time on this Earth is but a blink of an eye. It is within this realization that we come to understand that life is indeed too short to not let someone you're crazy about, want to deeply lust over, or you intensely desire, know how you feel.
Love, lust, desire—these emotions are powerful, all-consuming forces that can turn our world upside down. They have the ability to make our hearts race, our palms sweaty, and our minds wander into realms of endless possibilities. When we find ourselves captivated by someone, unable to get them out of our thoughts, it is a sign that we have stumbled upon something special.
But all too often, we hesitate. We let fear, doubt, and uncertainty cloud our judgment and prevent us from taking that leap of faith. We convince ourselves that there will be more time, another opportunity, or a better moment to reveal our true feelings. However, life rarely grants us such luxuries. It moves swiftly, with no regard for the desires left unspoken and the chances left untaken.
Regret is a bitter pill to swallow, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. The what-ifs and could-have-beens can haunt us for years, leaving us wondering what might have been if only we had been brave enough to let our emotions be known. We may find ourselves trapped in a cycle of wondering, forever pondering the possibilities that slipped through our fingers.
So, why not seize the moment? Why not embrace the beauty and uncertainty of life by taking that leap of faith? When we find ourselves nuts about someone, consumed by desire, and longing for their presence, it is a testament to the depth of our emotions. It is a sign that they hold a special place in our hearts, and perhaps, just maybe, they feel the same way too.
Even if the outcome is not what we had hoped for, even if rejection becomes our reality, we can take solace in knowing that we were true to ourselves. We can find comfort in the fact that we have honored our emotions, given them the respect they deserve, and released them into the universe. Life is too short to wonder and what-if, but it is also too short to live with regrets.
So, muster up the courage, gather your thoughts, and let that special someone know how you feel. Express your desires, your affections, and your passions. Be vulnerable, be honest, and be unapologetically yourself. For in the grand tapestry of life, it is the moments we dare to seize that truly define who we are and shape the course of our journey.
Remember, life is a precious gift, and the time we have is limited. Don't let it slip away without letting that person who has captured your heart know how you feel. Embrace the beauty of vulnerability, for it is within that vulnerability that we find the courage to pursue the depths of love, lust, and desire. "modern-day jesus christ" "Hole Hearted"
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2023.06.06 14:46 Estrojenn44 Presto RANT
I usually get an adult monthly pass for $156. I don’t auto renew in case I go on vacation or for budgeting purposes. Anyways, it’s extremely inconvenient for me to get to a subway station and the shoppers that’s closest to me is a little out of the way. I don’t like renewing my pass online because it takes 4-24 hours to load and I just want peace of mind that I have my pass for the first day of the month. So on May 31st, I went out of my way to make sure I hit up a kiosk to ensure that I would have my pass for the next day and the operator guaranteed that my funds would be there instantly since I uploaded it at a kiosk. WRONG. I had about $11 previously from a GO train trip I took and I noticed that when I tapped that those funds were being taken out and not my monthly pass. When I contacted presto I was met with an extremely rude customer service rep that said that I would have to “find time or make time to upload additional funds to your account” so that they can work on a technical issue with my card. I advised that I had already spent the $156, I went out of my way to get to a kiosk because I knew in advance that I wouldn’t have the time to get to a kiosk and my work hours are really long so I really don’t have time for that. I don’t know, it’s just frustrating, it’s already the 6th of the month and my card still isn’t working when I tap.
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2023.06.06 14:46 Gilchester Best strategy for pulling upcoming Memory Travelers (and other top-tier units): A Comparison
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This is inspired by the post here (https://www.reddit.com/OctopathCotC/comments/142bsfh/how_to_memory_traveler_jp_unit_spoilers/
) by u/PlanBUnderstander
: At least 92% of the time, pulling immediately on each character you really want will cost fewer rubies than skipping banners and 200 pitying a previous banner MT. The Question
If you've been paying attention, you'll have seen that some of the best units in COTC are on the horizon for us. Bargello. Richard. Rinyuu. Unfortunately, many of us have limited rubies and need to decide how best to spend them (assuming we're trying to clear content as quickly as possibly. If you want to pull the characters you like, don't let me or anyone else stop you). The strategies
Recently, the general advice (hereafter called the Sparking strategy) has been to skip every other banner so that you can pity that character off-banner later (Memory Traveler (MT) characters have a 150 pity in their banner and can be pitied for 200 in future MT banners).
So if someone wanted Richard, Rinyuu, Bargello, and Elrica. They'd skip Richard's banner, go to 200 on Rinyuu, pick up Rinyuu during the 200 pulls and then spend the 200 pity fragments on Richard. Then skip Bargello and pick him up during Elrica's Banner. In this way, they'd spend 6k rubies every other MT Character they really want.
