Happy birthday blessings gif

Welcome to this non-real time meeting of codependency_12steps
Hi, I’m u/newsolution4life. I’m a recovered codependent and your leader for this meeting. Will those who wish, please join me in the Serenity Prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done.
Strong sponsorship is necessary to live a recovered life. Sponsors are recovered codependents committed to living the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions to the best of their ability. Sponsors share their program up to the level of their experience and strengthen their recovery through this service to others. To find a sponsor, look for someone who has what you want and ask how he or she is achieving it. Will all sponsors please identify themselves in their post?
Suggested guidelines for sharing: As you share your experience and strength, please also share your hope. Please confine your sharing to your experience with the illness of codependency, the solution offered by the twelve steps and your own recovery from codependency, rather than just the events of the day or week. When responding to other member’s posts, please focus on your personal experience rather than advice giving. If you are having difficulties, share how you use the program to deal with them. If you need to talk more about your difficulties and seek solutions, we suggest you speak to your sponsor and other members after the meeting.
Share on how this paragraph relates to the illness of codependency and the solution offered by the Twelve Steps. Today we are studying the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 68:
"Perhaps there is a better way - we think so. For we are now on a different basis; the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity."
Alcoholics Anonymous, Fourth Edition (p. 68). Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.
Closing: Freedom from codependency is possible by living a Twelve Step way of life. The *Big Book of Alcoholic Anonymous and a recovered sponsor are all you need to get started. Feel free to reach out by private message to newcomers, returning members, and each other. From the Big Book page 164: "Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny. May God bless you and keep you- until then."
*Why the Big Book? Time and experience have proven it to be the most successful approach to the Steps no matter what the addictive problem may be (this includes codependency). We also know it to be the purest 12 Step document in existence. It worked for the founders of Twelve Step and it works for us today. If you don't have a copy of the Big Book you can access one for free: https://www.aa.org/the-big-book

Join me in tagging like_nothing_b4 to wish them a Happy Birthday! If you'd like to send a little somethin', you can see the [wishlist here](Bionicle)!

Sorry this is a long one——- My husband is sick of her shit, we both are. We have a toddler and are in the process of moving to another state but for now, my nmom is on a rampage. She asked him what he wanted for his birthday (not to see your bitch face tbh) and he graciously said let’s just hang out and order pizza.
Nothing for a week.
Day of, she offers to pick up kid. (I know, should have said no. I was tired 😭) 20 minutes before we are supposed to leave, she changes the plan at the last minute.
Now she wants to go out for pizza and then go back to her place for cake on a Wednesday night. I have already been working all day, like, just no! 😩
But she throws a fit when husband says “one or the other, but it’s a lot to now do both at the last minute”
Then she CALLS HIM and said I hear her mosquito voice all pissed off saying “hey I know there’s some confusion but I WAS THINKING WE DO BOTH” he again politely declines and says just pizza is fine. She then lies and says “ok their cannoli is really good anyway.”
Then we meet at the pizza place and as we are finishing up she blurts “OK TIME FOR CAKE AT MY HOUSE”.
And she conveniently “forgot” all my kid’s stuff back at her place. 😑😑
Bitch just wanted to use my husband’s birthday to push buttons so you know what he did this time?
“Thanks for the offer, but we said no.”
She stares dumbfounded and screeches “but we bought a cheesecake” and he just stood his ground and declined!!
Guys, I know this sounds mean of us but it felt SO GOOD to just be like “NO THANKS” until she shut up. Fuck your cake, we’re TIRED 🤣 it’s a control/guilt cake and we aren’t playing your games anymore.
I did pop over to their house and grab my kid’s stuff after but why is EVERYTHING is like this? It sucks! Constant back and forth until she gets her way. I can’t stand her. It’s so cringey and childish and thank you all for coming to my narc talk.
TLDR: fuck around & find out, crone. Fuck your guilt cake. Saying no feels SO GOOD.