More recently, (https://www.reddit.com/OctopathCotC/comments/142bsfh/how_to_memory_traveler_jp_unit_spoilers/
) the recommended advice is to simply pull each time a character you really want appears (with some nuance, but I don't want to turn this into a novel). In that analysis, they show that this strategy (called PrimEX from here on out), beats the sparking strategy in terms of number of unique MT characters 70% of the time.
However, the post didn't go into detail about the number of rubies spent, one of the key metrics for me, and likely of interest to many others. So my question is, when comparing the PrimEX and Sparking strategies, how many rubies is one likely to save and is one consistently better? The simulation
I simulated 10,000 runs over 6 "high-priority" MT banners.
The sparking strategy was pretty straightforward: spend 6k gems every other high priority banner, for a total of 18k gems. This will net a minimum of 3 MT characters (if you go to 200 pity each time and never pick up the banner unit on the way), and a max of 6. There is a 9% chance in each banner to have to choose between the banner and the previous banner unit (but I don't really dive into which ones you pick up here).
The PrimEX strategy is also fairly straightforward. For each of the 6 banners, we use a negative binomial distribution with a 1.2% success rate to determine the number before pulling the banner unit. If the number is >150, we instead make it 150 to replicate pity. This strategy will always net at least 6 unique MT characters (if you pull one at a time instead of 10 pulls). The comparison
The sparking strategy always costs 18k gems across 6 banners. The PrimEX strategy costs an average of 12,400 rubies across 6 banners, and 33% savings.
The below image shows the difference in ruby expenditure across the 1000 trials. Positive numbers means the PrimEX strategy cost less, and negative numbers means the Sparking strategy costs less.
As you can see, the large majority of the time (92% in this instance), the PrimEX strategy spent fewer rubies for more guaranteed MT units. The caveats
As noted above, this is a fairly straightforward simulation and removes some of the nuance. E.g., there is no chance of spooking an MT unit early in these calculations (considered negligible since the chance is 0.01%, but it could happen). Some characters you might want awakenings, so it's not just your first copy, but your 5th that matters. These are things I might play around with in the future, but I don't think any of them will change the main takeaway that PrimEX beats Sparking. Conclusions
The PrimEX strat beats the Sparking strat 9 times out of 10 if you're looking at how many rubies you're spending. Yes, you might be in the unlucky 10% if you use PrimEX, but there is no way to know that ahead of time. It's a gamble either way, and the way to be on the best side of that gamble is to go the PrimEX route.
For me, the linked post above any my own calculations have swayed me to the PrimEX strategy. I also was not originally going to pull for Richard, but I have now changed my mind on that front as well. Hopefully there will be a decent gap between him and Rinyuu allowing me to get my ruby store back up.
Let me know if you have any thoughts on this approach and if there is anything you disagree with. Thanks!
2023.06.06 14:46 Turtle4553 Take your part
2023.06.06 14:45 Astro_Fizix Reddit changed my opinion on No Country for Old Men
Reddit changed my opinion on No Country for Old Men. Here’s summary of how I understand the movie now after reading some discussions and synthesizing it for anybody who might have also left the movie with an initial feeling of “That’s it?”. Hope it provides a valuable perspective to you all.
When I initially watched the movie, I was left somewhat underwhelmed by the death of Lewellyn, the seemingly random car crash, the random cut to black after the ex-sheriff just tells his dream to his wife. After reading some posts and discussions on the movie though, I changed my mind.
The whole character of Anton Chigurh was definitely attractive to me throughout the movie but his ending felt somewhat random - like why a random car crash. Why? What happened to him? Same with Lewellyn. I found myself actively rooting for him but his death felt… like nothing. Again, I asked myself “Why would they not even show it?”. All these “whys” are (to me at least) really the point of the movie. That’s just life. It’s not fair. That’s the whole reason the sheriff, now retired, states his reason for retirement as being out of the loop, too tired of the ups and downs, not able to keep up. He wants to be the good guy with unshaken principles in a world where principles don’t matter. Guy asks for a coat, offers $500 and gets side-eyed. Another guy asks for the same coat and is offered it for free. Doesn’t matter who these guys were, sometimes it goes your way, sometimes it doesn’t.
The same thing can be seen in Lewellyn’s death. He was the protagonist (unless we assume it’s the sheriff) but dies the death of a side character. Not even - offscreen with little to no coverage on how it all happened. Anton Chigurh, this unbeatable force of evil that feels utterly overwhelming isn’t careful at a crossroad and crashes into another car. He is as the closest he has been to death in the whole movie, not because of the sheriff or the cartel or Lewellyn Moss or anybody who had intent, but just because he didn’t pay attention while driving and got unlucky.
Anton Chigurh, as commonly mentioned by others, is the representation of death. Death is the ultimate “ending”, and a game of luck in some sense. The ultimate example of our helplessness, personfied by Anton. Death is what the sheriff faces at the end of the movie. A clock ticking until his day comes, until he meets his dad. It is inevitable, and probably not going to be as heroic or fulfilling as he hoped it would be. Again, showing how sometimes life is just plain cruel, unfair, irregardless of whether we are the “good guy” or “bad”
Now I can’t help but see the parallels between all these events and the coin-toss. Sometimes, it’s lucky bliss, other times unfortunate demise.
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2023.06.06 14:43 gggobro Reddit wants to restrict 3rd-party apps, please consider joining the protest and start thinking about a replacement
2023.06.06 14:42 doctorgecko Respect Yukari Yakumo (Touhou)
"Would you like to have a near-death experience? By crossing the boundary between life and death." Themes:
Yukari Yakumo is a legendary youkai with the ability to manipulate boundaries. She is one of the sages who created Gensokyo in the first place, and a good contender for its most powerful resident. Despite this she is also exceptionally lazy, spending most of her time sleeping and foisting most of the problems off on Reimu or Ran. Still, her incredible intelligence and completely inhuman nature means one can never tell quite what she's thinking, and making her angry is a very
- Source Index
- Perfect Memento in Strict Sense and Symposium of Post Mysticism is an in universe book written by Hidea no Akyuu. She has a tendency to exaggerate and speculate, so her claims should be taken with a grain of salt.
- Yukari herself is noted to lie quite a lot, so her own claims should also be taken with a grain of salt.
- In 15.5 Yukari makes use of the urban legend Teke Teke, but her attacks while using this urban legend are fairly in line with her normal capabilities. As it's unclear what effect the Urban legend is having, these feats will be included in this section but marked with Occult
- Yukari scales to a large number of characters, so here is every Touhou respect thread for the games
Defining Some Terms Spell Card System: The Spell Card Rules were put in place by Reimu Hakurei in order to make duels between everyone fair, formalized, and safe. It is also the method nearly all Touhou characters will use in-character. Spell card battles have very clearly defined rules and attacks that are agreed upon before a duel with the purpose being that the most beautiful attacks win. In general Spell Cards are characters going easy on the foe, with ZUN outright stating they're not something the characters would ever use if they were serious.
Danmaku: Danmaku are the "bullets" fired in a bullet hell, take many different forms, and are able to be fired by most Gensokyo citizens. They're an essential part of duels in Gensokyo, being used to control an opponent's movement and overwhelm them. They can either be fired in intricate patterns, or just fired rapidly from a single point.
Youkai: Supernatural beings typically born from humanity's fear of the unknown, and the primary residents of Gensokyo. Youkai can be highly varied, but tend to be highly resistant to physical attacks while far more weak to spiritual attacks, such as names and traditions.
Gensokyo: Genoskyo is the region Touhou takes place in, and is a small landlocked region of Japan. It is fully enclosed by the Great Hakurei Barrier (more information bellow). The clearest picture of it shows it containing a few mountains, with it also being noted Gensokyo is small enough to see almost all of it from the Hakurei shrine
Urban Legend Incident: Due to the occult balls various Urban Legends begin to manifest in Gensokyo, and some characters are capable of controlling an urban legend in battle that matches their tempermant. It's worth noting that the effects are present even after the occult balls are removed from Gensokyo though Reisen notes it will soon settle down.
- The Sages of Genoskyo (of which Yukari is a member) are the beings responsible for the creation and maintenance of Gensokyo
Boundary Manipulation General Description: Summarized, Yukari's power allows her to manipulate the boundary between any two things.This can apply both to physical boundaries (such as between Gensokyo and the outside world), or even the boundary of concepts (such as human and youkai or night and day).
Direct Combat Usage
Gaps and Warping
- Spell Cards
- Last Word
- [Occult] Lend Me Those Beautiful Legs!: Locks her foe in place with boundary lines and then uses a gap to split them in two before putting them back together
Great Hakurei Barrier
- Spell Cards
Gensokyo's Boundary of Reality and Illusion
- The Barrier Itself
- Living Things
- Large Scale
- Boundary of Reality and Illusion - Moon
- Lunar Capital
- Misc Conceptual
Other Abilities Note that a number of feats here potentially involve boundary manipulation, but it's less explicit
Shikigami: Shikigami are spirits that have been turned into tools via a patter, that have software installed to control them
- Spell Cards
- Standard Danmaku Pattern
- Combo Attack with Others
- Last Word
- Spell Cards
- Summoning Rand and or Chen to attack enemies
- Spell Cards
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2023.06.06 14:41 Michyrr What should my final two wizard spells be?