I have been diagnosed with Harm OCD, Anti-Social Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder & Depersonalization/Derealization from PTSD. There was about 5 years that I didn’t know any of this and that’s where the majority of this story takes place. I’ve been reluctant to share it for a long time, but I think I’m ready now.
The PTSD has been around for as long as I can remember, but the majority of my problems began after being released from a mental institution when I was 16 years old. Backtracking a year, I was 15 years old and took a bunch of Xanax, mixed it with alcohol, climbed to the top of a football stadium and thought very seriously about jumping off. My home life was abusive and highly neglectful, I didn’t ever think I would live to be 18, but at that time I didn’t even want to.
It’s all a bit complicated to articulate exactly what happened in my brain while I was in those mental institutions, I’m still working on that part. What I can say, is that my depression started to turn into an almost emotionless hatred very quickly and it was in there that I was diagnosed with ASPD. I knew around my 16th birthday that I was going to kill someone one day. I was just full of rage with a full year of isolation after knowing nothing but pain and coincidentally all of these mental illnesses began to unravel just in time to offer me a path to salvation. I didn’t understand that these thoughts weren’t mine and that absolutely was not who I was, so I accepted them as my own.
When I was released I was placed on probation for 1 year and went back to live in my mothers house. One of the first things I told her was if she ever yelled at me or touched me again, I would kill her. I think she knew I was serious, because neither of those things happened again. I remember deeply fantasizing about murdering my mother many nights, but I never did, because I knew that would be the end, I would be caught. My brain found it’s solution for that, by fabricating a greater purpose. I spent almost all of my free time developing a plan for how I would get away with murder, not just once, but indefinitely.
Before I continue, I want to express, the thought of murder was something that confused and scared me to my core. I just wanted to live a normal life and be happy for once, but “the other me” found comfort, great joy, in thinking about it. It tricked me into thinking that was my only hope for happiness. I couldn’t talk about it, people would say I’m insane oand send me to a mental institution again. I couldn’t get help, because in my mind at the time, I couldn’t kill him, but he could kill us both. I probably could’ve finished my plan inside a year, but that scared me, so I dragged it on for ~2.5 years. I used the plan as a way of saying “I will, I will, I’m just not ready yet”. What happens when I’m done with the plan..?
So now I’m 18 years old, I left my mothers house and moved into my own place. My plan was finished, so it got significantly harder to tell myself no. It got so bad, that I began experiencing vivid homicidal thoughts against every single person that I saw, all day, every day. When I was alone at home, it would keep me awake or send me into a spiraling rage. I tried every technique for managing stress that I could find, nothing was working. So I resorted to psychedelics. I knew I needed something people called ego death, that was my final hope. Well I achieved it with 7 doses of LSD. I did that all too frequently for the better part of a year, as this story unfolds. It made my madness worse, at times as you’ll see, it made my thoughts and plans worse, but in the end, i understood enough about myself and what it was and my feelings on the situation, that I decided it wasn’t what I wanted to do. Which opened me up to the idea of therapy.
If you saw me in public, you would think I was just the same as any other random person, but I was having a severe internal war with myself every waking moment.
Once it got to the point of me thinking it was going to happen anyday at anytime, I started to practice hunting. I told myself it was only for practice, yet another “I’m not ready yet, the plan is done, but I want to be comfortable having done this before when it’s actually time”. So I would change my appearance, pack a bag with different clothing and leave my house around 11pm-1am. At first it started out small, just walking around, getting to know my routes, the camera locations, police activity, etc. Then it advanced to learning how to pick locks and breaking into the houses. Once I hit that point, had I kept going I likely would’ve killed someone very soon after. Fortunately one day when I was walking around the alleyways, someone saw me and started following me. I ditched them, changed my clothes, walked home and never did it again. I decided it was just too risky to have people in my small town recognizing me until I was actually going to do it. So the next time, would be the time.
Continued in the comments.

My now ex gf 16f who i will refer to as "A" broke up with me 16m (both 15 at the time) because she was going to kill her self.