The next Wizard level I take will probably be my last. So which two spells should I get which I'm still lacking?
Here's my current list of spells I have access to. The ones marked with an asterisk are ones which are not in my spellbook, but are in my mentor's spellbook, so I can get whenever I have the time and ink to copy them.
1st level: • Absorb Elements • Alarm • Burning Hands* • Comprehend Languages • Charm Person • Detect Magic • Disguise Self • Expeditious Retreat* • Feather Fall* • Fog Cloud • Frost Fingers* • Identify • Mage Armor* • Magic Missile* • Protection from Evil and Good* • Shield • Tenser's Floating Disk • Thunderwave* • Unseen Servant
2nd level: • Arcane Lock* • Darkness* • Enlarge/Reduce* • Gust of Wind* • Invisibility • Detect Thoughts • Enhance Ability • Knock • Locate Object • Magic Weapon • Melf's Acid Arrow* • Mirror Image* • Misty Step* • Rime's Binding Ice* • Scorching Ray* • Spider Climb* • Suggestion* • Web
3rd level: • Counterspell* • Dispel Magic • Fireball* • Hypnotic Pattern* • Leomund's Tiny Hut* • Major Image* • Sending • Tongues* • Water Breathing
4th level: • Arcane Eye* • Banishment* • Control Water* • Fabricate* • Locate Creature* • Polymorph* • Sickening Radiance* • Stone Shape* • Wall of Fire*
5th level: • Animate Objects* • Bigby's Hand* • Cone of Cold* • Contact Other Plane* • Legend Lore* • Passwall* • Rary's Telepathic Bond • Wall of Force*
6th level: • Chain Lightning* • Disintegrate* • Fizban's Platinum Shield* • Globe of Invulnerability* • Move Earth*
7th level: • Forcecage* • Prismatic Spray* • Teleport* • Whirlwind*
8th level: • Demiplane* • Maddening Darkness* • Mind Blank*
9th level: • Foresight* • Gate • Meteor Swarm* • True Polymorph*
I've permanently lost access to Wish, unfortunately.
The campaign involves a lot of Gating to other planes. I shouldn't need defensive spells for myself, since I'm a dragon with 22 AC and 444 HP, but I do have squishy spellcasting kobold allies (a cleric, sorcerer, warlock, and artificer).
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2023.06.06 14:41 Big_Sentence_366 TIFU by throwing my life away
Hey everyone, I’m fairly new to writing on Reddit so please don’t mind my following mistakes. Today I(20f) fucked up by throwing my life away. This has been a slow boil since I was 16 but today it all finally hit today. For some background I’m a Haitian immigrant from the 2010 earthquake and was undiagnosed with ADHD, depression, PTSD and anxiety until last year with ADHD still being left undocumented due to the lack of psychological help in my city. Up until I was 16, I was a high achieving academic student with a somewhat strong social circle. My family wasn’t necessarily poor compared to some but definitely below middle class. My academics started failing shortly after receiving my first c in a college class during my freshman year, but I was able to still maintain a high academic standing but lost my ability to stay motivated. I fail another class into my sophomore year and once covid hit had failed another class.
Covid had heavily impacted my families finances and I started working full time while also being a full time dual enrollment student. Without understanding the affects of my adhd, I quickly lost my abilities to hold routines, complete simple task work and just got burnt out. REALLY BAD. I barely scraped through my final Highschool/college semester and failed to graduate with an associates degree like my fellow peers. I always understood that there was something just wrong with me but had lacked the skills to properly communicate and I was honestly scared of communicating what I was going through. I spent most of my Highschool afternoons crying into a pillow and hiding from my family, taking psychological tests just trying to understand why I couldn’t just feel anything anymore besides negative emotions.
I continued to work through the summer leading up to college, and got into a habit of partying where I got introduced to weed, sex and alcohol. I was in a long distant toxic relationship, my home town best friend had a psychotic breakdown and had to leave during the first semester. I couldn’t leave my dorm and didn’t even know how to reach out or what to even say. I try to reach out for psychiatric help but was unable to afford it. I got pregnant twice in December and found out through miscarriages both times. I tried to push myself to at least do better during the second semester but quickly fell back to my depressive habits and failed in the end. I was academically suspended, and spent my summer suffering panic attacks, and extreme social anxiety which helped push my ability to get psychiatric help. After months of talking to doctors and therapist they still couldn’t pinpoint my issues and I failed to properly communicate what was actually going on. I spent my time cultivating better routines, better support and discipline over motivation. I tried self medicating but still found myself unable to open up, unable to get up, unable to do the simplest things. I pushed myself so hard just to try to get some part of my life on track. I took positivity and relaxation training, was able to finally get some strong supportive bonds with friends and family. But I failed.. I couldn’t get my financial aid help appealed on time, I failed all of my classes and received my dismissal letter today. My student account has 15k debt for the semester and I don’t even have the strength to say anything to my mom because I know we can’t afford it. Everything I’ve tried setting up for myself has all failed, the job I had lined up to start this summer cancelled my shift this morning as well. I’ve lost my friends at home because of my social withdrawals and negligence. I just tried to reach out to my therapist and was informed I was no longer able to see her due to my lost coverage since I’m now 20. I had aspirations to help my family here and those back in my country, I had the potential to be better, a bright future and I finally realized I threw it all away.
TL;DR: TIFU by throwing my life away due to negligence. I failed out of college, lost my job opportunity, lost my friends and therapist and now the potential of my family.
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2023.06.06 14:40 girl_from_the_crypt Stuck on earth and looking for a job: We're burning down a dollhouse
When somebody suggests you commit arson together, your reaction is most likely to differ based on the identity of that person. If anyone else had asked me to come along to burn down a building, I would have assumed it was a joke. However, being aware of Frankie Preston’s barely suppressed murderous tendencies made me take his request quite seriously. Of course, three main questions presented themselves upon first consideration.
“A small developmental factory owned by FunFlair.”
“Do you plan on burning it while there are still people inside?”
“Only one, and that one deserves to burn alive.”
Shelving my thoughts on that answer for the moment, I inquired as to when he was hoping to go about this endeavor.
“The sooner the better. My sister—you haven’t met her—found out that they’re going to move sites in the near future, so if I want to take revenge on my old boss easily, I need to do it now. It won’t be too difficult. I know the layout of the place really well, they can’t have changed much these last three years. It’s small, hidden but unprotected. A bunch of containers in some woods a couple hours from here. The human I hate most in the entire world is there, every night, working all alone.” His shoulders twitched. “I drove by the place a couple times, and I kept thinking about doing it, but I was too scared. Having you there would make all the difference.”
“It would?” I echoed.
“Yes! Sunshine, you’re strong. Amazingly so. I don’t want you to feel like I’m using you, but the thing is, I can’t do this on my own. If you tell me to go away and never mention this again, I will. That I swear to God. Or whatever sadistic omnipotent being has put me on this world to suffer.” He briefly glanced heavenward, or rather at the ceiling, then back at me. “I can’t hurt anybody, remember?”
I nodded along slowly. “This person, your old boss… what did they do to you?”
“Simply put, she’s why I hate everything.” He spoke with an uncanny intensity, staring past me like he was miles away.
“Who is she?”
“Her name is Philomena Wallis. She’s the one who keeps sending people after me. She wants me back to do fuck knows what to me because she's still pissed I screwed her over." He paused. "She did—does
horrible things. You'd want her dead, too."
"Why isn't she in prison?"
"Nobody gets taken to prison if they're rich enough. Either way, what she does isn't technically illegal… and no one knows about it either. It's a tricky situation."
I took a deep breath. “Do you have a plan?”
“I do. We’ll go there at night, I’ll slip in and make sure the door to Phil’s workspace is locked, and then we’ll douse the whole thing in gasoline.”
“Are you sure you’ll need me for that? It doesn’t sound like you’d be inflicting hurt directly. I mean, you wouldn’t have to actually raise a hand to your boss, not physically. Or can you not do that either?”
“The risk lies rather within what could happen if she finds me.” He rubbed his arm, a look of uncertainty crossing his features. “I’m different when I’m around her. I can’t help it, she… she can just walk all over me. She made me be this way. There’s nothing to be done about it, except to get rid of her once and for all.”
“I’m not following. She made you
be this way? What do you mean?”
“Exactly what I said!” he snapped, only to shrink back and raise his hands. “Sorry! I’m so sorry!”
I stared at him in silence for a beat. “You’re terrified,” I said.
He glanced at his chucks, then back at me, looking like he wanted to say something but didn’t know what.
“Sad, too,” I added. “Sometimes, I can’t tell what you think, so I apologize if I’m reading this wrong…”
“You shouldn’t have to guess what’s going on inside my head anyways,” he muttered. “I can’t believe what I’m trying to rope you into again. It’s like I didn’t hear myself talk for a minute there.”