When i first met her she was the average uk stoner having done a few class As in the past, only having one other relationship where she was abused mentally. she did not like talking abt it but i think i can infer the details. i had had 0 experience in relationships 0 experience with drugs/ alcohol, i was a complete newbie to everything. we were almost polar opposites to each other: she had dropped out of school and now goes to a special school for kids with behavioral issues. i was and still am high achieving whilst maintaining a good reputation with my peers, i think this is what made us so interested in each other to be honest.
She had opened up to me about her depression and her trust issues before going into our relationship. i would like to say we fell pretty hard for each other but im sure i fell hardest as im still in disbelieve she did this to me even two months later. when i was with her i was the happiest i had ever ever been. it was weird, i did not think just being with somebody else could make me this happy. we were both in love. during our relationship we only had 2 arguments with us both getting over them within in at least 12 hours, we had a pact where we wound not bring them up again this worked very well, this was her idea to which i mutually agreed.
one day out of the blue i woke up to a long paragraph from her, she said we should end it because she was not in the right space for a relationship at this time, this was a lye which i later found out. i did not read the whole thing i think i was too in shock to after the first two lines everything was a blur. the message did not seem remorseful it didn't seem sincere. i asked to meet later that day which i knew she could as she only went to school once every blue moon. we met up later that day after i had school, she said she was going somewhere. she couldn't tell me where, she couldn't tell me who she was going with, she couldn't tell me what she was going to do there. perhaps she was talking about the afterlife, im not sure. that was all she told me - that day.
i was livid, i could not believe she was going to do this to me. me and her bsf 15f were both in denial that she was actually going to do this as all three of us knew we made each other happy. i took her on the right path to improving as a person, she so said her self and her bsf. right there and then whilst both of us were in tears sitting on my bed i blocked her and her friends on all socials systematically followed by delating every photo i had of her, im still unsure that this was the right decision to make at the time but it was the only thing i could think of to do as a last attempt to make her turn around and say don't do this or something like that. i hoped wrong.
one of the last things i said to her was promise me your not going to kill your self, she nodded gently. we both left my house and walked to the station holding hands in silence. i think i was too starstruck to talk. we got to the station, she asked if i wanted to kiss, without saying anything we both leaned in. i said i love you as she walked off to board the train after not talking for a long, panful 45 mins, this was reciprocated by "i love you too". later that evening i went round my mates house got drunk and talked the whole thing over with him i had to get this off my chest (pun intended) right there and then. this was the end. so i thought...
we didn't talk for two weeks. all i could think about was her. she messaged me on my birthday to say "happy birthday elliot" i now hate her for this. why had she done this to me right now, why is she messaging me again. i had made it clear in the break up that we were not going to message each other again. i had blocked her on everything. but i had forgotten to blocker her number. i don't remember exactly what i said but i was desperate, something along the lines of "i could have fixed this im sorry". she said i couldn't have fixed this and that the entire thing was her fault.
we kept messaging for another week. this was hell for me, im still not sure why i hated this week so much. on the 6th day of messaging she confessed to me, i remember it word for word, "i don't plan on being alive for much longer after summer". i didn't react. i just continued the previous conversation im not sure why i did this either. this pissed her off i think. i dont remember much more of what was said but i remember simply saying your not going to do it. she said she was going to. the next day i told her she was week and selfish for doing this to me i told her she was, "taking the easy way out". i blocked her number this time. we haven't messaged since.
a week back i messaged the same bsf, as i mention earlier, happy birthday we have been talking since, mostly not about her just other things. on a completely different note i have a new girl, im going to call her E, who i am messaging she wants to meet after our gcses (the UKs SATs equivalent). shes high achieving, smart, funny, cute but a tad on the boring side, unlike A. i believe i have moved on from A.