“I’ll help you.”
He raised a skeptical brow. “I don’t want to force you. I swear I don’t. I will
do this, and I’d feel so much better if you came with, but if this is something you’re gonna resent me for in the long run…”
“The long run?”
“I mean—” He started playing with his gum again. “Are we not doing this? You really like me, I think?”
think we shouldn’t be talking about this in the same breath as committing lethal arson.” I rubbed my nose before letting go of a long breath. “If I can’t stop you from doing this, I’ll at least make sure you come back out in one piece.” I wonder if this is how Nettie Peterson usually feels.
Frankie beamed. “You will? You’re absolutely sure?”
“Yes. Here’s the plan, I drop off what I bought for my savior human and then we can prepare; do what’s needed. I don’t want to put this off. The sooner it’s over, the better.”
“Definitely,” he agreed with an eager nod. “I’ll drive you right over.”
“Good. And Frankie… you know precisely how I feel about you.”
We got on our way the following morning. The car ride lasted several hours, most of which I spent fast asleep stretched out on the backseat. It was a wonderful nap; I hardly felt any of the vehicle’s movements, admittedly a credit to the server’s abilities as a driver. Eventually, the road was getting too bumpy to ignore, and I drowsily lifted my head to find us pulling onto heavily wooded terrain. Upon noticing I was awake, Fran gave me a fleeting, quite obviously forced smile. After a few more minutes, we came to a halt on a clearing. I got out and produced a canister of gasoline from the trunk, handing it to Fran after opening the door for him. He looked strangely absent, gazing off into the distance with a vacant look in his eyes. He grabbed the offered canister and clutched it to his chest, almost like he was hugging it.
“We’ll be going the rest of the way on foot, then?” I inquired.
He nodded wordlessly.
I couldn’t hide my frown. The air around us was warm and fragrant, the moonlight shining through between the branches that seemed to reach out for us as we began walking. There was not even a hint of a breeze, and yet, a chill ran down my spine. My companion’s demeanor was nothing short of uncomfortable; he seemed to suck the warmth out of the atmosphere around us, together with my initial confidence and the sweet scent of pine needles. His silence instilled in me a clammy sense of dread, and I couldn’t shake it no matter how hard I tried. Normally, I would have probably appreciated the perfect calm and serenity of the lush forest around us, but seeing him in such obvious, unspoken distress drove away all my idyllic thoughts.
“This seems like an odd place to hide a factory,” I remarked, trying to open a conversation once more.
“That’s the point. You wouldn’t go looking for a doll manufacturer in bum-fuck nowhere,” he replied.
“It’s strange to think about. What kind of shady stuff can a toy manufacturer even get up to? Don’t get me wrong, I trust you when you say they’re bad people, I just wish you’d give me a little more information. I feel like I’m not getting something here.”
He let out a low hum. “You… are really innocent.”
“No, I’m not,” I argued, affronted.
“Not in a bad way. I said innocent, not naive. I’ve been cagey again, I know that, but the thing is, you’ll see exactly what I was talking about when we get there. You’ll understand everything, and to be honest, I’m very afraid of what you’ll think once you do.”
We finally reached the building Fran had told me about. If it could indeed be called a building. It looked more like something that had been thrown together by a larva using Lego bricks. It was, as predicted, a bunch of containers lined up and stacked atop one another, small corridors and open metal staircases connecting them. It seemed to be almost entirely empty—all the lights were out, except for a single one. From behind a window on the upper floor, filtered through gray blinds, a cool, bright glow shone down upon us. It bathed Frankie in its surreal luminescence that seemed completely out of place given our raw, natural surroundings.
“You were right,” I stated, tearing him from his rigor. “Seems like there’s only one person in there.”
“That’s Phil,” he mumbled. “I’m certain.”
“Then let’s do this.”
Frankie detached himself from the canister, peeling it off his body like a piece of clothing. I took it from his hands while he walked over to the nearest door, reaching into his pocket to produce a set of shiny, slim tools. Despite the darkness, he set his fingers to work on the lock. It didn’t take long at all for him to let out a satisfied sound, straightening up as he held the now open door for me. “I’m very skilled at lockpicking,” he said lightly, by way of conversation.
I couldn’t hide the admiration in my gaze, and I gave him a proud smile that briefly caused his features to soften. I had not yet crossed the threshold when he grabbed me by the wrist, holding me back. “One more thing,” he whispered, his voice suddenly ringing desperate again, “you won’t like what we might see in there.”
“I know,” I answered. “It was implied.”