however last night we talked about A. she said she believes that A is likely not to kill her self anymore, i was fuming to hear this. i want her to do it i wont lye. i said this to the bsf she said she understand how i feel. i told her to message A if she would ever think about getting back with me because admittedly i would get back with her. i have had nobody make me this happy before in my life, i want that feeling again. A said she would see whether she would reconsider in collage (all four of us are going to the same collage the bsf, A, E and me). collage is 3 months away.
also to add, i manipulated A a lot along with E who i am currently talking to. i know i have to stop this but i cant. its almost pleasurable, i get some kind of sick enjoyment out of doing it. i also believe i am a narcissist, so say my friends, my family, and the bsf.
this brings me to the current moment. im not sure why i am writing this tbh. please feel free to give me advice in the comments thank you very much for reading this wonderful people of reddit x

Many praises to u/SpacePaladin15 for this universe.
Credit again to u/TheManwithaNoPlan for helping edit!
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Memory transcript: Rolem, High Magister of Dawn Creek. Date: [Standardized human time] October 3rd, 2136
When Vulen first sent his proposal to the Magister of Land and Housing, it had almost immediately been sent on to me for full consideration. It was very intriguing. Enough so that I set up an actual meeting with him to discuss. He had some legal issues he wished to deal with through this proposal. All the more reason for me to talk in person.
Which resulted in both him and Tarlim’s lawyer sitting across from me in my office. Venric’s wool had been freshly groomed, apparent by the clean lines running across his body. Vulen…less so. It’s clear that the stresses of dealing with his former partners has taken a toll on him, but yet I could still see a determination in him. I doubted even the pressure of Venlil Prime’s core could break it. “Thank you for seeing me on such short notice, High Magister Rolem.”
I bowed to him respectfully. “The pleasure is mine, Vulen. I presume the ‘legal troubles’ you spoke of in our correspondence is why Venric is accompanying you today?”
Vulen looked like he wanted to spit. “My previous… ‘partners’ were much too used to my abilities of controlling and filing paperwork.”
“Your name was still on Tarlim’s employment contract,” Venric stated. “Thus you are still legally responsible for the illegal firing.”
“Yes,” the landlord bared his teeth, “and realizing that, my ‘partners’ decided to do the business equivalent of dragging my name through the mud before I got all the contracts fully broken. I left internal maintenance services and employment in the paws of Darula when we drafted our contract. You can see how that’s coming back to bite me now.”
I flicked my ears in polite sympathy. “Still, may you two explain Venric’s presence?”
The landlord glares at the lawyer. “Part of my proposal includes a… settlement to get me off the lawsuit.”
“And my client has given me a minimum settlement,” Venric adds, “with open field for me to agree to a settlement that exceeds on their behalf.” He bowed to me. “They felt it prudent to avoid coming here in person after the last… incident here.”
Ah yes, that was truly a regrettable circumstance, especially with the hindsight I had acquired since. I flicked my ears in the affirmative. “That is completely understandable. So long as all the correct forms are filed, that shouldn’t be an issue. Now, shall we discuss your proposal?”
Vulen’s mood visibly brightened when I said that. I would certainly be looking through the entirety of this document. “Certainly. We can begin with Section 1, paragraph 1.” With that, I started reading through the proposal. What I found ranged from reasonable to absurd, and I would certainly be making my thoughts on the latter clear to Vulen in due time. Once I had made it through in a little under a quarter claw, I cleared my throat to speak.
“Okay, let’s be clear first,” I pulled up a copy of his proposal on my data pad. “You say that you have 350 empty units that you are willing to set aside as housing for Gojid refugees.”
“Yes, and please note the specifics,” he responded. “That comes out to 150 single bedrooms, 75 double bedrooms, 75 triple bedrooms, and 50 flats. With two occupants per bedroom, that’s 1,450 Gojid that can be accommodated. And if you stretch it to three per bedroom, that’s 2,175 Gojid refugees who would then have roofs over their heads.”
“Indeed. A good range,” I tapped on my pad, “and in exchange for this, you would have this district pay you one-and-a-half rotations rent for all the units up front.”
I heard Venric whistle as they did the math in their head. It appeared that Vulen’s greed hadn’t abated even a bit since we last met. And going by the lawyers wagging tail, neither had theirs. Considering the settlement he got in Glowhallow with the human, even I would have thought his lust for credits would have been satisfied for the moment.
I leaned forward on my desk. “Can you please tell me how you can justify such a payment?”
“Well, your honor,” Vulen bowed, “for one thing, our economy has been in a rather sharp downturn. For the government themselves to purchase that number of houses, it would give a baseline for rent to stabilize around. A cap on the leak, if you will. As well as allowing me to use the influx of credits to construct and maintain even more houses and apartments.”
“Really?” I give my ears a skeptical flick. “You will actually use the money to build more?”
“It’s in section four of the proposal.” He stated, “as part of the five-rotation plan.”
That was correct. Which means he actually wrote much of this out himself instead of just tossing it to his own lawyer. Perhaps I was too harsh on his character. “Indeed it is. You must understand, though, that the sum you’re asking for is no small amount.”
“Oh, I’m fully aware, High Magister,” Vulen said, “But if I remember correctly, the Exterminators Office recently underwent some severe budget cuts, did it not?”
Venric seemed equally as enthused about the prospect of a payout, as per stated in Section 5, the settlement to get Vulen’s name off of the lawsuit would be going almost exclusively to him and his client. “I’ve run the numbers, your honor, and the costs should be zero-sum in the matter of as little as three Herds of Paws.”
The lawyer stood from his seat, standing to the side of the table. “It will be an investment, certainly, but if I may speak as a salesman for a moment, the PR potential for this is nothing less than monumental. Dawn Creek, as an industrial district, has little in the way of tourism aside from the A-Grav Arcade. With this, you could kickstart an entire sub-community, complete with the economic prosperity that is sure to follow!”
It was an impressive sales pitch, I had to admit. Of course, I wasn’t about to be distracted by the absurd parts. “Yes, an impressive sales pitch, Venric. However,” I turned to look at Vulen, “I can’t help but question the logic behind your decision on what the refugees will have to pay at the conclusion of the contract.”
Vulen, seemingly prepared for this, simply flicked his ears. “And what of it? Are you referring to the 50% increase over standard rent prices? Because there is an explanation for that.”
That was one of the absurdities to be explained, but I was interested to see how he rephrased that he wants money. “By all means, explain away.”
Vulen cleared his throat before proceeding. “We’ve already discussed that Tarlim’s wrongful termination was an attempt to drag my name through the mud, but that isn’t all that the other two have done. As mentioned, employment of the internal maintenance force was left to Darula, in one of my more questionable decisions. I figured that would be one of the first things to go after I severed the contract, so I already got around to hiring a third party to replace the jobs I knew I’d be losing. Sure enough, once the contract was severed, all of the maintenance workers stopped servicing my building. It was lucky that I had the foresight to plan ahead, but it left me at a substantial financial loss. The price hike is to pay for the more-expensive, but still necessary, external maintenance services once the sum granted by this deal has dried up.”
A good justification. Well thought out, well reasoned, almost seemed to be reasonable.
Too bad for him I saw the flaw. “And if this charge is to cover the new maintenance people, how are they being paid during the contract?”
Vulen couldn’t hide the grimace. It was subtle. A slight fall of his ears, a lip curl, a tail sag, just realizing I had caught him. “Well,” he began to try and justify again, “they are being… I am…” he fell silent under my stare. It was a telling stare. Reminding him that I already had read and would reread every word of the contract. He met my eye with one of his own for a few seconds before he signed acquiescence. “Fine. It’s to increase my profit margin.” He gestured exasperatedly. “This is still a massive risk for me. People could move because of the refugees! Brahk, I guarantee there will be people who will move because of them! “Tainted this, Humans that,” I know you’ve seen the consequences of that firstpaw. Despite the credit influx, I will still have to take loans for the new buildings, and they’ll take time to build! I need proof of future income to look good for what creditors I have left.”