Stepping forth into the dark room, the smell of plastic and coffee instantly hit my nose. Fran fumbled for a lightswitch before thinking better of it and turning on the flashlight he’d brought. We were clearly in a breakroom; there was a table in the middle surrounded by chairs, an espresso machine in the corner and several calendars and posters taped to the walls. Unsuspecting. Frankie didn’t comment, immediately moving across the cube and towards the door on the other side. It led out into a small corridor, improvised using more corrugated iron elements, and into another larger container. There was a desk with a computer in one corner and an empty operating table in the center.
A large shelving unit occupied the entire left side of the room. A closer inspection revealed that it held all sorts of small parts, though what they were parts of
was beyond me. Opening the plastic drawers at random, I glimpsed all sorts of metallic and silicone pieces, forming strange little… thingies
“What is all this?” I asked Frankie.
He had been standing by the operating table, staring at it with unblinking eyes. His expression was once more perfectly vacant. Not even his jaw was moving around his bubble gum. He didn’t look up, and for a minute, I wondered if he’d heard me at all. “Doll parts,” he suddenly answered, his voice lacking any inflection.
I frowned, picking up one of the tiny metallic objects and inspecting it closely. I could see what he meant now—it appeared to be a very small joint, perhaps for a finger. “When you said FunFlair made dolls, I thought you meant these stiff little baby dolls. I didn’t know they made them this detailed.”
“Oh, they can be detailed alright.”
“Is this, like, a robotics thing? Can they move on their own, too?”
Frankie let out a sharp, mirthless laugh that was much too short. He fell completely silent again, and it felt as though the room had gotten colder. I bit my lip, placing the finger joint back in its box. I tentatively reached out to Fran and rested a hand on his upper arm, only for him to flinch, drawing away as if burned. “D-don’t touch me right now,” he pleaded.
“I’m sorry,” I breathed.
“No, I am. Don’t mind me, okay? Let’s—let’s just go on.”
So we did. Another makeshift corridor led us over into the next container. The beam of our flashlight cut through the darkness, revealing a sight that made me stop in my tracks. There were several bodies propped up in the corners of the room, bodies that I only realized on second glance were artificial. They were of roughly the same size as the average person, with fully formed arms, legs and everything. Their faces however were different. Most of them weren’t even fully complete, the skin-like material not fully covering their heads and leaving the mechanical structures underneath uncovered. Their eyeballs—sitting in hard plastic sockets and unframed by lids—stared out at us blankly, utterly void and expressionless.
Cold dread began to seep into my bones, paralyzing me for a second before I managed to break from my stillness. Taking a step towards one of the lifeless figures, I bent down to get a closer look. Keeping my distance, I reached out a single finger to trace along one of the countless delicate wires peeking out from the soft patches of facial material. It was cool to the touch, making my skin crawl. I pulled back, turning to Frankie in bewilderment. “Wh-what is all this?” I asked hesitantly.
“That’s them. That’s the dolls.”
“Well, yes, I can see that but this… this is really, really unnerving.”
He let out a strangled, mournful sound. “I guess it is,” he said eventually, his voice low and flat. He knelt down beside me, a little closer to the doll, and started fumbling around with the back of its neck, clearly looking for something. Finally, I heard a little click, followed by a whirring noise as the doll jerked up its arm. I squeaked, scrambling back on my hands and rear, only to find my back suddenly pressed up against the chest of another mannequin. I hadn’t done a thing, but it instantly sprang to life; robotic fingers clamping down around both sides of my nape. The painfully fierce touch wiped away every last bit of my composure, and I let out a shriek that seemed to tear apart the relative silence. Frankie spun around to fix me with the beam of his flashlight, causing me to squeeze my eyes shut. My heart was hammering against my ribcage, seemingly exploding when the hands started pulling me closer against the lifeless, yet animate body.
The next thing I knew was that Fran had leapt forward and removed me from the doll’s clutches with one swift, powerful yank. My chest was heaving and I couldn’t suppress a low whimper when I pressed myself to his side, frantically glancing about my surroundings. My fangs were bared, but my racing pulse was admittedly overtaxing me. I couldn’t seem to form any coherent thoughts. My flight-instinct was kicking in, further setting off my panicked response when I realized I might end up involuntarily jumping dimensions again.
Suddenly, I felt Frankie’s hand on my cheek, the gentle pressure tilting my head up to make me meet his gaze. “It’s alright,” he said, his voice equal parts firm and understanding. The fog in my head lifted just a little.
“They’re not going to hurt you,” he went on, his thumb stroking the curve of my outer ear. However he managed to convey such certainty when he himself had been so uneasy mere moments ago was beyond me, and yet, I found myself believing him. My breathing slowed and I hazarded a second glance at the doll I had bumped into.