“Really?” I asked, “then is that future profit the reason for the proviso that these refugees would not be able to live elsewhere for the duration of the contract plus a half rotation afterwards?”
He gave a huff before composing himself back to a professional position. “Only for the half rotation. I will be honest, the main reason for the proviso is to hedge against people like him.” He very obviously gestured to Venric.
The lawyer, on the other paw, seemed rather amused by the act. “Really? May I ask, out of curiosity?”
“I am entering into a contract with the Magistratta,” Vulen stated, “I am not about to have lawyers claiming I’m not holding up my end because some Gojid decides to abandon the housing I’m offering because of…because of Tarlim and his human friend.” He massaged his snout for a moment before continuing. “If I am to offer my rooms to refugees and humans, this upfront cost is all but necessary. You can’t expect me to take on such an undertaking without a safety net to fall back on. It’s just bad business. And besides, I’m already paying a portion of that back up front to the upfront payment in the form of my settlement. That has to count for something, right?”
I stare at him, unimpressed by his attempt to use my feelings around Tarlim to his benefit. “Your dealings with him have no relation to dealings with the Magistratta, Vulen. As for your safety net, you are correct. I cannot expect you to take such a risk without one.” I watched as his ears raised in confidence. “But a safety net, this is not.” His ears satisfyingly fall again. “The numbers you have given me would result in likely twice the profit you made as your own share in the last rotation just from the simple fact you would be filling every unit you owned. That is not a ‘safety net’ to fall back on. That is exploitation of disadvantaged peoples for your own gain, and you know it.
The landlord huffed in frustration. “Fine. I can drop the half rotation binding for after the contract is done.” I squint at him. “Don’t look at me like that! I have guaranteed in that contract that every unit could be filled! I will not be accused of breaching a contract because one of the residents decided to leave early, mark my words!”
I heard Venric whistle in amusement. “The possible payout would certainly be tempting.”
Of course he would say that. I suddenly get the feeling Vulen brought Venric here for more than just the settlement.
I shake my head to focus. “That would be acceptable, however,” I swipe my pad so it showed the rent hike, “this is also to be completely dropped. If the refugees decide to continue living in your units, it shall be considered a continuation of living rather than a new contract. Therefore, any rent increase would be done at the legally mandated rate of maximum 5% already set by the Magister of Land and Housing. There will be no negotiation on this account.” I recognize the need for changing rent. At least this way the refugees should be able to afford it after the contract is up. “Of course, you will continue to have control of the rent on the new buildings when those are built. So even without that rent hike, you will still be making a profit into the future.”
Vulen looked to be about to protest, but Vernic quickly pulled him aside and started whispering in his ear. I could hear some soft exclamations from Vulen every now and again until the two finally separated from their convenience. Vulen, with a defeated look in his eyes, addressed me. “That modification is…acceptable. On One Condition.”
I leaned back in my seat and raised my ears in interest. “You’re not really in the position to be drafting terms, but I suppose I’ll humor you. What is your condition?”
“You, and the Magistratta at large, must sign a separate, legally binding contract promising compensation for the construction of the new buildings. That was already part of my proposal, but I want a separate contract for that now, unbound by any of the terms of this current agreement.” He flicked his ears uncomfortably. I could tell that he still wasn’t happy about his profit margins being skimmed down. “If I agree to your amendment, you agree to mine. Fairs fair. Do we have a deal?”
I hold firm with my gaze. “I will have to actually read this amendment to agree. But for now, state your terms.”
“I will want to be funded 50% of total estimated building costs as gauged by a neutral third party, with another half of estimated maintenance costs for the first rotation of operations, also gauged by a neutral third party.”
I quickly thought over his proposal. “Add in a clause that you will have to pay for material overages, and in return we will allow a clause that we will pay for time overages. If that’s acceptable, we will have an agreement.”
Vulen’s face showed hopefulness once again as he bowed respectfully. “That is acceptable. You have a deal!”
I give him a professional bow as I delete and edit the appropriate sections on my copy of the contract. I then sent a quick request to the magister of Land and Housing to draw up the second contract. “Then let us reread our agreement to be sure there are no more disputes.”
Vulen sighed, seemingly annoyed that we were going through the contract once more. But it was for the best. By the end, the terms were found to be either mutually beneficial, or mutually neutral.
“Very good, Vulen,” I state, “the Magistratta approves of your proposal. Venric, if you would please also sign as a witness.”
With our paw signatures all set to the screens, the deal is done. Even though a couple thousand Gojid is only a fraction of the people rescued from the Cradle, that is still a couple thousand people who have a home once more. If other districts, or if Solgalick blesses it, other species see what we have done, perhaps they too shall follow suit.
Venric placed his pad in his lap and aimed an eye towards Vulen. “Now that that is done, there is the matter of your settlement.”
The landlord huffed as they began typing on their pad. I felt a slight amount of pity for him. It was due to the actions of his previous partners that caused him to be in this situation. But the results came for the best.
With a swipe of my paw, I saved the contract and sent off a copy for our Governor to review. The UN would work with her to find the appropriate amount of refugees to send, and we would get a message on when to receive them.
I pray to Solgalick that all goes well.
​
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Hi reddit,
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It's my daughter's birthday tom., her dad just told me that he won't come.
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For context, we broke up like 7mos. ago kase I caught him cheating for the nth time at ako pa ang pinalayas niya. Alam niyo, I used to believe na walang magulang na di mahal yung anak nila. Kaya parang di ako makapaniwala na dumaan yung 7mos., yung pasko, bagong taon, and bukas birthday naman ng anak namin na hindi niya man lang binisita yung mga bata. Okay, I get the fact na ako di niya mahal, pero bat pati yung mga anak niya? Anong kasalanan nila dito? I feel so hurt for them. Tomorrow's supposed to be a happy day, pero eto ako, crying my eyes out. Here I thought he already broke me sa lahat ng posibleng paraan and there's nothing left to break, meron pa pala. Ibang klaseng sakit yung alam mong hindi ito deserve ng mga anak mo pero wala kang magawa dahil you can never make a father, or even just a man, from a POS.

I’m reaching out with some thoughts as I was just fired from one of NYC’s most exclusive private members clubs and the whole situation just seems very unfair. I’ll start off by saying that I’ve never received any type of warning or write-up during my last year of working for the company. I take my job very seriously and have been an asset to the team.
I am 32(f) and I’ve been in this industry my whole life. I’ve worked with some of the best in Manhattan restaurants and cocktail bars over the last decade. I am always early. I show up 30-45 minutes before my shift to make sure I have time to change after my commute, so I can be professional and ready on the floor. I have only been late maybe 2-3 times and I always over-communicate with management if I’m in that situation.
I’m a team player. Ask any of the staff there and they will tell you I am always ready to lend a hand. If I have a free moment, you can find me tidying up service areas, running drinks or asking other servers if they need assistance. I get great scores on all of my food and beverage tests. I don’t look at my phone during service and I’m always at attention. Our members love me. I am personable, always smiling and I remember their names and drink orders.
Getting to this past Friday night. I was sectioned in a particularly large lounge without a dedicated busser. (Every other section has a server and their own busser) It was slow back there until close to 830/9 when the whole club and restaurant were full. I got 6 tables at one time and it was a bit of a scramble to get to everyone but I was trying my hardest to make it happen. A party of 2 gentlemen ordered food immediately upon sitting down, before I was able to get their drinks. I took the order quickly and Gentleman 1 asked me if what he had ordered (Minestrone soup/ Wagyu steak) was gluten free. I was moving too fast and made a mistake in telling him yes. (I didn’t think about the macaroni in the soup.) This is admittedly my error. However, he did not in fact, mention an allergy. I had many tables all at once and I had no support. The rest of the club was grooving and they couldn’t lend a hand. So im attempting to get waters, drink orders and setups for all these tables on my own. Multi-tasking as best as I could manage alone.