It had stopped moving, its body having locked into an unnatural, almost feral-looking position. It was cowering on all fours, its torso lowered and its head up. Its neck was bent at such an extreme angle that it was approaching the comical.
“What the fuck was that?” I whispered, the curse word escaping me before I could stop myself.
“Some of them have to be activated manually, others can be turned on just by touch. I remember that,” Frankie replied. “There’s no need to be afraid of them, though. Even if it’s hard to believe considering… well.” He gestured at the oddly crouching doll at our feet.
“Something’s very wrong here,” I muttered, unable to tear my eyes off the lifeless, incomplete face. “I didn’t even know they made toys like that.”
“They’re not for children,” Frankie said, his eyes glazing over once more.
“Are they, like, robots? Do they know what they’re doing?”
“Not if they’re lucky, they don’t.” He paused. “They’re not made to think. Any awareness they might have would be unplanned for.”
“And you really used to work here? Did you help build them?”
“We can talk about that once we’re out of here.”
I swallowed. “Look, I’m freaking out. This can’t be a normal production site.”
“It’s not. I wish you didn’t have to see this. It… it only gets worse. And your instincts aren’t failing you, none of this is right. If you want to back out, I don’t blame you. This place shouldn’t exist.”
I took a deep breath. I wished I had insisted on knowing the full truth before coming here, but it couldn’t be helped now. Instead of prying further, I pointed at the canister of gasoline. “Then let’s remedy that.”
Despite himself, Frankie smiled.
Instead of mirroring the expression, I felt my own features suddenly derail. “Oh crap.”
“What is it?”
“Do you think she heard me scream?” X 1 2: deadbeat roommate 3: creepy crush 4: relocation 5: beach concert 6: First date 7: Temp work 8: roommate talk 9: a dismal worldview 10: warehouse 11: staircase 12: explanation 13: hurt 14: hospital 15: ocean 16: diner 17: government work 18: something in the caves 19: shopping cart 20: olms and Jewels 21: long hair 22: recruitment 23: waitresses
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2023.06.06 14:39 Sierrific Need opinion on a villain
Hello, all. Except Al'dur, Baldaric, Elijah and Sariel.
I'm creating a villain for a homebrew-ish city set in the Forgotten Realms. They're level 4, but I don't want to make this villain an immediate threat. A necessary evil at first, let things simmer.
The idea is to use the Shadow Broker from the Mass Effect series as a base (which in a sense is a lot like Xanathar, but I want to focus on the "dealer of intel" side of it). And the Geth also from the same series. Yeah I'm a ME fan, whatever.
Keywords: shadow broker, geth, gorilla grodd
Without further ado..
The Mindswarm is an abhorrent and chilling creature comprised of hundreds of thousands of Cranium Rats, united in a sinister horde. This aberrant entity manifests as a pulsating mass of rats, each the size of a hand, moving in perfect synchrony with a dark purpose.
The Cranium Rat horde divides into smaller, highly intelligent groups that are sent as spies and infiltrators. Each individual rat serves as a tiny, disposable spy, capable of telepathic communication with the other members of the swarm. Their collective intelligence is unnerving, enabling them to plan complex strategies and act with flawless coordination.
This monster is an unrelenting threat, reproducing rapidly to maintain an infinite horde and growing stronger with each new member. The greater the number of rats, the more powerful and intelligent the swarm becomes.
Commanding this horde is the feared Mind Flayer known as Cephalorr. This abominable psychic being uses the Cranium Rats as its puppets, controlling and directing the horde to achieve its dark objectives. Cephalorr is capable of further amplifying the psychic powers of the rats, increasing their lethality and manipulation.
As combat unfolds, the Mindswarm reveals its alternate forms. With 75% of its remaining life, it assumes a weaker yet still dangerous form, adapting its abilities to the situation. When reaching 50% of its maximum hit points, the swarm loses the ability to unleash its powerful Mind Blast attack but continues to pose a threat with its biting assaults and mental control over enchanted creatures.
Facing the Mindswarm is a struggle against an unyielding and unfathomable force, a battle against the collective mind of thousands of intelligent and malevolent beings. The adventurers' only hope lies in unraveling the secrets of this abominable swarm and finding a way to disrupt its cohesion to defeat the Mind Flayer that commands it.
Figured since Cranium Rats get smarter the more rats are together, why stop at a single swarm? What happens when multiple swarms combine?
What do you all think? I kinda wanna give it Mind Blast so it can create more cranium rats by itself without relying on a mind flayer.
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2023.06.06 14:39 gggobro Reddit wants to restrict 3rd-party apps, please consider joining the protest and start thinking about a replacement