Gentleman 1 received the minestrone and took a bite before realizing there was pasta. He told me then, that gluten would make him sick the next day. I acknowledged my mistake and profusely apologized. I bussed the still-full soup back to dish and went straight to the manager, and told her what happened. She advised me to apologize, split the soup off of the check and send a complimentary appetizer. So that is exactly what I did.
I’m also a decent human being and felt really bad about the mistake I had made. I apologized again and spent time at the table, talking to the 2 Gentlemen. He still didn’t mention anything about an allergy, he had taken a bite and then he mentioned it might “upset his stomach.” But he was laughing and making jokes about it with me, it seemed we had good rapport and he enjoyed the rest of his meal. He stayed late, until closing at the bar with his friends.
The following day, Saturday 4/1. They allowed me to pick up a shift from another server. They allowed me work the entire shift until after 12am before sitting me down and firing me on site. The manager never gave me a chance to tell my side of what happened. I never got a word in. The GM talked over me the whole time and said it was an immediate termination. Even though I have a squeaky clean record with the company. I fully expected to be written up for my mistake. The manager who had told me to send the app was written up for the same incident.
( I know that the guest didn’t get sick because my managers didn’t even know who it was, they had to ask me which member it was the next day and I told them his name. If he had gotten sick and complained…they would’ve known his name.)
Herein lies the major issue of injustice. I know, for a fact, that 2 other servers have made an allergy mistake in the past. 2 male servers. Both who nearly killed someone because of a SEVERE nut allergy that they didn’t communicate to the kitchen. (On one incident the guest left on a stretcher) And those male servers? They got write ups. They didn’t get fired. The Troll of a woman who is the Director of Operations has even joked about it at a pre-shift meeting before. Making fun of the server who “nearly killed someone” and using him as an example in the meeting. One of them actually still works there and he is one of the Captains. (They make more money from the tip pool as appointed server leaders) A few of the other captains, all male of course, get drunk every shift. And I mean every shift. They ring in extra cocktails and they “bus” them to dish to chug. I also know there’s a couple snorting coke during their shifts. I’ve witnessed that in the locker room. It’s messy.
The boys get a pass because they’re indoctrinated with the Troll from a different private club. She brought them all with her to open this place a couple years ago. She has her boy’s club and she lets them do whatever they want. They make more money than the rest of us and they’re supposed to be “leaders” among the servers. But they don’t pull their weight. The double standard is wildly obvious and gross.
I don’t want my job back. The culture behind the scenes here is incredibly toxic, so I’m all set. It’s a blessing in disguise for me. Truly happy to be done with the torture and anxiety of working there. I just wanted to shed a little light on how even some of the “BEST” places are actually being run.
I know that the Troll has texted with another server and is spreading a false narrative that I suggested that soup to Gentleman 1. This could not be further from the truth and is extremely unprofessional to be texting about with a tipped employee. (She doesn’t think we talk?)
As I explained, I was juggling about 3 orders, 4 setups and 2 people flagging me down.. and I sure as heck didn’t have time to suggest things from the menu at that time. I could hardly get all 30 of my guests water in a timely fashion. I was not given support on the floor and I was set up for failure. So to be spreading lies that I recommended that dish, really doesn’t sit well with me. It is not what happened.
The thing that really makes that membership club excellent, is the staff. The Troll is a bully and she’s going to run any good people out of there eventually, employees are looking for other opportunities, because the money we make isn’t nearly enough to make up for the way they are treated and talked down to.
Did I get to see and talk to celebrities all the time? Yes.
Did it make up for having to take our breaks in a dirty back stairwell because there’s no employee bathroom or break room? No.
Update: I’m getting my state insurance license and getting tf out of this hellish industry. Yeehaw.